Tranny Clown Robs Liquor Store
Officers in Boulder, CO received a call Saturday night from the Boulder Beer Emporium that the liquor store was robbed. Police are now looking for the suspect described as a cross-dressing man wearing clown makeup. (I somehow doubt he’s still donned in his burglary best at the local supermarket.)
Witnesses described the suspect as wearing red and white face makeup (Ronald McDonald?), a red and purple wig, a fake nose and a denim dress (NOT Ronald McDonald). Employees told the police they didn’t think anything was peculiar when he walked into the store (ummm… ok) because of local Pridefest events taking place that weekend. (Now, if they knew anything about gay men, they would have known that no self respecting queen would be seen wearing the outfit witnesses outlined. That’s why God invented the Fashion Police!)
The cashier reported that the man entered the store and approached an employee, asking for help in a feminine voice and saying that ’shis’ husband was out of work. After being access denied by the employee, the man walked to the checkout stand, revealed a pistol, demanded the cash and bolted just as two other customers were walking into the store. I was disappointed there was no footage of this, but then learned that a surveillance picture is expected to be released presently.
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This just in: when you want to vandalize someone’s house, the best way to escape is NOT dousing yourself in Pepto-Bismol and leaving your clothes and ID at the scene of the crime. Police in Waterville, ME, arrested a man after he allegedly broke into and vandalized a home, leaving his pants, shirt, sneakers and wallet behind.
Authorities said that they received a call about a young man dressed in his underwear jumping on the hood of a Volkswagen car outside of where a local party was taking place.
Witnesses said the young man broke into a neighboring house before breaking the windshield of the VW outside. Police discovered that the man had also broken the front glass door of the home, overturned furniture in the house, and broke the back door. Before leaving, he removed and abandoned all of his clothing, except his underwear. Police found the man’s wallet and driver’s license in the pocket of his discarded pants at the vandalized house. The drunk 20-year-old was found back at the local party, covered with a pink substance believed to be Pepto-Bismol. He now faces charges of burglary, aggravated criminal mischief and possession of alcohol by a minor.
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My Main Man (in the Mirror): MJ Tribute Post
I was born in 1977, just one year old when Michael Jackson starred in The Wiz with Diana Ross. He was one of, if not the first celebrity I was ever conscious of, and no one ever seemed so ‘larger than life’. I’d see clips of people at his concerts crying hysterically and fainting, the likes of which I’d only ever seen the Beatles bring about.
I grew up in the shadow of his stardom. My world stood still when the new Thriller video came out in 1982. I was highly concerned when MJ’s hair caught fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial in 1984. My best friend and I would watch her Moonwalker video on Friday afternoons incessantly, debating over whether or not MJ was gay. Back then I could never have imagined a world that Michael Jackson didn’t rule.
Years later, having lost my star struck inclinations to post pubescent self absorption, I’d hear about MJ involved in various types of controversies: that he purchased the Elephant Man’s bones, that he owned a pet chimp named Bubbles who used his toilet and cleaned his bedroom, and of course that he was a seriously disturbed child molesting perv. In the mean time, MJ’s skin tone continued to fade. It only made sense that the more f*cked he became, the whiter he appeared.
I stopped listening to all of the media because I realized I just didn’t care. I was never interested in dating Michael Jackson, I just like his music and think he was a kick-ass dancer and amazing performer; that’s all I ever cared about. Aristotle said “No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness”, and the Master of the Moonwalk is no different. Whatever he did in the privacy of his own home was none of my business, well unless it was with my own children… otherwise, cha mon.
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If you don’t like women who wear make up at the gym, you’re gonna hate this b*tch. A Californian man wearing a bustier and watching porn on a computer in his apartment complex gym was arrested; but only after officers found drugs in his backpack. The sergeant on duty says the 45-year-old from Tustin, CA, was arrested Tuesday after a security guard in his building noticed him in a workout room that should have been locked.
Upon further investigation, police discovered the man in his bustier, plus a miniskirt, fishnet stockings and heels, hiding behind exercise equipment and watching an adult film on his laptop. After searching him, police arrested the man for drug possession after finding marijuana, methamphetamine and paraphernalia in his bag. Seriously, who works out in a bustier, miniskirt, fishnets, and heels??? The world may never know, since the man refused to comment following the arrest.
$@bs
Two Scandinavian police officers sacrificed their Swedish meatballs in an undercover sting set up to expose a prostitution ring operating in 5 massage parlors scattered from Stockholm to Gävle in eastern Sweden.
The bawdy houses were busted (pun intended) when two male officers visited two separate parlors and agreed to remove all their clothing, upon which, each was offered “extra” special treatment. I’m sure the officers found the operation hard (that’s what she said). The proprietors of the establishments were charged with ‘big pimpin‘.
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Starfaced Girl Admits to Lying
I can’t imagine who actually believed this Belgian girl’s story: she initially claimed that she asked a tattoo artist for 3 stars on her face, fell asleep, and woke up with 56 stars instead of the 3. Yea, having a needle in my face for hours always makes me sleepy too…
She went on to allege that the Flemish tattoo artist didn’t understand her French and English and discussed suing him to have laser surgery to remove the stars. It came as no surprise (to me) that the star spangled facial was, in fact, intended. The girl said she lied because her father was “furious” after seeing her face. (A-DUH!) The tattoo artist, Rouslan Toumaniantz, says he doesn’t resent the situation, but rather is pleased with the publicity it has brought him.
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A 49-year-old plumber, Bradley Brainard (and as it turns out, not quite so brainy) was under investigation for selling drugs to prisoners when authorities discovered behavior far more disturbing.
Police say that they found video footage of the Californian man from Atascadero wearing nothing but a woman’s brassiere, in bed with a chocolate Labrador whom he was “masturbating and orally copulating”, according to the arrest warrant. In an interview with the San Luis Obispo Tribune, Brainard stated, “It’s something I got into that I never should have gotten into.” (YA THINK???)
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It’s Not Your Father’s Fanny Pack
Any girl can tell you how annoying it is to tote a purse around when you’re going out; particularly dancing. You end up either having to do the ‘handbag house’ step, clutching your purse under your arm while you bop, or you find a nearby table on which to stash the purse, where it can be snagged by anyone.
Clearly, neither solution is satisfactory, and in my search for a new answer, I stumbled upon the Urban Cowgirls line of fresh and hot, hand-made custom leather bags.
The bags caught my eye as I walked past Whole Food’s in Union Square, where local designer and kool kat, Sheila Jimenez, hawks her wares. I was so intrigued by them that I couldn’t decide which one to get, so Sheila was nice enough to let me try on a bunch until I could make an educated selection.
I had to get it on immediately, and the unique accessory definitely got a lot of attention stat. No, you can’t borrow it, get your own. (PS. most of these bad boys are $50 and under – woot woot!)
Study Shows Monkeys Barter for Sex
Perhaps the origins of “quid pro quo“, a new study examining monkey sex (pervs) found that male macaques groom their female counterparts in exchange for sex. The research was based on 20-months of observation in a nature reserve in Indonesia and found that females are at least three times more likely to copulate with a male if he grooms her first. This makes sense to me because I’d definitely be more likely to give it up after a day at the spa.
The study also showed that the males compete for female attention by investing more time grooming. Scientists refer to this practice as the biological market. (I’m so stealing that to refer to bars such as those in the meat-packing district. Sorry, doctors, no royalties.)
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Police Shocked by Nude Driver
“Is that a stick shift or are you just excited to see men in uniform?” Detectives in Ware County, GA pulled over a car that was weaving in and out of lanes. Approaching the vehicle, the detectives were shocked (and kinda turned on?) to find the male driver naked.
Since there is no law against driving naked, (hmmmm) detectives released the man after ordering him to put his clothes on and advising that he keep them on. Ladies: when crying doesn’t work, this might just be a new way to get out of speeding tickets…
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