Woman Plans to Wed Roller Coaster
Love can be a roller coaster; especially when your love IS a roller coaster.
A 33-year-old woman from Pennsylvania claims to be in love with the themed ride known as 1001 Nachts.
The woman suffers from a condition where people develop sexual feelings towards objects.
She rides her ‘love’ 300 times a year and uses pictures of it to satisfy herself at home.
Recently, the woman announced her plans to wed the amusement park ride though it’s a fairly long-distance relationship, since she lives some 80 miles away from the park where her love resides.
The roller coaster declined to comment and has remained mysteriously silent about their relationship.
PS. Shout out to KayJo for sending the story along.
A man was jailed after police say he was caught on video surveillance having sex with a horse at the Horry County stable for the second time in the last three years (putting the whore in Horry).
The owner of the stable first caught the 50 year-old suspect having sex with the horse back in 2007 on Thanksgiving. (I can bet what he was thankful for). He was charged with sodomy and trespassing, received a sentence of three years probation and ordered to undergo mental counseling.
The owner went on to say that the man had ‘relations’ with a 21-year-old horse named Sugar, who is now being treated for infections related to the incidents. (He gave her an infection?) Bail was set at $10,000 for the suspect, who is being held at a local detention center. And they call it pony love …
Desperate times call for desperate measures; in all industries. Recently German brothels began offering customers the chance to sleep with as many prostitutes as they want for one flat rate. The promotion is based on the ‘all-you-can-eat buffet’ model and was introduced by brothel owners in response to the 30% decrease in business the trade has experienced since the economic downturn.
The flat-rate deals, priced as low as £60 (about $100), have generated controversy in the country despite that prostitution is legal and has been historically well-tolerated. But certain politicians have expressed disgust at the recession-busting deals, stating that, “So-called flat-rate sex is an immoral development which cannot be tolerated in our society.” (But isn’t the idea of prostitution itself a little questionable in that regard?)
The vocal minority of politicians who object to the promotion have ordered police raids on the clubs to bring the offer to an end. However, since the promotion is not illegal, officers have focused raids on immigration and hygiene issues where the promotion has been introduced.
Other promotional ideas have included rebates for pensioners and men on benefits, 10% discounts for cyclists and men arriving by public transport, and free shoe-polishing for customers who stay overnight. (Overnight??? Um… ew.)
Winery’s Nude Nymph Causes State Ban
Just another reason why Alabama scares me (sorry in advance to my large contingent of Alabamian readers)…
As illustrated here, the Cycles Gladiator Wine label recalls the vintage 1895 advertising poster for Cycles Gladiator bicycles. The poster features a nymph whose bare breasted flying beside a winged bicycle created all the controversy.
The Alcoholic Beverage Control Board rejected the label last year, ruling that the label was inappropriate and advising restaurants and stores that they were prohibited from selling the product. Apparently the state’s liquor regulations do not permit labels with “a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner“. (But: A. Nymphs are not human and B. You can’t even see her vajayjay, so wtf?)
Earlier this month, some southern hick of a no-life busy body reported that the bottle was, in fact, being sold locally (no doubt since the whole issue is clearly retardo), sending a bottle to the board’s enforcement bureau. The board then sent a letter to all local liquor stores and restaurants to remind them that sale of the product is not allowed. The manufacturer of the wine responded that their product had been sold in AL since 2006 until the recent unpleasantness and that there haven’t been any problems in the other 49 states where it is sold.
People who see fireworks when they kiss pale in comparison to those who see lighting when they f*ck. A couple from western Germany decided to take their make out session from the car to some bushes in the woods nearby when a storm ensued.
Ignoring the rolling thunder and teeming rain, the couple continued their amorous endeavors when suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the ground, making the earth move under the lovemaking couple. (PS. Earth shattering sex = WHITE HOT, well unless it results in death.)
Scared witless, they ran naked through the torrential downpour and lost their way in the woods. A motorist contacted authorities, reporting that he’d seen the nude duo wandering around in the dark. Officers called to the scene found the pair naked and shivering, helped them into dry clothes and took them home. Their clothes still remain at large.
My personal theory: I think the lightning was goin’ for a threesome (horny b*stard).
Man Fired for Marrying Porn Star
A South Floridian municipal worker was fired recently at an emergency town meeting after the mayor and council members learned of his marriage to porn star, Jazella Moore. The town council voted in a unanimous decision to terminate the man, though he alleged ignorance of his wife’s fame until that very afternoon. Regardless, the elected officials took the action to remove him from office a few hours later.
The mayor indicated that a clause in the man’s contract permitted the council to fire him with a majority vote and that he’ll now receive a severance package worth six months salary, plus health benefits (a lot more than I got when I was laid off and I never slept with a porn star [yet]).
In response to the case, a local councilman stated that the man was fired because his wife’s profession brought an inaccurate image to their area of Fort Myers Beach. The man refused to comment on any possible legal action against the town.
Nothing builds excitement like porn (well, except maybe Pontiac). A man from Mississauga, Canada, was caught Saturday when another driver contacted authorities about a speeding car whose driver was watching porn. (Giving the term ‘Go Speed Racer’ new meaning).
Police confirmed that when pulled over, the man was clocking almost 90 mph (I converted km to m, you’re welcome, America) and had an X-rated movie playing on a portable DVD player in the passenger seat.
After investigating his defense that he confused his member with his stick shift (I might have made that part up), the man was ultimately charged with speeding and operating a motor vehicle with a television visible to the driver (that part is true).
Witnesses are still trying to determine exactly which porn was being viewed that resulted in such excessive speed. Any guesses, dear readers?
Man Arrested 4 Naked Game of Ring & Run
Who hasn’t played the beloved childhood game of Ring & Run, aka Ding, Dong, Ditch? You walk up stealthily to some unsuspecting door, ring the bell impishly and run like hell! A man from San Mateo, CA decided to take the Ring and Run challenge to the next level, upping the stakes by playing the age-old game in his birthday suit.
The 38-year-old man was arrested early Saturday after allegedly ringing neighbors’ doorbells naked. Authorities responding to complaints were led on a chase for nearly seven miles before the man stopped his pickup truck on an on-ramp to a local highway. He then exited the car and ran into an occupied house by kicking in a door, finally trying to hide behind nearby trees and shrubs (and failing).
The man was ultimately arrested on suspicion of a DUI (shocker), evading a police officer, driving with a suspended license, indecent exposure, entering a house without permission, vandalism, resisting arrest, and a partridge in a pear tree.
It’s more like morning, around 6 am, and I am in one of the most horrible after hours spots I’ve ever witnessed. The crowd is one Cotton Eyed Joe away from Seaside Heights, NJ status and the hair gel is flowing. Only one thing could make this the highlight / downfall of my one and only Las Vegas clubbing experience.
And then I see him: the epitome of all that is cheesy and glamorous. His painted fohawk gleams like a beacon of light and I recognize him instantly as the one they call “Tool Box” on VH1’s Daisy of Love.
A male exotic dancer AKA as Rico Valentino in Vegas, reaching douchebaggery of epic proportions, he claims to have once made a porn on a plane. His alias “Tool Box” is only too fitting considering that in his last moment of fame he was dry humping the other contestants and yelling “BROMAAANCE”. Moments later he was eliminated. Needless to say I spent of the evening (or morning, rather), yelling bromance to my drunken cohorts. Many thanks to my home skillet, Georgie Boy, who found the footage!
‘Topless Nun’ sues over Facebook pic
Just in case you needed another reason NOT to let anyone take lewd pics of you, just remember that you never know when you’ll receive your calling…
(Oh, and God’s not calling you to tell you your topless pics are posted on Facebook).
A young woman, now also known as the ‘Topless Nun’, is suing her ex-boyfriend for a topless picture taken on a Sicilian beach they visited three years ago, which he recently posted on Facebook.
The 31 year woman, meant to take her vows this fall, is extremely upset about the photo, which is eliciting such comments like:
”If all nuns were like her, I’d become a priest.”
