A woman from Shalimar (and not Jody Watley) claims that she accidentally sent out a pic of her vagina in a chat room, started tripping, bit her boyfriend and then knifed him. (First of all, how does one accidentally send out a picture of one’s genitalia? “Whoops, I sent you a picture of my vagina by mistake!) Her boyfriend of 7 years said that he found out his girlfriend had multiple provocative messages from other men in a chat room. Looking at the outgoing messages, he discovered one which contained the photo of his girlfriend’s vajayjay. (He would recognize that smile anywhere.)
The boyfriend then confronted his girlfriend and said that she ”started tripping“, stating that she hadn’t meant to send out a vaj shot. She convinced him that it had been an accident and he tried to be supported and attempted to hug her. However, in response, she bit him in the shoulder, scratched him and grabbed a large kitchen knife and cut his arm. (One bad f’ing trip.) He had a large bloody bite mark on his shoulder, multiple scratches and a small laceration on his left arm. The woman admitted to biting her boyfriend, but insists that they were “just playing.” (Playing Twilight?) The 31-year-old was charged with battery and aggravated battery using a deadly weapon and is due in court in May.
Serial Breast Grabber At Large
Australian women and drag queens beware: One man has already made three attacks on local breasts in northwest Sydney. Police report that in all three incidents the man asked the women for directions before grabbing their breasts and running off.
Victims described the assaulter as thin man of Indian appearance between the ages of 25 to 28 with black, short, unkempt hair, a wispy black beard, a large nose (and very strong hands). Police also indicate that the man was dressed in a polo-style collared shirt with dark-coloured stone-washed jeans. (It appears he’s been grabbing breasts since the 80′s.)
Giant 200-Year-Old Dildos Sold for $5800
Old shit is always cool; especially when it’s vintage sex toys. 200-year-old gigantic wooden phalluses were recently sold at an auction in the UK for for almost $6K. The Brentwood Antiques Auction described the sex toys as “extraordinary and exceptionally rare” and probably dated back to the late 1700s.
The items had been listed on the website under the category of “Erotica” with the description, “An extraordinary and exceptionally rare ‘Travel Godermiche’ being a pair of wooden phallus contained within a fitted kid leather covered Treen case with strap fleurs-de-lys decoration; one phallus 10 inches and with testicles and the other 11 inches and without testicles.’ Aptly named auctioneer, Wendy Wood, stated, “You might laugh but it’s a good opportunity for investment.” Jokes aside, that would be one nasty splinter…
The Ins and Outs of The Masturbation Sleeve
Though it may sound like what a guy would use after rubbing one out, the masturbation sleeve is an increasingly popular sex toy among males. The basic masturbation sleeve is a tube with a large opening in one end for entry and a smaller opening in the other end.
These are made of any stretchable material from jelly to silicone and are perfect for any sexual orientation, cumming in both vaginal and anal models (pun intended). It goes without saying that plenty o’ lube is recommended!
If you want a more realistic vaginal feel, you may want to try a Fleshlight, as shown here. It’s like a vagina on a stick, but better (because that would just be weird). This is a soft, pliable non-vibrating sleeve which surrounds the penis and offers an incredibly realistic sensation. Plus, it looks like an ordinary utility flashlight (albeit a completely fucked one – pun intended again).
If you want the best of both worlds, well then you may want to opt for a product like “The Perfect Ass“. This item features separate ‘pussy and ass tunnels’ which are ultra-tight and ribbed. The toy also has dual-vibrating multi-speed love bullets which make for fully self-sustainable fun. For the patriotic perv in you, users can spank with comfort knowing that these are made in the USA. If you’ve used any of these devices, I’m sure our readers would love to read your reviews; send ‘em on over!
Quite possibly the biggest schmuck on the planet, a man bashed and choked his girlfriend until she blacked out when she tried to engage him in a threesome. The woman brought along a female friend on a camping trip, during which she confessed to her boyfriend that she was bisexual. She even supplied the party with alcohol to make him “more receptive” to the notion of a threesome. (Because most men need to be persuaded to have sex with two women at once, right?)
But just as things started getting good and the two girls became more involved with each other, homeboy decided to bounce. He stormed off in his car and quickly and drunkenly crashed into bushes. His girlfriend ran after him and attempted to take the car keys from him. At this point, the drama was unfolding in front of many other campers. As his girlfriend grabbed at the keys, the man slapped her and shoved her to the ground.
The girlfriend then tried to run off, but the man punched her in the head, chest and back before choking her until she blacked out. She suffered bruising and a sore neck but recovered, while her stupid and shady boyfriend spent the night and next day in jail. He pled guilty to two counts of assault and received a three-month jail sentence, suspended on condition of good behaviour for two years. You would think that this would be the end of their relationship, but actually, sources report that the couple has since become engaged. (Congrats, Ike Turner.)
Eau De Pussy: Vagina Scented Perfume
Personally, I’d prefer that my vagina is fragrant, not that my fragrance is vaginal. But apparently not everyone feels that way. A new scent claims to capture the “the vaginal scent of a beautiful woman.” (Thankfully, no one has yet tried to bottle the vaginal scent of an ugly woman, well, except Paris Hilton.) The new fragrance, Vulva Original, is a self-proclaimed “erotic feminine scent“, and promises to offer pleasure and arousal by smelling it.
The product is available online only on www.smellmeand.com and sells for about $33. Recommended usage suggests application to various areas of the body via a roll-on applicator. Now what would happen if I rolled that onto my vagina? Do two vaginal scents cancel each other out? Even more important, do I have to smell like the sweaty biker’s vagina depicted in their :60 spot? To be continued…
Penis and Vagina Festivals
If Hello Kitty isn’t a good enough reason to move to Japan, Penis and Vagina Festivals definitely are. Dating back some 1,500 years, these events are held to ensure a good harvest and promote reproduction. The festivals provide an economic boom to host cities as well as generating general genital merriment (say that 3 times fast).
One of the best-known penis festivals is at Komaki City’s Tagata shrine (AKA The Penis Shrine). This festival is held annually on March 15. The festivities feature the parading of a two-foot by six-and-a-half foot long phallus carved from Japanese cypress.
In a neighboring village, a vagina festival is held the Sunday prior to Komaki’s Penis Festival. During this event, children carry a small vagina to the local shrine while some 40 grown carry a massive vagina to the shrine in the main parade followed by two smaller vaginal troupes. Vendors sell penis and vagina-shaped candies, chocolate-covered bananas, wooden penis sculptures and penis earring.
One regular attendee sadly noted that the approaching celebratory phallus was,”smaller than last year’s“. (And that is, indeed, what she said.)
Testicle Enlargement: How and Why
Who can go a day without receiving scores of promotions for penis enlargement products? Even if you have no penis and are not in the market to buy one, you’re not likely to escape. But what if you want to enlarge your balls? You may be asking yourself, “Why would I want to do that?” While they seem to be the rather low hanging fruit of the genitalia realm, some men want this done to feel more… manly.
So you’ve decided to enlarge your testicles. Now what? Well you have a few options. Option #1 is the old scrotum pump; or you can get a penis pump big enough to accommodate all of your junk. Option #2 is to use weights which clamp around the scrotum above the testicles so that your balls appear bigger. For the long-term fix you, can opt for surgically placed scrotal implants, made from stainless steel, titanium, silicone, or other implant-grade material. While I’m not sure I’d be impressed with a larger set of testes, ‘balls of steel’ does have a certain ring to it…
Have you ever had the urge to smack someone in the head with your dick? If so, you’ll be able to relate to a certain Lithuanian who was fined roughly $925 for attempting to assault a policewoman with his penis. The 28-year-old engineer tried to dick slap the officer in the head when she responded to a complaint filed by his girlfriend.
The officer had sat down on the couch inside the residence to take the complaint when the man exposed himself and thrust his penis toward her. Sadly, the officer managed to duck out of the way. The man admitted to having been drunk at the time of the incident (obvi). Personally, I’d have paid top dollar to obtain footage of the encounter.
Ordinarily I’d say stories like these make me glad to live in NYC. But, since same-sex marriage is still illegal in NY State, well, I guess shit’s tough all over; particularly in one Mississippi school district stuck in the middle of the mickey fickey Bible Belt. Their prom scheduled for spring was cancelled after a lesbian student requested to attend with her girlfriend; and wear a tuxedo.
The student, an 18-year-old high school senior pictured here, said the prom cancellation was in retaliation for her efforts since the school’s policy requires that prom dates be of the opposite sex. The ACLU of Mississippi argued that banning same-sex prom dates violates constitutional rights. But instead of acquiescing to the student’s legal rights, the school board announced it wouldn’t host the event at all (because no event is better than one filled with those pesky gays).
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