If you’ve ever been hit in the nuts, you know this is no laughing matter. Heck, I know that and I don’t even have balls (anymore). But to many high school students, nothing beats a good game of ‘sack tap‘. One 14-year-old had to learn this the hard way after having his right testicle removed from a groin punch while walking to class.
The doctor treating the victim noted that as a result of the increasingly popular game (thank you, Youtube), he’s had to perform three to four surgeries a year on boys with ruptured testicles or problems resulting from groin punches. The doctor added that dozens more come in with less severe injuries ranging from high school to elementary school students.
The victim’s family plans to move to a different school district since this was not an isolated incident. They are currently looking into filing criminal charges against the other student.
How do you motivate a bunch of bad-ass underage punks to go over to The Good side? Why, an orgy, of course! A juvenile detention facility outside of Albany is under investigation for rewarding good behavior for inmates with a sex orgy, according to one former employee of the center.
The issue was brought to light when the employee came forward after he was asked to pick up a 15-year-old girl and her friend and to bring them to the facility to attend a dance. The girls had been requested by two inmates who evidently had never met either of them, but had gotten their names from another (teen) inmate. The two girls are now believed to be prostitutes.
The dance was immediately brought to a halt when the guard manning the surveillance cameras raised the alarm he saw, “… a girl getting her pants pulled down. I saw her red g-string panties almost being pulled off”. Authorities commented that an investigation in the juvenile detention center is on-going. The red g-string refused to comment and remains at large.
If you suck at cards, better not practice your bluffing skills during a game of strip poker. Two people were caught running naked down the street early in the morning. Cops first saw a woman jogging down the street, completely butt-ass naked. When back up officers were called to deal with the “crime”, they found both a naked woman and a naked man hiding behind a fence.
The naked couple told the cops that they were losers in a game of strip poker and had no choice but to run around the block towards home, sans clothing. The cops then escorted the naked couple back to the apartment where the game was still in full swing. Police then met the full round of players of the strip poker tournament, who were described as only “half naked.” Now, in a game of strip poker, the only one way to keep score is to keep your clothes off (or on, depending on your performance). The kind officers did not force anyone to lose track of their position in the game, but allowed the naked couple to find their clothing and dress only because they had lost and were, therefore, out of the game.
While the couple was dressing, the cops had no problem hanging out in the apartment while the poker game continued and more clothes were shed; presumably to provide poker playing tips. They issued only a verbal warning and didn’t arrest the man or woman for their naked sprint since it occurred at a time when it was unlikely for anyone to see them, except for the policeman who first spotted them; and then, of course, all his friends who arrived for backup.
Boy Bullied Into Poop Penis Tattoo
In my day, nerds were just shoved into lockers, dumpsters, and the like. Well the times, they are a changin‘. Four teens are now facing charges after forcing a disabled boy down and tattooing his ass with the word ‘poop dick’, adding an illustration of a penis beneath it. The 14-year-old victim was often ridiculed at school because he once wore a Spider Man baseball cap. Since then he was often the target of mockery, which led up to the recent unpleasant incident.
Once cornered at a private home nearby, the bullies threatened to bash him if he tried to escape and insisted that “he was going to get tattooed whether he liked it or not“. They also promised that he’d no longer be teased at school if he agreed to get tattooed. Police later raided the home at which the inking was done and found the tattooing equipment. The teens have been charged with assault, endangering the welfare of a minor and tattooing without a license.
Chastity Belt for Men
Want to make sure that boy of yours isn’t being bad? Why not purchase a chastity belt for him? The Chastity Belt for Men allows you to control all of your man’s orgasms. You’ll know about every time he even so much as masturbates.
Now he’ll be thinking about you every waking moment, anytime he tries to urinate, or even touches himself in general. Product recommendations indicate that most customers are turned on by having to give up all control of their junk to their partners.
The Chastity Belt comes with a lock and key, to which only you will have access. The one problem might be sizing. According to the website, finding the right size cuff ring requires trying it on behind the ball sack, so this might not make the best surprise gift. You’ll want to think ahead before ordering. Many thanks to JayLav for sending over the link! She sends some great shit…
Spider Bites Man in the Penis
Next time your penis enlargement procedure fails, why not try a spider bite? A Canadian tourist is lucky to be alive after a deadly spider bit him on the penis. The man had been skinny-dipping in New Zealand, leaving his shorts on the beach. As he swam, a katipo spider crawled into his abandoned shorts. When the tourist returned to the beach and put his shorts back on, the trapped spider then bit the man on the dick while he napped.
Within minutes, venom caused the 22-year-old’s heart to race, in addition to severe chest pains, high blood pressure and extreme swelling to his penis. The man awoke to find his penis painfully swollen, with a red mark on the shaft indicating a bite. His condition improved immediately after being hospitalized and treated with an anti-venom. He remained in the hospital for 16 days before finally being released. The doctor treating him commented, ”It was a rather nasty, ill-placed bite”. (I’d say). The culprit, the kitapo spider, is an endangered species. I still think a telephone call was in order the day after his intimate love-bite…
Unfortunately, nowadays bummer tents are few and far between. But if you are having a bad trip, you need a back up plan. Case in point: Last month police responded to a call from an ambulance at the residency of a man who had just castrated himself. When medical professionals and the cops inquired as to the whereabouts of the man’s balls, the 31-year-old let them know that he flushed them down the toilet, fearing that they contained “monsters”.
The man recounted that he was with several friends and had taken LSD when he began to experience negative feelings (AKA a bad trip). He was dropped off at his house when police were called at around 4:18 p.m. that day regarding his medical emergency. Conclusion: Find a buddy, people!
Porn for the Blind
It suddenly sucks slightly less to be blind since a new publisher just released a version of porn for the blind. The first-ever porn especially made for blind people features explicit braille and raised images of nude men and women. Author Lisa Murphy commented that although Playboy has an edition with braille lettering, no pictures are included. She stated that, “The blind have been left out in a culture saturated with sexual images.” But not anymore.
Selling at $225, Tactile Mind includes raised pictures such as a woman with perfect breasts, a man with an uncircumcised penis and a “satanic ram”. (Ok, they lost me with the ram.) Faces in the book are either masked or blocked out, but the bodies are highly detailed and realistic. To see more ‘feelies‘, click here.
Tiger Penis Found at Airport
You know what they say about tiger genitalia: Don’t leave home without it… No one knows this better than one Cambodian woman who was caught smuggling a tiger’s penis into New Zealand. (Well where else would you really need one?)
Authorities also discovered what they believe to be a tiger gall bladder. The items were found by a sniffer dog at Auckland Airport. When searched, the woman revealed a stocking tied around her waist and a plastic bag around her leg which contained the items.
An endangered species, tigers are protected under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species. Also, the items are identified as risks to biodiversity, but some cultures believe that tiger parts have medicinal qualities, which has created an illegal marketplace for them.
Genuine tiger penises are extremely rare and are sold at inflated prices for rituals and medicines. The woman was arrested and if found guilty, will face a fine of up to $100,000 and five years in prison under the Biodiversity Act. She also faces prosecution for violating the Trade in Endangered Species Act, which carries a fine of up to $100,000 and/or five years imprisonment.
Who hasn’t looked at his automobile and thought, “You know what this car needs? A set of fake balls!” We all have. But if you live in the state of FL, your vehicular testicular enjoyment may be put to a screeching halt.
Lawmakers in The Sunshine State have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from trailer hitches on trucks and cars throughout the state, as pictured here.
Republican senators called the auto accessory ”offensive” and proposed the ban. (Shocker). Anyone rockin’ the faux balls, commonly known by brand names like “Truck Nutz“, would then receive a $60 fine.
Authorities are now debating whether or not the state should limit freedom of expression in car accessories. Critics of the ban include one particular Jacksonville Republican who had a pair his damn self until his wife objected. (Bitch.)
