Vibrator Giveaway on Election Day
If voicing your opinions regarding elected officials and policies doesn’t persuade you vote next week, maybe sex toys will. (Queue Susan B. Anthony rolling over in grave.)
Babeland.com‘s “Get Out and Vote” campaign offers free Silver Bullet Vibrators for voters.
Just visit one of Babeland’s retail stores on Election Day (11/2), tell them you voted, and you get a free silver bullet vibrator (a $15 value-what a deal!).
If there’s Babeland store in the city where you live, a similar deal will be offered online at Babeland.com.
The silver bullet vibrator will be included with any purchase on November 2nd with promo code “110210” at checkout.
Sorry guys, hopefully you have a girlfriend, otherwise you’re gonna have to stick it up your ass. C’mon, don’t front, you love that shit.
Air Sex Championship 2010
Who hasn’t heard of air-guitar? You know, the ridiculously awesome practice of pretending to play rock or heavy metal-style electric guitar, including riffs, solos, etc? That’s some pretty sexy stuff, for sure. Now kick it up a notch: Air Sex. This month our own Brooklyn, NY was host to the Air Sex Championship 2010! On October 9, the Music Hall of Williamsburg hosted the much anticipated event.
Contrary to popular belief, Air Sex is more than just dry humping inanimate objects (though thoroughly entertaining on its own). Contestants use toys, props and interpretive dance to wow a crowd of hundreds. But unlike the their strip bar counterparts, these events features neither nudity nor orgasms – fun for the whole family (well, the whole dysfunctional family anyway). Having a hard time imagining what this looks like? Just click on the video above to check out footage from the ghosts of Air Sex Championships past. I expect to see you all there next year…
Next time your goofball friend offers to give you a free tattoo, don’t let him; especially when the two of you have been arguing. An amateur tattoo artist in Australia is now facing assault charges after applying a 40 cm penis on his friend’s back instead of a Yin/Yang and dragons, as requested.
A ‘peace offering’ following an argument the two had had, the art was accompanied by an ‘unspecified slogan‘ implying that the recipient is gay. (‘Unspecified slogan’ = ‘fag’?)
The young man went home to show off the new tat to his roommate, who responded with a resounding: ‘I don’t think it’s the tattoo you were after‘. The 21-year-old artist is due in court next month, charged with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm.
The victim faces nine months of pain in order to have the tattoo removed by laser.. or else leaving the cock on his back to wither. (Note: Actual penis tattoo artwork not available.)
Liquid Condoms
If you’ve never spent several extremely frustrating minutes trying to get a condom on, well you’re probably still a virgin. Luckily, now you may never have to experience the rounds of ‘beat the clock’, as you scramble to equip yourself before reaching ‘half chub‘ status.
Introducing the new molecular condom: a liquid that congeals once in contact with higher temps found in the vaj to form a thin layer of solid gel. How does it work? According to the lead researcher at the University of Utah where the condom is being developed, “a pH change, caused by contact with semen, turns it back into a microbicide liquid that delivers a lethal dose of antiretroviral chemicals“.
The gel would be applied to the vaginal area before sex where it would solidify, melting in the presence of semen and delivering anti-HIV chemicals. One seemingly mission critical factor overlooked, the makers of the new condom stated, “We haven’t designed this as a contraceptive; however, it would be possible to put a contraceptive into the gel.” Dudes, get on that shit…
Man Uses Leaf Blower Naked from Waist Down
You know your leaf blower is working when you look down and aren’t wearing pants. A 67-year-old man from Scarsdale (well, we’re all a bit scarred now) was arrested after he was seen using an electric leaf blower with his twig and berries on public display. The New Yorker was doing his lawn work naked from the waist down when police were called to his residence.
Responding to a complaint of the offending view, cops spoke with the man, who responded that he was free to do as he wanted on his property. Just to show him how wrong he could be, the man was arrested and taken to local police station for processing. He’s now being charged with public lewdness.
Gumby Attacked; Kicked in Groin
Who takes one look at that lovable, green character and thinks, “I’m gonna kick him in the balls!” At least one person from Michigan. On a day that seemed innocent enough in Flint Township, a man dressed in a Gumby costume stood at the side of the road waving to passersby. One moment he was delighting children in the noonday sun, and the next minute he was curled up in fetal position cradling his family jewels.
In an unforgettable YouTube moment that Gumby would prefer to forget (and which I CANNOT find), he was attacked and kicked in the groin by another man. But it’s only thanks to that YouTube vid, that the drive by ball-kicker was located. The 28-year-old Gumby is an employee of a local costume store and was dressed up to draw patrons into the store for Halloween. He was only into his second or third hour as Gumby when he was approached from behind by a teen, who called for his attention, then kicked him in the groin.
Luckily, Gumby wasn’t badly hurt since the costume’s extra padding absorbed the blow (also since he’s made of clay). Police investigating the incident believed the perpetrator did this for a reason; probably to post a funny video online. Searching on YouTube, the officer found a video of the incident, which included the perp’s first name. It wasn’t difficult to further identify him by looking at vids posted by the same user. Police were soon able to find the suspect’s Facebook page and located him. He’s now being charged with misdemeanor assault. Additionally charges could be coming against the driver and cameraman. Pokey was not available for comment.
US Bans Kanye West’s Naked Album Cover
After the MTV Music Awards this year, it seems like any appearance by @kanyewest should be banned. The good ol’ U.S. of A. tends to agree. The singer recently tweeted, ‘Banned in the USA!! They don’t want me chilling on the couch with my phoenix!’
And after seeing the (ugly-ass) ‘artwork’ on the new album shown here, it’s not hard to see why America’s deemed the cover ‘forbidden’.
The watercolor features a naked man resembling Kanye, straddled by a naked female, both of whom have demonic faces (in the image as well as in real life?). Kanye’s label, Island Def Jam, ‘strongly urged’ him to change the design, but Kanye defended the piece stating,
‘In the 70s album covers had actual nudity… He continued, ‘So Nirvana can have a naked human being on their cover but I can’t have a PAINTING of a monster with no arms and a polka dot tail and wings.’
Despite the US having banned the cover, the new album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, (NOT RuPaul, as it turns out) will be released on November 22.
Penis-Enhancing Undies
Even if you haven’t stuffed with a sock, you pretty much get the gist. But that technique has mixed results, and, let’s face it, doesn’t do a thing for that flat ass. Marks and Spencer to the rescue!
This UK clothing company recently started manufacturing “frontal enhancement” (industry term: cock enlarging) underwear; guaranteed to make your dick look 38% bigger. M&S also offers butt-lifting undies made of “cool, odor resistant fabric” (industry term: skid-mark proof).
The line’s men’s underwear division rep stated, “Our technologists have worked hard to engineer two styles that are comfortable to wear and that give real results. These pants provide a real confidence boost for men and we think they will prove popular with our customers.”
Besides life imitating movies (does the name ‘White Goodman‘ mean anything to them), the fashion line hasn’t commented on the inevitable scores of ladies that will complain about the false advertisements they’re hawking. (I’ve already drafted a scathing letter to their customer service department…)
Vagina-Themed Energy Drink Debuts
You know what your energy drink needs? More vagina! Introducing ‘Sum Poosie‘: “a vagina-themed cherry-flavored energy drink“.
An Ohio resident who turned down a position with Red Bull in 1996 is the mastermind behind the new beverage.
He describes the drink as “the Girls Gone Wild of energy drinks“, and continues, “There are a million and one energy drinks. We needed to stand out. What better way than with Sum Poosie?”
Apparently it “tastes a lot like Cherry 7-Up“, and is an acronym for “Subliminal Urgent Message: Positive Outlook On Sex Ignorance and Education.”
Presently sold in D.C., the sellers are seeking national distribution. Each drink features a bikini-clad “bottle model” (AKA “sluts”). The drink’s official website is currently soliciting models (more sluts).
Thus far, customers are primarily women (AKA lesbians).
Woman Bites Neighbor’s Testicles
On a not-so-beautiful day in the neighborhood, a man had his scrotum brutally bitten by a female neighbor. The 41-year-old Nigerian victim was attacked by two men and two women during a fight over eviction notices. According to the victim’s wife, the building landlord served eviction notices to all tenants, alleging that they had lived there for 13 years without paying rent.
Led by a female tenant, the angered tenants gathered together, blaming the problem on the victim. The landlord’s representatives tried to tell tenants that the eviction was an independent decision and that the victim had also been given notice to vacate the residence. All were encouraged to live out the remaining days of tenancy in peace.
After the meeting, everyone went back to their rooms, except one woman who stood in front of the couple’s room, barking insults. She then jumped the pregnant wife and hit her with a wooden plank, fists and buckets. The husband ran to help his wife, but two men held him down and the violent woman bit off two layers of his scrotum. Describing the pain as unbearable (as one might imagine), the man is expected to receive surgery on the injury in the days to come. (NOT the days to cum obvious reasons…) Note to self: Don’t fuck with Nigerian women.
