Introducing the Free Condom iPhone App
Let’s say you’re about to tap that… oh, and you’re also an extremely cheap New Yorker. But you want to have safe sex, right? Of course you do! And you haven’t been able to score free rubbers since the clinic of your college days. Fear not, Young Stallion; as long as you have your trusty iPhone, hope is not lost!
On National Condom Awareness Day, NYC Health introduced the world to their new application, NYC Condom Finder. The app helps you find FREE condoms wherever you are in New York City using your iPhone’s GPS to locate the 5 nearest venues that distribute free NYC condoms. It even provides walking directions! (OK, you might be running.) With more than 3,000 locations throughout all 5 boroughs, you’ll be able to wrap that package fo shizzle, ma nizzle! Yay, safe sex!
If your god isn’t instructing you to get to 3rd base with random female practitioners, you may want to consider converting. A 29-year-old “pastor” from Ghana was arrested for inserting his fingers into women’s vaginas. When on trial, he explained to the courts that God directed him to do so in order to heal them. (Sexual healing, obviously.) The pastor alleged that he belonged to the Word Miracle Church, but the church denied that he’s a church member or a prophet of their faith.
According to sources, the suspect befriended the women and invited them for prayers. He asked them to buy olive oil, with which he smeared his hands before inserting his fingers into their privates. (Clearly NOT extra virgin olive oil.) Then HE charged THEM money! (Best. Job. Ever.)
He was arrested after one of the women reported the incident to the police. One victim stated that the pastor asked her to remove her clothing during a prayer session, after which he rubbed her body with the olive oil and then fingered her. Another victim stated, “He made me pay GH¢200 for olive oil and the rest to be used as prayer request.” When the self-proclaimed man of God was asked to demonstrate how he performed healings, he said that he inserted four fingers into the women’s vaginas after greasing them with the olive oil. (Note to self: God disapproves of K-Y.) The number of complaints against the suspect is currently at seven.
Crack Found in Man’s Penis
Does this crack taste funny to you? If so, it might have been transported via penis. A man from Louisville, KY was arrested after police discovered crack in the foreskin of his penis. (Just one more reason not to get circumcised). Police say that they asked the suspect whether he had any drugs, weapons, or contraband on him, which he denied.
However, during a clothed pat-down, officers said they found a small bag of cocaine tied to the waistband of Banks’ boxers. Following that discovery, a strip search was conducted and officers found another small bag of crack cocaine concealed in the foreskin of the suspect’s penis.
The suspect was originally arrested after a traffic stop led to the discovery of a bag of salvia and liquid codeine. He was arrested on charges of second-degree possession of a controlled substance and possession of synthetic cannabinoid agonists or piperazines. Sources say that in addition to the drugs, police also found a glazed ham, a collection of commemorative plates, and a small Mexican family in the foreskin of the penis, all of which are all currently being detained for questioning.
If you haven’t caved to the latest tech craze yet, this may finally tip the scale.
Introducing an iPhone app which turns the device into a vibrator with three intensities and a timer: MyVibe.
Spoiler Alert: The intensity of the vibration is limited by the amount of vibration that the iPhone offers, so the orgasmic potential of the app is also limited. (App = appetizer.)
Regardless, it might be a fun pick me up on the commute home… Click here to check it out.
Naked Lady Cooking Show Premieres
If you wanna punch Ray Ray in the grape like I do, watching a cooking show can be extremely painful. A woman in Hong Kong who figured this out decided to do something about it… naked.
Hong Kong model Flora Cheung is about to debut a cooking show; butt with a twist: She prepares food completely bare-assed naked, wearing only a “tailor-made, fully transparent apron” custom made for the program.
With a precedent being set by Hong Kong’s popular Naked News, the producer of the new cooking show says that this will inspire guys to cook more, which is the goal of the show.
The model has no professional culinary training, but will prepare personal favorites like fried vermicelli and ox-tongue in wine sauce. The show will be recorded in Cantonese (but subtitled in the international language: Boner).
Semen is the New Zoloft
Feeling depressed? Run to the closest penis before making an appointment with your doctor… A article in Psychology Today discussed the many mood-elevating compounds found in semen including endorphins, serotonin and other chemicals I’ve never heard of and can’t pronounce.
In light of this, psychologists began to wonder if semen exposure might be associated with mood enhancement. (I know I always feel better after I’ve been exposed to some.) Doctors and scientists sought to find out…
In a study conducted by SUNY, 293 college women were surveyed about sex with and without condoms, and then given the Beck Depression Inventory to test their mood. They compared results from women who usually used condoms with those from women who never did (whose vaginas were exposed to semen).
The women who never used condoms showed significantly better mood overall, fewer depressive symptoms, and less bouts of depression. In comparison to women who never had sex, the semen-exposed women showed more elevated mood and less depression. Even more interesting, the study was conducted by a man AND a woman. Nevertheless, men reading this report will now have a new argument towards ditching the condom… Big ups to @Jessmypet for hookin’ us up with the article.
Man Tattoos ‘MINI’ On Penis to Win a Car
Think The Price is Right is the only way to win a new car? Not anymore! A German radio station recently held a contest asking listeners how far they would go to win a new Mini Cooper. The winning entry was from a 39-year old man who stated that he’d tattoo the word ‘mini‘ on his manhood to win the £20,000 vehicle.
As if the idea itself were not thoroughly entertaining enough, the ink-work was done live on-air so listeners could hear the play-by-play of the entire process. Despite his audible public, pubic agony, the winner said that he didn’t regret his decision, but rather stated that, “Once I’m sitting in the car, it won’t matter anymore. Then the pain will be gone and it’ll be alright.” But his penis is not so sure…
