Junk Food Makes Woman Orgasm
Who can blame this lusty dame for stuffing her (fat) face with junk food when it gets her off? The 25-year-old from Colorado is almost 500 lbs after eating enough ice-cream, cake and pizza to reach the peak of sexual pleasure. She suffers from a medical condition known as persistent genital arousal syndrome, which triggers orgasms without direct sexual arousal. (Sure wish I had that problem too!)
‘Sufferers’ of the condition can have up to 300 orgasms a day! In a similar story, another woman suffered from this after an accident with Wii Fit. But our Colorado heroine got smart… and rich (and fatter). She decided to profit from her condition by setting up a fetish website where pervs pay to watch her gorge herself to orgasm: www.gaininggabi.com.
…And change, and a small Mexican family. Police apprehended a woman from PA after she crashed her car while robbing a local inn. The search that ensued resulted in the discovery of a sizable stash of drugs and cash hidden in her vagina. According to a report in the Scranton Times-Tribune, authorities were called to the scene of a car accident where the suspect was arrested on suspicion of theft.
Initially, police found only three bags of heroin in her jacket. But after they escorted the woman to the station, the police noticed her fidgeting in the back seat (presumably with her vagina). She then admitted to police that she had more drugs in her genitals.
The doctor who performed the second search removed 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, eight prescription pills and $51.22 in cash and change. (Frankly, I’m impressed; clearly she’s in the wrong line of work: #vaginalmarypoppins.)
The woman was charged for possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of possession of a controlled substance. On the plus side though, she’s got a decent shot at ‘World’s Largest Snatch’ in the Guinness’ Book of World Records.
Judge Bans Sex for Man with Low IQ
If only more judges would ban sex for people with low IQ… well, we possibly would not need a welfare system! A British man with a low IQ has been banned from having sexual intercourse and the judge presiding over the case admitted that the case raised questions about “civil liberties and personal autonomy“.
The 41 year-old man of apparently low IQ had been in a relationship with a man with whom he lived; he told officials “it would make me feel happy” for it to continue. However, council representing his accommodations ruled that his “vigorous sex drive” was inappropriate. They maintained that with an IQ of 48 and a “moderate” learning disability, he did not understand what he was doing. They began legal proceedings to restrict the relationship. (I’m sorry, but even The Book of $@bs clearly states that retards have the right to get off.)
Both the defense and prosecution agreed that the case was “legally, intellectually and morally” complex since sex is “one of the most basic human functions“. (Ain’t that the goddamn truth.) Nevertheless, the court ruled that the man should not be allowed to have intercourse with anyone on the grounds that he did not have the mental capacity to understand the health risks associated with his actions. This may also have had something to do with the fact that the man was accused of making lewd gestures at children in a dentist’s office and on a bus. (Albeit comedic genius.) Big ups to @Jessmypet for finding a suitable image in the search for a sexy retard.
A snake after milk or revenge got more than he bargained for after biting a model’s augmented breast. (Scary looking) Israeli model Orit Fox was on Spanish TV’s Telecino handling the snake and decided to tongue it.
The snake, obviously not into blondes with fake boobs, latched onto her left breast. The model was taken to the hospital for medical treatment where she received a tetanus shot. The snake died.
To watch the scene unravel, click here.
Man Loses Penis in Industrial Accident
Who doesn’t secretly dream about getting hurt on the job to obtain workman’s comp? Well, maybe this guy… A temporary worker at the Future Foam Carpet Cushion Co. claims that the company didn’t give him the proper training to use a peeler machine from which a safety guard had been removed. As a result, the machine’s “surgically sharp steel blade” sliced through his pelvis, cutting off his penis and testicles and almost slicing his entire body in half. (But let’s concentrate on his severed genitalia…)
The worker sued the company which made the peeler machine, used to cut foam for carpet padding, but it was Future Foam that had removed the protective guarding intended to prevent workers from injury, in violation state/federal regulations. The victim had been instructed to change out the foam core on the peeler machine when the surgically sharp steel blade was exposed and activated, cutting off his cock and balls. The man is now seeking punitive damages from Future Foam for negligence, strict liability, disfigurement, loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life, medical expenses, loss of earnings, and loss of earning capacity. He is also seeking a new penis.
Penis Headpieces Sent Down Runway
Yea, Fashion can get pretty annoying: paper thin waifs clad in nothing but burlap sacks that still somehow look better than you do. No one would argue that the industry is swarming with dickheads; and one fashionista is taking that literally.
A fashion show in London displayed collections inspired by rituals, costumes, or traditional Roman Catholic carnivals marking the beginning of Lent. The look translated into loose fitting sportswear, draped with fabrics, etc.
New Power Studio took this one step further with creative new head ware: penises and breasts made out of PVC. Could the trend take off? Maybe… in the gay community… Check out more here.
