If your local clergyman claims that the gods performed a sex change on him, you may want to think about converting. A 25-year-old South African priest claimed to have been mysteriously turned into a woman by the gods, alleging that he gave birth to a baby girl. Hundreds of village people (not to be confused with The Village People) gathered where the baby was to be introduced to the community, but were told that the priest had been arrested.
Police reported that the priest had approached a pregnant woman in the village and told her that her womb contained a python. The woman began to consult the priest to perform rituals on her until she delivered. When in labor, the priest told the woman not to look at the python so as to avoid birthing more pythons. The priest then carried the ‘python’ in a cloth to a nearby bush to bury it.
Later, the mother learned that the priest was claiming to have given birth to a baby girl and had held a naming ceremony. Suspicious, the woman went to her medical doctor who had taken her through the prenatal process before she had been in touch with the priest. The medical doctor informed her that the priest lied; prenatal tests showed that her womb contained a real fetus, not a python after all (shocker). Police arrested the priest, who then admitted he had tricked the biological mother of the baby he’d stolen.
The priest still maintains that he was sleeping one night when he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his waist and realized with shock that his penis had disappeared and in its place he had a vagina.
Next time you decide to trespass naked and take a shit in a stranger’s garage, you might want to check to make sure the homeowner isn’t a former member of the military.
Police in North Idaho received a phone call from a local resident that “Some guy had gone in his garage and taken all his clothes off. He went to the bathroom on his floor and was sitting in his hot tub naked.” The 23-year old suspect had also thrown up in the garage.
The homeowner held the suspect at gunpoint when he discovered the perp lounging on his couch naked. He said to the homeowner, ‘You are not going to shoot me‘. The homeowners wife then got involved and stated, ‘He used to be a Marine, he’ll shoot you.’” (Just when you thought it was safe to crap in a stranger’s garage…)
Neighbors said when police arrived they ordered the homeowner to drop the gun, whereupon the intruder took off and went over the back fence. He continued to run down the street naked until police caught him. Contrary to popular belief, the man caught was NOT the naked, greased up deaf guy from the popular animation cartoon, Family Guy.
What’s pink, floats, and looks good enough to have sex with? One man would say the answer is his neighbor’s pool raft. A 32-year-old man from OH was arrested for allegedly having sex with a neighbor’s pink inflatable raft in an alley. The neighbor reported that he spotted the man on top of the raft with his pants “down around his ankles.”
Disturbed, the neighbor shouted, interrupting the crime of passion only momentarily. The perp pulled up his pants and left, but took the pool raft with him. (You can have his pool raft when you pry it from his cold, dead penis.)
When questioned by police, the man admitted to having sex with the pool raft, but claimed that he “has a problem,” (ya think???) and that he “needs help.” The discarded raft was found marooned in a backyard. The police investigation continues to determine whether the sex between the man and the raft was consensual.
Floridian drivers got a surprise drive-by peep show Monday afternoon when they had to swerve to avoid a woman crawling naked in the middle of the road with total disregard to traffic.
Cops stated that a crowd had gathered to watch the woman “crawling on her hands and knees as vehicles swerved to avoid hitting her” and that “at one point, she rolled onto her back and spread her legs; she then continued crawling around.”
Authorities managed to get her out of harm’s way with minimal resistance and the 32-year-old was taken to a local medical center. Theories included that the woman was playing a naked version of human Frogger, but she then informed police that she’d been on a cocaine binge (shocker) and is now facing charges of disturbing the peace and criminal mischief. (Though somehow escaped charges of indecent exposure? Suspect…)
