eDream Log
- I had a dream that I was one from one of those Marvel comics you read. I was decked out in swords defending this young girl in a hotel room. The zombies were coming, and they wouldn’t stop, so it came to the point to where we had to escape the endless offing of the lifeless motions. I began having feelings of emotion as I could not create an escape route for the hotel bedroom so I began to withdraw from the dream like taking a lighter to a movie projectors conveyor belt of scenes depicting when a tangent was to be formed.
- Dreamed I was trying to help this would-be-assassin Asian ninja girl, but I didn’t know a thing about Martial Arts. Someone had kidnapped her father and while she went to parley with the captors, I was stuck alone in a room full of enemy ninjas, with two knives I didn’t know how to use. “Anyone wanna show me how to use these?” I asked. No one responded.
- Dreamed I was in Finland with no pants on. The Finns were not very helpful. I finally found a small thicket of trees where I could hide out. But what my next move would be, I knew not…
-Dreamed I had to show my passport everywhere I went for security purposes. I threw a boomerang and it returned at nearly sonic speed, demolishing a police substation. “They’ll think I’m a terrorist” I thought.
- Dreamed I was at my grandparent’s cottage where my cousin had built a large storage barn with an apartment in it. The apartment was where I was to live as per court order. That part of northern Michigan is fairly isolated and I wondered if I would ever make any friends or even meet a woman. The storage barn was on a river with very clear water, and tumbling in the stream were rocks and boulders. I thought “This must be what glacial outwash looks like.” But glacial outwash is cloudy with silt, and I acknowledged my error to myself. Then it was time to get in a van. I realized I was going to a day program for mentally handicapped adults. I tried to speak and I couldn’t. I was mentally handicapped, but could not figure out in what way since I was having coherent thoughts. The van driver looked evil. I didn’t want to go but I had to. The other program participants could be seen slumped over in the van windows.
- Last night and today, during a nap I dreamed I was furious with my mother. She had defaced one of my paintings so I ripped some stuff off her loom and shredded it while screaming hysterically. During the nap, I dreamed she drove across a protected tall-grass prairie in a big 1970′s era customized van. I took a pellet gun and shot up some of her china and she grabbed me by the neck and screamed in my face until her eyes began popping out of her head. I have no idea why. I love my mom and I’m worried about her…
- Dreamed I was being sued by a former coworker. She claimed that years ago I had once spoken of something that made her uncomfortable and she was now suing for an amount in excess of $100,000. I asked her why and she said “You had the right to say something that made me uncomfortable.” I looked for people to take my side in the case and there were none.
- Dreamed there was a way to fold little paper footballs that somehow honored the Black race. I didn’t fold mine right and a black person yelled at me to put the goddamn paper down and leave the folding of little paper footballs to REAL black people and not “Wiggers from Connecticut.” It was so humiliating because I did not mean to offend anyone.
- Dreamed I was on a boat travelling down a river and stopping at lovely towns along the way. The owner of the boat allowed several annoying teenagers to bring their rats on board, which upset my rat, a lovely slender grey rat named Willis. I went to the galley and said to someone, “I need a goddamn cigarette.” They said the teenagers had banned smoking around their rats. “I fucking hate teenagers,” I said. “Take it easy“, someone said, “this is their boat now.”
- Dreamed I was on speaker-phone with a man trying to tell him to stop having an affair with my wife. He laughed and said he had no intention to stop fucking her, and fucking her HARD. Meanwhile she sat and pretended to cry, but rolled her eyes when she thought I wasn’t looking. Later, I applied for a job and they said “You’re too fat to work here. We’re all skinny and healthy and your blood sugar and blood pressure are through the roof!” I woke up feeling alone and sad.
- Dreamed I was eating cigarette butts, cramming them in my mouth. People were talking about me, saying “This is the behavior we have observed.”
- Dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
- Dreamed I had to spray people with ammonia in order to apply for a grant. When they refused, I went to their desks and doused everything with ammonia from a spray bottle.
- Dreamed I was in a deserted barracks in a bed. I looked up and there was a manic-looking monkey coming toward me. I didn’t want the monkey to touch me but it did and I screamed. I was telling someone the story and that person said “Wow you could be on ‘Touched by a Monkey’”. “What is that?” I asked. She said “Oh it’s just a talk show for people who have had monkeys touch them.”
- Dreamed I was driving a 1962 Chevy Bel Air. I was somehow driving from the back seat and was all over the road. A balloon kept floating up in front of my face until I bit it and popped it and then I was in the front seat, and arriving in a small town that was Mason, Michigan. A cute girl welcomed me and offered to show me around. The sites included a Victorian house built INTO THE ROCK of a cliff. A spiral staircase went up to many levels. ”Can I touch you?” I asked. ”No, sorry” she said. ”I teach Sunday school.”
- Dreamed that I was living in one of those boathouses on a canal in Amsterdam. I was utterly stoked about my living situation, though also concerned I would eventually get motion sick; the boathouse was not sufficiently docked to the pier. Later on, I flew hundreds of feet above ground via an extremely large plastic bag that caught wind.
- Dreamed that these aliens posing as spray ladies in the mall were trying to kill all human beings. I was running around the mall trying to escape them, but it turned out they were only looking for select people. After they had satisfied their mission, they went back to spraying bad perfume on innocent shoppers.
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Dreamed I was lost and naked in a lake community. A dragonfly landed on my head. It was a Blue Dasher. I saw a guy on the second floor of his tiny little “A” frame chalet and asked for directions. He was an asshole and told me to ask him later after I had put some clothes on. I took a dinner plate, which I picked up off the ground and threw like a frisbee, smashing his wife’s Precious Moments curio cabinet. I thought ‘Uh-oh’, and took a running jump, landing in the lake, and began swimming toward the other side. The dragonfly stayed with me as I swam.
- Dreamed I was in a darkened hardware store and there was someone in there sneaking up on me. My girlfriend woke me up because I was whimpering and choking. Later I dreamed I met Barak Obama and we had a sincere warm handshake.
- Dreamed I was helping a friend move a bunch of electrical equipment from a barn to a ramshackle old house that had tons of rooms, apartments, alcoves and reading nooks. It was dusty and all I wanted was to smoke pot and snoop through the house. I was sure there were some perfect little rooms somewhere in there where I could sit quietly and read some old books.
- Dreamed I was searching for the super in my building to deal with a leak in the bathroom ceiling. He was lost in a sea of loud Dominicans (hardly a dream). When I found him, he was extremely friendly and helpful. Then I knew for sure I was dreaming…
- Last night dreamed of undiscovered rooms in my grandparent’s garage. They were full of bird nests and scrawny baby birds. I left the rooms thinking that they must remain undisturbed.
- Dreamed my group of eco-terrorists cut down some power lines. I fled and ended up in the parking lot of a shipping company where an olive oil taste test was happening. I drank too much Colavita Extra Virgin and had to go to the bathroom—real real bad.
- Dreamed I looked in the mirror and was beautiful, an androgynous type of angel. I smiled, thinking, “This is how I really look.” You would think this would give me confidence and an inner sense of peace, but not so, because the morning after I had a panic attack that nearly made me check myself into the hospital because I thought I was dying.
- Dreamed I slept with David Wallace, former CFO of Dunder Mifflin, in order to advance my career… (in paper?)
- Dreamed I had to carry around this nasty toenail for doctors to run tests on. Couldn’t get an appointment so I had it in my pocket. Called Quest Diagnostics to see when I could bring my toenail in for tests and they told me they don’t test toenails anymore. ”What am I supposed to do with it?” I asked. ”Eat it,” they said. So I did.
- Dreamed I was in this rambling old Adirondack hotel with stairways and little alcoves everywhere. Little seating areas were stocked with old books and shabby-chic chairs and sofas. I climbed to the very top to see what books were there and there was a very chubby girl who wanted me to have sex with her. I said “I don’t have a condom…” She said, “You are so clinical! Love can never be impure!” but I was thinking of protecting my own disease-free status, so I said “Hey baby, I’ll finger ya!” which is not how I speak at all. So I went at it and her vagina was bottomless—no cervix. Soon I was up to my elbow. “Oh no!” I said ”I’m late for my poetry reading and I need to wash up.” That’s all I remember.
- Dreamed that a friend who lives on the Upper West Side was dead but was appearing to me. She was all wavy and misty. “We can still make that visit to the Cloisters, I’ll just be in your mind,” she said. At the Cloisters, there was a room where I saw my ex-wife dressed like a monk, slapping her boobs up against the boobs of another woman. “There is no end to this,” said my dead friend. “Is this one of the levels of hell?” I asked . ”Maybe for you it is,” she said.
- Dreamed I was watching an early Julia Child show in black and white and she was using a lot of cuss words. She seemed really upset. ”Now take your bird by his fucking neck, and…
- Took a nap today and dreamed I worked for a government agency that monitors earthquakes. I guess that would be the USGS. Anyway, all of my coworkers marriages were falling apart due to the pressure of having to predict “The big one.” One guy kept staring at his screen saying “c’mon, ya bitch…shake it up, ya cunt!” I thought if these people are in charge of warning us about earthquakes, we’re all fucked.
- Dreamed that a friend and I had to stock an ice hotel with supplies for a big celebrity ball and fundraiser. It was in the middle of a frozen lake, and she quickly became hypothermic. I thought, ‘This is so stupid’. Beth is freezing to death so some asshole can have crab cakes, Stoli and bacon-wrapped-scallops. I said “Here, wear my parka while I go warm up some chicken soup on the snowmobile engine block,” which I then did.
- Dreamed I attended a lecture sponsored by WNYC on “The Future of Farting in America.” The lecturer believed that farting was in danger of disappearing—that it had had its day.
- I was addressing the host of a radio call-in show, telling him, ”The ice cream will work if you give it a chance. No toppings like fudge or jimmies, just let the ice cream WORK.
- So I was a kid in this dream, I was out with my Mom and sisters at this shitty department store we used to go to in OH. I had just gotten new sneakers and was feeling good about life. A couple of things were distressing me though. It was like 1,000 degrees outside and the parking lot was completely empty. The place I had presumably just acquired sneakers at looked abandoned.
On our walk out of the parking lot, a pair of hands emerged from the ground. There was no hole, they just sort of emerged. They made a grab at my new sneaks! After some struggle, I realized OMG IT’S A GORILLA LIVING UNDER THE LOT. I could see his furry arms at this point. The fuck eventually got my sneakers off of my feet and disappeared back in to his alternate plane of existence underground.
My mom frantically called for help – and no shit, the CHiPs showed up! They were on their California highway patrol bikes in Ohio. They assessed the situation and assured us they could get my shoes back. “He does this all the time”, they said. I don’t really recall how they did it, but I know by the end of the dream I did have my shoes. Apparently the parking lot gorilla returned them without incident.
- Dreamed I was studying and Cher comes by with a posse and demands to see my pee-pee. I said show me your butt! She did and it was incredibly shapely and youthful. I said to her “That’s not your butt—-you got a butt graft!” This angered the posse and I went back inside the house while the posse engaged in heated conversation. Cher was talking angrily on her cell phone.
- Dreamed that Pepsi Commercial Michael Jackson conceived a terror plot to prove to me how angry I am with the world and how it exhausts me; which I’ve known for years. Somehow it did seem cathartic in the dream…
- Dreamed I had found some packing material. It was stringy stuff and I put it on my head like a wig. I was mincing around my house with this packing-material wig and i saw a workman at the door who wanted to know where he could connect a hose. I said, in my best southern drawl, Honey You Asked the Right Girl! He didn’t laugh.
- Dreamed I was sent to kill the son of God. I don’t know if it was Jesus I was supposed to kill – no name was given. I just knew my orders were to kill the son of God, who took the form of a baby. Went into a dark room where a baby was crying awake in his crib. I had orders to smother the baby with a pillow, which I did. Then all I remember is after smothering the baby, I saw scary images of evil things in my head and woke up sweating. And I’m not even Jewish.
- Dreamed I was a general in the middle of a war. The camp I oversaw was in the middle of an attack and I was holed up in one of the barracks with dysentery and could barely move. There was no one near me, no one to hear me scream, and the booming of bombs and gunshots was so great that no one would have been able to hear me scream for help, not that I was trying. I was simply laying in a heap, praying for death to take me. The prospect of death was preferable that the idea of having to move. I had basically decided to die and was eager to do so. I think this was a result of having eaten a shit load of greasy food before bed…
- Have dreamed repeatedly that I’m sent on a mission to save the world. I have one person to help me – the person is always different and nobody I know. I also have a kind of magic wand of sorts; no actual stick to it, just kind of like a laser pointer with a button. It’s main purpose is to enable me to fly. My mission is to get to the tallest building where I’ll be able to save the world with the help of an enormous satellite. Sometimes I wake up before I get to the end, sometimes I’m successful, but I never stop trying to accomplish the mission before I wake up. Seems like at the end I should yell “Got ya, Suckers” ala Bowfinger, but I never do.
