Good news for sexually active 12-year-olds! A major Swiss condom manufacturer just created extra-small condoms for boys as young as 12 years of age. A standard condom has a diameter of 2 inches, while the newly created condom, known as ‘The Hotshot’, is 1.7 inches. (Actually, I can think of a few men above the age of 12 that might also benefit from this.)
The mini-condom, whose slogan is “it fits when passion hits“, was the result of research done by family planning groups and the Swiss AIDS Federation. Their studies showed that adolescent boys were not using proper protection when engaging in intercourse. Currently, the product is only offered in Switzerland and sells for 7.60 Swiss Francs per pack of six. However, a representative of the manufacturer stated that the newly developed condoms will hopefully soon be available in the UK, which has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe.
Big Penis Saves Minor
Big dicks never looked so good; especially to one particular first grader. She was spared from being raped because her assailant’s penis was too big to penetrate her.
The attacker, a farmer, lured the girl in a school yard and asked her to lie down next to him on the ground. When she refused, he pulled her to the ground and removed her clothes.
Police stated that the size of the farmer’s dick was a “blessing in disguise” since he could not penetrate the victim. Instead, he just ejaculated all over the girl’s privates.
The girl reported the incident to her aunt, which led to the farmer’s arrest. Bet he wishes he stuck to sheep…
My only question regarding the case is whether inmates will rejoice or lament over the addition of the farmer’s unit to their living quarters…
Man With World’s Largest Penis Unemployed
Just exactly how large is the world’s biggest male member? According to an HBO documentary, right around 13.5 inches. It cums as no surprise then (pun intended), that the owner of this impressive piece of equipment, Jonah Falcon, is an aspiring actor.
What is surprising, however, is that he has rejected the obvious career choice for a man of his standing (on 3 legs): Porn. I know, kind of a waste of … um, natural talent. Why? Two reason: First, he stated “If I did porn, nobody would take me seriously. Nobody. And Nobody would care about the size of my penis.”
And secondly, “Because porn actors all lie about the size of their penis. I’ve been measured on TV.”
Instead he’d rather swing his thing around the unemployment line. Make sense to anyone? Yea, me neither, but apparently the man (to end all men) is still seeking employment.
I wonder if he’d consider a (very) private company…
How to Masturbate Discreetly in Public
If you’re a natural born horn-dog and have never tried masturbating (discreetly) in public, you’re missing out. The danger of getting caught can be quite thrilling, and apparently not I’m alone in this sentiment. A recent article published by The Daily Loaf has some helpful hints on how you can get started being naughty on the down low, such as:
Hide a Vibe Lipgloss – The perfect lip color or a secret pocket rocket for your portable pleasure? Only you can tell!
Vibrating Panties – Arouse your button with just a push of a button.
Seat Massager – Recommended for men (though I don’t really get how that translates into masturbation…)
My personal favorite is the old standby “crotch hole in the overalls” trick – works every time.
For the full article, click here.
Vagina Rejuvenation Spray
If the artificial hymen isn’t enough to prove your faux purity, now there’s Instant Virgin vagina tightening spray! Made of all natural ingredients, this new herbal spray can be applied 15 minutes prior to sex and promises to start tightening the vaginal walls immediately.
The manufacturing company states that the product is condom safe and will not affect fertility. (Yea, I don’t know that you’d want to tighten your vagina any time around pregnancy.) There’s even a money back guarantee if it does produce the desired result. (“Hey, my vagina’s still loose!”)
Daily use of the item will apparently prevent your vagina from “further aging” and provide for “total vagina rejuvenation”. (Rejuvajnation? Eh, there’s somethin’ there…) The makers continue that the item is very economically price and that after all, “Men prefer a tight vagina”. (Thanks, Captain Obvious.)
Scorned Woman Posts Teeny Weenie Pics
She who laughs last laughs best. Especially when she’s laughing at her ex-boyfriend’s small dick and the whole world is laughing with her. One very funny 18-year-old female was charged with harassment for posting pics of her ex’s “little” penis on lampposts in his neighborhood. After the 24-year old man ended their brief relationship to date another woman, the Swedish teen posted pictures of her ex’s genitalia, complete with the “tiny” description, and added her ex-lover’s name and phone number to the post, just so no one would confuse his identity. Seriously though, if it was really that small, then why is she pissed he’s with someone else? Good riddance if you ask me (coming from a size queen deluxe). To read the full article, click here.
Four Stages of Orgasm
If you thought orgasm was just wham, bam, warm and sticky liquids everywhere, well apparently that’s not all there is to it. An article in The Eye Opener states that there are actually four stages to every orgasm, for both men and women. First comes the excitement phase (pun intended). This stage is associated with increased heart rate, breathing rate and blood pressure. As the body prepares for sex, the nipples usually get hard. (Yay-ya!)
The second stage is the plateau phase, where muscles begin to tense up. According to the article, in this stage “women will find the tissues of the outer third of the vagina will swell. Men pre-ejaculate.” The third stage, everyone’s favorite of course, is the actual orgasm phase. Marked by pleasurable moans and groans, this stage also includes muscle contractions in the lower pelvic muscles and involuntary actions. (Like a bitch slap?) During 4th phase, resolution, muscles relax, blood pressure drops and the body calms down. Evidently, for some (and I’m thinking I’m one of them), this can take as long as a full 24 hours.
A 28-year old man/nerdlover has been charged for using World of Warcraft to lure boys into emailing him nude pictures and videos of themselves. (Seriously, who wants naked pictures of pimply pubescent dorks?) The man had apparently accumulated a lot of ‘gold’ in the game World of Warcraft and was exchanging his gold for naked photos and video footage, including “live webcam videos of masturbation.”
Authorities discovered approximately 10,000 illegal pictures and 1200 videos of naked young boys ages 12 – 16 years old in the man’s possession. The man admitted to receiving the photos and videos (obvi), but insists that he didn’t pressure the boys into sending him anything (just ePaid them). Click here for more.
Get ready to barf; repeatedly. A 53-year-old man from Michigan has been charged for criminal sexual conduct after having a three-way with a 21-year-old mentally impaired woman (ewe) and her mother (double ewe). The man initially met the older woman in an online chat room back in ’07 and they’d had sex a bunch of times before involving the woman’s daughter.
The mentally challenged young woman has difficulty tying her shoes, cooking herself a meal, showering and dressing properly. She’s not able to live alone and has the IQ of a 10 year old (though I really don’t think a ten year old would want to have sex with the guy pictured here.) The judge hearing the case ruled that there’s enough evidence to convict the man on three counts of criminal sexual conduct. The 46-year-old mother is serving time in prison after pleading no guilty to third-degree criminal sexual conduct. To read the completely sickening article, click here.
The 10 Most Bizarre Sex Ed Videos
Ah, the days of sex ed videos and the endless hours of mocking them that ensued after being forced to watch one of these in school… the good ol’ days. I, personally, like the outdated ones where you can make fun of old fashioned clothes, hair styles, and activities (such as the ever popular 1950’s weenie roasts) in addition to awkward pubescent behavior.
Now all of the extremely uncomfortable moments can be yours again by watching the sex ed videos captured here. See Ricky jerk off to his mom’s voice. Watch Jimmy get into a car with a sick fuck. Learn about “this business of nocturnal emissions“. A big shout out to JoRu for hooking us up with this gem! To see all videos, click here.
