HoBag’s Remorse: A Diagnosis and Cure
Many of my gentlemen readers may not be able to relate to today’s posting. If you DO have a Y chromosome and you CAN relate, I’d love to hear about it.
DIAGNOSIS: HoBag’s Remorse can be defined as a hearty feeling of regret you wake up with due to having slept with someone. The regret can be as a result of many reasons, but is usually because the person is:
1. Fat, ugly or just plain disgusting and you were drunk/drugged
2. Married or already has a significant other
3. Has not bothered to contact you after the encounter
CURE: Like heartbreak, the only real cure for Hobag’s Remorse is time. Unfortunately, sleeping with someone else directly after contracting HoBag’s Remorse seems to only exacerbate the symptoms: mainly feeling like a two-bit whore.
If you have to see the person from whom you contracted HR, the best thing you can do is pretend that nothing happened. This strategy is known as “acting as if”. Act as if nothing untoward happened between you, act as if you enjoyed it, act as if you’d do it again; anything you have to do to get through dealing with “the dreaded”.
The important thing to remember is that even the nastiest cases of HR usually subside within a few days. Don’t be too hard on yourself; we all make mistakes. If the mistake can result in an even larger one, RUN, don’t walk, to your nearest pharmacy and get yourself some Plan B. Plan A, BTW, would have been not sleeping with the louse in the first place. This posting is dedicated to one of my favorite women on earth; this too shall pass!
PS. if you want to read more about my sordid sexcapades, click here for my guest blog posting.
$@bs
Comments
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Matthew Glenn on 03.30.2009
Great post. 2 bit-whore made me laugh. Been a while since i’ve heard that term. I just blogged about a sex experience last night as well: http://theliberalmormon.blogspot.com/2009/03/cold-feet.html
Great post
niceguyted on 03.30.2009
Another option (in the case of symptom #2 or #3) is to convince yourself that fate has finally intervened in your life and that you and the other party are IN LOVE – the fact that he has a significant other is insignificant and inconsequential. Having thus diagnosed yourself as being IN LOVE, you’re completely free to stalk him in broad daylight to your heart’s content – emails, phone calls, blog comments, just dropping by, etc. Being IN LOVE is awesome b/c it frees one from the strictures of social convention and polite society.
BRIAN on 03.30.2009
I like that term HR. I know a lot of Hobags. I think I used to be one and I’m not gonna get into it but I’ve definitely woke up the next day and looked over and asked myself WTF? Alcohol was definitely involved and sice I’m not female I didn’t have to worry about getting prego.
Gregg on 03.30.2009
I have had this happen. No substances were involved and it took a couple of days to realize how bad it was. Trying to forget someone else is no excuse for the actions. Now I don’t even speak to her and she sits beside me in Econ.
The $@bs on 03.30.2009
SO awkward. Do you know that Jim Croce song These Dreams? The lyrics touch on this and KILL me: “Once we were lovers but somehow things have changed. Now were just lonely people tryin to forget each others names. Ah Jim…
urdgift on 04.06.2009
Ah! You wrote this essay just 4 me! Thanks baby!
You are kool… That’s all I have to say!
And by d way… I accept resonsibility of contracting the HoBag’s illness… but only after the first time. (?? WTF ???)
Yea!
That’s right!!!!
Figure that one out!!!!
I bet you did’nt get a coment like this one! Yea!
I know that I’m trying to say something… but I can’t figure it out. Unless of course, if it has something to do with the fact that I was confronted with a second opportunity to catch HoBag’s Remorse… (meaning, I was presented with the opportunity to fuck again… but did’nt take it. But, how does it relate to accepting responsibility????
I don’t know!
Whatever!!!!
So…. there you have it!
Ha!
Ay que joderse!!!!!!!!!!
Oh…. regarding Plan A: (BTW)
Plan A, BTW = Bit Tiny Whore vs better to wait ??? Hello!!!
Is it me… or is everyone else an expert on acronyms?
So, does plan be means to run to the nearest drugstore to get the latest wonder pill called: “day after you fuck pill??? Yes???
The Plan B is so great… it’s generic! You may apply it to any present circunstance, and it will always give you a chance to re-group your thoughts before getting deeper in trouble, or whatever.
But that’s neither here … nor there!
So… ok!!!!
So… goooood!!!!
So… what’s your problem???
Te adoro
Ay Bendito… this is what goes on, on a normal day, inside my head!!! Now you understand?
Say yes… Please