Man Caught Spankin’ It at Target
People, if you insist on jerking off in your car, please park in your own driveway. A man is now facing misdemeanor exposure charges after he was caught masturbating in a Target parking lot. The 63-year-old parked his silver Chevy close to the building and covered his junk with nothing but old newspaper when witnesses saw him jerking off.
He wasn’t wearing pants when police approached his vehicle and told the cops that he didn’t have any pants on because he was hot and that he’d just been relaxing in his car. (Yes, I think most would agree that masturbating is very relaxing.) A police search of the vehicle yielded several porn photos, a bag containing women’s under garments, a handful of long brown hair (ew) and a clear vessel that contained fluids (ewier).
Upon his arrest, police discovered that he had been charged with indecent conduct in ’69 (Coincidence? I think not) and with peeping in ’73. During his arrest, the man told police that his wife of 35 years was ill and he was unable to have with her. (Naturally, the next best thing was gratifying himself in a Target parking lot.)
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