Homeless Man Charged With Indecent Exposure
A homeless man was arrested Saturday after authorities say he was seated outside a Laundromat wearing a jeans jacket around his waste, but no pants. When questioned, the man claimed his pants were inside being washed.
One witness told police that she walking out of the gas station next door when she passed the man, who lifted one leg as she walked by, exposing his genitalia to her. The man from East Naples (more like east nipples) was arrested for indecent exposure in public, trespassing, having an open container of alcohol in a public area and resisting an officer without violence.
Naked Walker Survives Snow Fall
One man’s drunken, midnight ramble through the woods almost turned his birthday suit into his death-day suit early yesterday morning.
The intoxicated 21-year-old slipped and rolled naked down the Victoria alpine region.
Police and medical staff were contacted the man, from Oakleigh, AU, slid over 260 feet down a frozen embankment before smashing into trees.
The man was recovered by friends and treated at the scene of the incident, suffering multiple abrasions to most of his body and second-degree hypothermia (not to mention a severe case of shrinkage). A local official called to the scene (and Notorious B.I.G.) commented, “…Another reminder that snow and alcohol don’t mix” (“like two dicks and no bitch; find yourself in serious $hit.”) A-DUH.
Cops: Nude, drunk was hard to bring down
It took 10 police officers to restrain a drunk, naked Lebanese man at a campground over the weekend in Noblesville, IN. (PS this has the makings of some seriously fantastic sketch comedy.) The local sheriff’s department stated that officers were called to the campground just after 3 am Sunday morning on reports of a “drunk, belligerent, naked man starting several fights there“. (That narrows it down… to all of the male guests on Jerry Springer.)
Arriving at the scene, police were exiting their vehicles when the unclothed, agitated and evidently injured man charged at them. (They must have been wearing red instead of blue.) The man continued to resist arrest even as a police dog bit him repeatedly and he was hit several times with a stun gun. At length he was successfully sedated and handcuffed. (Tough little f*cker!)
Police believe the man was reacting to a combination of alcohol, cocaine, PCP and magic mushrooms. (Oh, crazy little f*cker…) He was taken to a nearby hospital and later charged with disorderly conduct, resisting law enforcement, criminal mischief and striking or interfering with law enforcement.
The only question that remains: Is the guy fat? Cuz I’m going to need a little more direction casting the skit…
New Year’s Revolution and The FThrax
So one of my new year’s resolutions is to revolt against the Season Affective Disorder with which I’ve been self diagnosed. Every winter I have the urge to stage my own death and move to Spain. I’ve never even been to Spain, so I’m not entirely sure why I’ve decided I’d be happier there. It’s not like they don’t have winter.
One particular concerning side effect is my craving for sweets and starches. I’ve been sucking down sugar like it’s going out of style, which, of course, it never will. Would love to hear if anyone has any experiences with SAD and how they have remedied the situation (or not). Some have suggested light therapy, but I’m going to go with alcohol.
As a complete nonsequitur, when I get good and pissed at someone, I dream of sending them the Fake Thrax, powdered sugar in an unmarked enveloped. Now I’m not saying that I would ever do that, I’m just saying that I dream of it.
$@bs
Project Alcohol: Fierce
Got trashed last night… even shook my ass a bit. It was great.
I always feel especially accomplished on the nights I am able to go out and get drunk; mostly because usually I’m home watching movies on my laptop with a cat under each arm; not that that’s a bad thing.
Last night I went to Fashion Forty, a bar an old friend of mine co-owns.
I wasn’t there to see him though in the past I used to visit him every once in a while since I work around the corner.
Once when I stopped by, he didn’t appear for an hour.
When I finally saw him, I told him I had been looking for him, his response was,
“Yea, everybody’s looking for me.”
I didn’t bother to visit him again.
Get over yourself.
There will be more drinking in the late afternoon at my company Christmas party at Spanky’s Barbeque.
I’m going to have to get drunk just to deal with being in a place called Spanky’s.
$@bs
