Clearly putting in overtime, an Australian woman says she is entitled to workers compensation after she was injured while having sex in a motel room during a business trip. She claims she suffered a “psychiatric injury” (damn, was he that ugly?), as well as injuries to her mouth and nose, when a glass light fixture in her room smashed down onto her head while she was having sex with “an acquaintance” (aka, complete stranger).
The woman’s lawyer argued that the woman is entitled to compensation because sex is “an ordinary incident of life,” like showering, sleeping and eating. He continued that since the woman was required to spend the night in a motel chosen by her department, they should have informed her that having sex while on a business trip was not appropriate. (Because most business contracts outline this, obviously.)
“My client was actually quite significantly injured and emotionally traumatized, both by her injury and the way it has been reported as a subject of fun, which for her it is not,” he stated. Meanwhile, the insurance company argued that the woman should not be compensated because having sex has no relation to the woman’s job and took place outside the course of her employment. He maintained that the woman would only have a case if her employer “required” her to have sex or if she were able to prove that having sex was reasonably incidental to her work-related trip. It’s not clear when a verdict will be issued.
Dog Genitals Found in Mailbox
Postmen unite! Sick of of dogs being sicked on you? Someone had the answer to that one. Police are investigating a case of animal cruelty after a Melbourne man found a dog’s testicles in his mailbox. (Talk about a special delivery.) The man found the dog testes and scrotum in two plastic bags when he went to collect mail, according to sources. The package did not contain a message and it’s unclear whether the homeowner was the intended recipient. (Dog testicles are the new Anthrax.)
A local veterinary examination showed that the testicles hadn’t been removed as part of a proper veterinary procedure and the canine victim would have had to deal with serious blood loss and risk of infection. It’s thought that the dog probably didn’t survive. Police are asking the public to come forward with any information that may help in finding the perp.
Pejazzle is the new Vajazzle
What’s just as good as bedazzling vaginas? Why, bedazzling penises, of course!
From the people who apply Swarovski crystals to your cooter, cums Pejazzling; for the dick that outshines all others.
All you need is a pair of shiny disco balls and you’ll be all set… for Gay Pride! The down side?
Well, apart from exposing your junk to the obvious risk of being cut by many small shards of crystal (guess you won’t be able to jerk off for a while), the service is currently only offered in the UK and Australia. Sorry, America.
Teen Jailed for Shouting ‘I Am a Penis’
Sounds to me like he wasn’t lying, though… A teenager received a two month jail sentence after chanting ‘I am a fucking penis‘ through the streets of Brisbane. (Damn, Aussies don’t fuck around.) The 18-year-old was arrested and denied bail because he was screaming the profanity within earshot of families and children.
After being jailed for 7 days, his imprisonment was suspended and bail was granted following an appeal. Although the youth had seven previous convictions for public nuisance, this offense was not deemed serious. The judge presiding over the case stated that a longer prison sentence would have exposed the teen to harmful aspects of prison; and moreover, he was, in fact, ‘a fucking penis“…
Victim’s Penis Cut Off As Trophy
What do you do after stabbing a guy? Why, you cut off his dick as a memento, of course! An Australian man who stabbed a male nurse 41 times, cut off his victim’s penis to keep as a souvenir and later told a friend that he’d “done something very wrong“. (Ya think???)
The 30-year-old killer was a boarder at the victim’s home in Brisbane when he, the homeowner and a third man engaged in a sex act. Perhaps unable to deal with his homosexuality, the perp stabbed the homeowner 41 times, 16 cm. into his neck and chest. Then the madman posed the corpse for photos with props including a pot plant. (This is why marijuana is illegal, people!)
After this, he shoved a pair of nail scissors up the cadaver’s nostril and put band-aids over his eyes with dots drawn on them. He the cut off the deceased man’s penis, wrapped it in Glad Wrap (not to be confused with Saran Wrap) and put it in a salt bottle to “keep it as a souvenir.” The victim’s testicles were severed and left in the kitchen sink while the murderer went on a heroine binge after the killing. The trial continues…
Next time your goofball friend offers to give you a free tattoo, don’t let him; especially when the two of you have been arguing. An amateur tattoo artist in Australia is now facing assault charges after applying a 40 cm penis on his friend’s back instead of a Yin/Yang and dragons, as requested.
A ‘peace offering’ following an argument the two had had, the art was accompanied by an ‘unspecified slogan‘ implying that the recipient is gay. (‘Unspecified slogan’ = ‘fag’?)
The young man went home to show off the new tat to his roommate, who responded with a resounding: ‘I don’t think it’s the tattoo you were after‘. The 21-year-old artist is due in court next month, charged with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm.
The victim faces nine months of pain in order to have the tattoo removed by laser.. or else leaving the cock on his back to wither. (Note: Actual penis tattoo artwork not available.)
Naked Fist Fight Shocks Cafe Patrons
In an episode that clearly should have been aired on Spike TV, a woman stripped naked in front of a crowd of people innocently dining at a restaurant in Australia yesterday. Witnesses reported that the woman took off all her clothes when she got into a full-on fist fight with another woman over a man.
Police said that the 39-year-old woman was picked up from a median strip on Dick Ward Drive (note the irony) after she tore off all of her clothes. Restaurant customers were reportedly unimpressed (obviously an ‘A’ cup).
One witness commented, “She was pretty much just defending herself and then she was lifting up her shirt and showing her breasts. She took off her clothes and then she walked to the median strip, lit a cigarette and laid down.” Police found the woman lying naked, still in full view of patrons at the restaurant. She was given a fine and taken home in a paddy wagon. Aussies apparently don’t have very advanced phones since NO footage is available of the encounter. Thanks for nothin’, Australia.
Naked Sydney Opera House Installation
If there were no such thing as Spencer Tunick, my content would be down at least 5%. Regardless, the well-known photographer recently unveiled his latest installation: The Base (pictured above). The piece was created using over five thousand nude people at Sydney’s Opera House during Sydney’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras festival in March. Each nude participant arrived just before dawn to take part in the photo, created in just a few hours.
Tunick commented, “For me it was about bringing the gay and lesbian community together with the straight community to make an equal fabric, and to be the base of this incredibly historic Opera House. So, it is significant politically for me, because I am a believer that the base, the core, of any open-minded free society is its equal treatment of all its citizens — including gays and lesbians, and their right to marriage, and all of their legal rights.” Click here for footage of the installation.
‘Gay Zombie Porn’ Banned from Film Festival
Not getting your daily fix of gay zombie porn? Well then definitely don’t head to Australia. Aussie censors recently banned Canadian film-maker Bruce LaBruce’s gay zombie porn comedy, L.A. Zombie, from the Melbourne International Film Festival.
The movie tells the story of a fairly unrealistic looking alien zombie in LA who attempts to bring the dead back to life through homoerotic sex.
A synopsis on the film festival’s website promises that the film features “plenty of wound-shagging and more penises than you can shake a stick at.” It’s the first time in seven years that a film has been banned from the festival. LaBruce defends his work stating, ”The film obviously has artistic merit or it wouldn’t be in competition at an A-list film festival.”
The film-maker’s last gay zombie film, Up with Dead People or Otto, (good Lord, there’s more than one???) premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2008.
Cop Fired Over Penis Party Trick
These days party tricks don’t elicit the same respect they used to. One Australian cop learned this the hard way when he was fired after a penis bottle trick at the precinct’s Christmas party, held in a Chinese restaurant. The officer attached a bottle opener to a piercing on his junk and opened a bottle of beer with it in front of fellow officers and their wives. Someone didn’t think it was that impressive, apparently, since they complained and the officer was terminated. The district’s Police Commissioner stated that he had “lost confidence” in the officer and matters were made worse in that the cop was one of the most senior officers at the celebration.
The officer had been involved in a similar incident at a pub three years earlier and had received counseling over it. (Counseling FAIL.) He stated that colleagues had been encouraging him to expose himself (well, that does happen at every company Christmas party) and that there were no other customers at the restaurant when he went to the bathroom to attach the bottle opener to his penis. He acknowledges that his behaviour was “inappropriate“, but said he did not intend to offend. He commented: “I kicked myself later because something that was meant to be fun turned out to be a lot more serious than that.” Worried about his career? Don’t be. He was just offered a job as a NY bartender. The case continues and the bottle of beer has been detained for questioning.
