Dog Genitals Found in Mailbox
Postmen unite! Sick of of dogs being sicked on you? Someone had the answer to that one. Police are investigating a case of animal cruelty after a Melbourne man found a dog’s testicles in his mailbox. (Talk about a special delivery.) The man found the dog testes and scrotum in two plastic bags when he went to collect mail, according to sources. The package did not contain a message and it’s unclear whether the homeowner was the intended recipient. (Dog testicles are the new Anthrax.)
A local veterinary examination showed that the testicles hadn’t been removed as part of a proper veterinary procedure and the canine victim would have had to deal with serious blood loss and risk of infection. It’s thought that the dog probably didn’t survive. Police are asking the public to come forward with any information that may help in finding the perp.
It’s not death that I’m afraid of, it’s an unnecessarily embarrassing death I’d have to live down into eternity that keeps me up at night. Like this unfortunate chap: A 44-year-old man from Newport, Shropshire, who died after he tied himself to a tree, wrapped a cord around his penis and became trapped. In a Houdini FAIL of epic proportions, the man cut his wrists in attempts to escape and died of blood loss and hypothermia.
Friends of the deceased noted that on the night before he died, the man had downed seven pints of beer and a vodka/coke. He returned home at 1:00 am to make a rope with two loops for his wrists. Then he went for walk, found a tree, removed his clothes and tied himself to the tree using his improvised handcuffs, facing the tree. He was found at 8:00 am the next morning wearing only socks and boots, with the cord still wrapped around his penis. He died just a few hours later. Still no word on what in God’s name he was doing with a cord wrapped around his dick, tied naked to a tree in the first place…
