Catch the Flow: The Menstrual Cup
As a female, we have but two choices: and I don’t mean death or oongaboonga. You can shove a stick of cotton up there, hope there’s no overflow, and pull a warm gooey wad of blood out of yourself hours later, better known as a tampon.
Or you can place a would-be padded post it on your panties and glimpse the contents of your uterus leaking out every time you pee: the pad. Isn’t there a better solution? Not as of yet, but we just found out about a worse one: The Menstrual Cup.
The Menstrual Cup is a small silicone or latex container that holds about an ounce of period blood. You insert it into your vagina like a tampon and twice a day, you take it out and pour the blood into the toilet. Then rinse, vomit, and repeat. Apparently some sick bitches love this technique, and I have to admit, they make a good case for why we should make the switch from tampons and pads.
1. Money/Cash. The cup costs between $20-$40. Ladies spend that much in tampons and pads in a matter of months, but the cup can last for years.
2. Vaginally Green: Pads, tampons and plastic applicators satiate a landfill’s belly. Even Kermit knows it’s not easy being green, but this is a pretty simple way to give back to Muth Natche.
3. Hide the Crimson Tide: No need to worry about leakage or that ever-so-annoying little white string hanging seductively from your crotch. Added bonus: no risk of toxic shock syndrome.
Want to know more? Check out this (somewhat disturbing) vid:
In a rusty start to end all rusty starts, a most unfortunate British bridegroom impaled his manhood during his wedding night. The man and his new wife were looking forward to an evening of newlywedded debauchery when the groom attempted to serenade his wife on stage and ended up impaling his penis on a rusty nail.
Blood immediately began pouring from his crotch and he screamed, ’My ball’s hanging off” only minutes before fainting. The young man was rushed to the emergency room where he received 17 stitches to repair the damage. The couple was able to consummate the marriage two days later.
A Canadian man had just boarded a flight when he began to feel discomfort in his groin. Inspecting himself in the bathroom, he noticed that his genitals were bleeding. (Un)Naturally he sent for a male flight attendant to examine his bloody penis. Shockingly, the flight attendant refused and instead, simply handed the passenger some tissues. Upon landing, the passenger was admitted to a local hospital where doctors diagnosed him with a ruptured vein.
The passenger now claims that the flight attendant ruined his vacation and is now suing the airline for $8,000. (It also may have had something to do with the fact that his dick was bleeding.) Even if the flight attendant acquiesced to looking at the hemorrhaging cock, what exactly did he expect someone who’s NOT a medical professional to do? Suck out the poison? The Canadian judge felt similarly and rejected the case.
