A man from Boulder, Co is facing charges of indecent exposure after he was caught masturbating behind the (aptly named) meat counter of a local grocery. A female customer at the store reported that she was shopping in the meat department when the suspect asked her if she was finding everything. She told authorities that she noticed movement behind the meat display (no, not his own personal meat display, but the cold cuts) and saw the suspect ‘holding his penis‘. She continued that the suspect began jerking off while talking to her, but seeing the look of shock on her face, put his dick back in his pants.
The woman then stated that she walked away from the meat counter and looked back to see the suspect back in the act. After reporting the incident to the store’s manager, police were called and the suspect was arrested. When questioned by police, the suspect admitted to “having his penis out of his pants”. The case was set for trial on September 7 and the store was closed for unrelated reasons (though I’m sure this didn’t help).
Man Crawls Naked Into Wrong Woman’s Bed
A 20-year-old man (well, hardly a man) from Boulder, CO, was arrested after police said he crawled naked into a woman’s bed and refused to cooperate with officers responding to the complaint.
The woman called the cops at around 4:30 a.m. Sunday to report that an unknown man had crawled into bed with her while she slept. The woman bounced out of bed and ran into a roommate’s room to phone authorities.
Turns out that the guy had come home from a party with another roommate and wandered into the wrong room by mistake. Drunk (shockingly) the man refused to cooperate with officers when they ordered him to come out of the bedroom.
He eventually complied once threatened with a Taser. The woman didn’t file charges in light of the drunken mistake. And that’s why I live alone.
Tranny Clown Robs Liquor Store
Officers in Boulder, CO received a call Saturday night from the Boulder Beer Emporium that the liquor store was robbed. Police are now looking for the suspect described as a cross-dressing man wearing clown makeup. (I somehow doubt he’s still donned in his burglary best at the local supermarket.)
Witnesses described the suspect as wearing red and white face makeup (Ronald McDonald?), a red and purple wig, a fake nose and a denim dress (NOT Ronald McDonald). Employees told the police they didn’t think anything was peculiar when he walked into the store (ummm… ok) because of local Pridefest events taking place that weekend. (Now, if they knew anything about gay men, they would have known that no self respecting queen would be seen wearing the outfit witnesses outlined. That’s why God invented the Fashion Police!)
The cashier reported that the man entered the store and approached an employee, asking for help in a feminine voice and saying that ‘shis’ husband was out of work. After being access denied by the employee, the man walked to the checkout stand, revealed a pistol, demanded the cash and bolted just as two other customers were walking into the store. I was disappointed there was no footage of this, but then learned that a surveillance picture is expected to be released presently.
$@bs
Every rose has it’s thorn, which might be especially painful for one nudist couple from Boulder, CO. They allege that their landlord is discriminating against them by trying to get them to cover up while gardening. The landlord claims the couple is creating a nuisance by gardening wearing only thong underwear, plus pasties for the female. Neighbors complained to police about the couples’ unusual gardening attire, but police say the couple isn’t in violation of any law as long as their genitals are covered.
The landlord, Boulder Housing Partners, sent the couple a letter saying they could face eviction if they don’t cover up. The couple insists that the eviction threat amounts to discrimination. A representative of the Boulder Housing Partners told local news that defining the word nuisance is difficult and that the matter is a community issue. Neighbors report sighting the couple in plain view with their children and that their conduct is not appropriate given the fact that the couples’ home is on a corner, just a few short blocks from a school.
Ultimately, if the couple does not cease the near-naked horticulture, building management can choose to evict them. If evicted, the couple plans to fight the eviction and the municipal court will be left to decide whether their behavior constitutes a nuisance. This would never be a problem in NYC. For one thing, people would be lined up around the corner to sneak a peek! And for another thing, well, there aren’t any gardens here…
$@bs
