What’s worse than finding out that you have a testicular tumor? Seeing the tumor’s scary face. Canadian doctors were shocked to discover a man’s startled image staring back at them as they scanned the testicles of a 45-year-old paraplegic man.
“It was very ghoulish, like a man screaming in pain,” one of the doctors described. “His mouth was open and it looked like one eye was gouged out.” Residents and staff alike were fascinated by the outline of a man’s face with his mouth agape on the ultrasound pictures.
Though the tumor was found to be benign, the man had the testicle surgically removed just in case the face in his balls had any plans of its own.
Police Raid Bestiality Farm
What do you do with your life after making a fortune in the 90s? Run a cocaine and marijuana business, of course. But what if that fails? Well then, you’ll naturally want to create a private bestiality farm for the sexual gratification of wealthy international guests.
The owner of the recently discovered sex farm initially made his money buying and selling small companies in the 1990s. In 2002 he filed for bankruptcy when creditors sought millions from him, whereupon he started running cocaine and marijuana across the border for a local drug kingpin. He was finally arrested in 2005 after being pulled him over with almost 375 pounds of cocaine in his vehicle, valued at $34 million.
Upon his release (but still under probation), the man hid out in a compound near the Canadian border. This is where he started the bestiality haven, which included mice with cut off tails, smothered in Vaseline with a string tied around them. Video footage obtained from a police raid also depicted guests having sex with several large-breed dogs. Dozens of horses and dogs were seized from the compound, many of which were in such a condition that they had to be euthanized. If convicted, the owner faces up to five years in prison.
A Canadian man had just boarded a flight when he began to feel discomfort in his groin. Inspecting himself in the bathroom, he noticed that his genitals were bleeding. (Un)Naturally he sent for a male flight attendant to examine his bloody penis. Shockingly, the flight attendant refused and instead, simply handed the passenger some tissues. Upon landing, the passenger was admitted to a local hospital where doctors diagnosed him with a ruptured vein.
The passenger now claims that the flight attendant ruined his vacation and is now suing the airline for $8,000. (It also may have had something to do with the fact that his dick was bleeding.) Even if the flight attendant acquiesced to looking at the hemorrhaging cock, what exactly did he expect someone who’s NOT a medical professional to do? Suck out the poison? The Canadian judge felt similarly and rejected the case.
Nothing builds excitement like porn (well, except maybe Pontiac). A man from Mississauga, Canada, was caught Saturday when another driver contacted authorities about a speeding car whose driver was watching porn. (Giving the term ‘Go Speed Racer’ new meaning).
Police confirmed that when pulled over, the man was clocking almost 90 mph (I converted km to m, you’re welcome, America) and had an X-rated movie playing on a portable DVD player in the passenger seat.
After investigating his defense that he confused his member with his stick shift (I might have made that part up), the man was ultimately charged with speeding and operating a motor vehicle with a television visible to the driver (that part is true).
Witnesses are still trying to determine exactly which porn was being viewed that resulted in such excessive speed. Any guesses, dear readers?
While prostitution is not illegal in America Jr., operating a brothel is. As a result, Canadian sex workers organized to overturn laws that prohibit bawdy houses just in time for the 2010 Olympics. The games are scheduled to take place in Vancouver next year and by that time Canadian hookers hoped to create a situation for themselves similar to that of the many massage parlours that now operate as fronts for paid sex. Supporters of the new legislation argued that under the former law, Canadian prostitutes couldn’t work indoors and were putting themselves in more danger by working on the streets. It looks as though they made their case, and judges have approved a legal co-op brothel in time for the games.
Legislation aside, prostitutes in Canada are already in training for the Olympics, but wait, not like that (insert disappointing ‘aww’ here). A local organization dedicated to providing support to Vancouver’s sex workers plans to prep them on how to handle requests for photographs and interviews during the 2010 games. A spokeswoman for the Prostitution Alternatives Counselling and Education Society (PACE) told the Canadian Press. “Media attention to the area can be a little less than compassionate and we don’t want them to feel like animals in a zoo.” That is, unless they are good, paying customers.
$@bs
Couple Caught Having Sex in Dumpster
Talk about trash! A police officer in Saanich, Canada following up on a call of “suspicious persons”, arrived at a parking lot where he heard noises coming from a large garbage dumpster. The officer called out, but no one responded. When he looked inside, he was shocked to see two naked adults engaged in intercourse and oblivious to his presence.
The 30-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man, were ordered to put their clothes on and get out of the dumpster. The man was arrested on an unrelated matter and the woman was told to go home (and to come back later – winkedy wink wink). Who knew the Canucks had it in ‘em?
$@bs
