Man Caught Spankin’ It at Target
People, if you insist on jerking off in your car, please park in your own driveway. A man is now facing misdemeanor exposure charges after he was caught masturbating in a Target parking lot. The 63-year-old parked his silver Chevy close to the building and covered his junk with nothing but old newspaper when witnesses saw him jerking off.
He wasn’t wearing pants when police approached his vehicle and told the cops that he didn’t have any pants on because he was hot and that he’d just been relaxing in his car. (Yes, I think most would agree that masturbating is very relaxing.) A police search of the vehicle yielded several porn photos, a bag containing women’s under garments, a handful of long brown hair (ew) and a clear vessel that contained fluids (ewier).
Upon his arrest, police discovered that he had been charged with indecent conduct in ’69 (Coincidence? I think not) and with peeping in ’73. During his arrest, the man told police that his wife of 35 years was ill and he was unable to have with her. (Naturally, the next best thing was gratifying himself in a Target parking lot.)
Boy Bullied Into Poop Penis Tattoo
In my day, nerds were just shoved into lockers, dumpsters, and the like. Well the times, they are a changin‘. Four teens are now facing charges after forcing a disabled boy down and tattooing his ass with the word ‘poop dick’, adding an illustration of a penis beneath it. The 14-year-old victim was often ridiculed at school because he once wore a Spider Man baseball cap. Since then he was often the target of mockery, which led up to the recent unpleasant incident.
Once cornered at a private home nearby, the bullies threatened to bash him if he tried to escape and insisted that “he was going to get tattooed whether he liked it or not“. They also promised that he’d no longer be teased at school if he agreed to get tattooed. Police later raided the home at which the inking was done and found the tattooing equipment. The teens have been charged with assault, endangering the welfare of a minor and tattooing without a license.
