Eel Swims Up Man’s Penis
Looking for the fountain of youth? Don’t. A Chinese man who decided to bathe with live eels in an attempt to look younger, didn’t think about the risks involved. None of the eels made him feel any younger; especially the one that slipped up his penis.
The 56-year-old man bought ten live eels from a local market after being told he would look years younger if he bathed with them. According to the ancient beauty tradition, the eels nibble off layers of dead skin; similar to the popular use of carp in pedicures.
When the man attempted the beauty treatment at home, a 15 cm. long eel squirmed up his urethra and straight into his bladder. He commented, “I tried to grab the eel to pull it out again but it was too slippery and disappeared.” After a three-hour operation, the eel was finally removed. Sadly, the eel was killed during the procedure. The penis has since sworn revenge against his lover’s attackers.
Man’s Penis Bitten by Snake While On Toilet
Ever get the fear that something is lurking in your plumbing whilst you reign from your throne? Your fear may become a reality… A man in China was bitten on his penis by a snake when he was sitting on the toilet.
In a story published by the China Times, the 51-year-old man from Taiwan sat down to do his business when he suddenly felt a knife-like pain and immediately stood up. When he looked down, he spotted a big snake (and it wasn’t his dick).
Medical staff at a local hospital said the man received only minor injuries and would be released as soon as he has passed the risk of infection.
The facility’s medical director stated, “A snake’s mouth isn’t always clean.” (Theirs aren’t the only ones!) Local television reports showed a black and yellow reptile, a species of rat snake, being uncoiled and removed from the toilet. (What the hell did that crazy Chinaman eat?) Turns out the rat snake was inspired by the @BronxZoosCobra, his elusive cousin.
Eel Crawls Up Fishmonger’s Ass
Ever get that ‘not-so-fresh’ feeling? It may be that a live eel is scrambling through your bung hole… A Chinese fishmonger suffered severe internal injuries after an eel crawled up his ass when he slipped and fell off the edge of a container housing hundreds of fish.
The 43-year-old stated, ”I guess they were scared when I suddenly landed in the tank so they started wriggling everywhere. Several shot up my trouser leg. And then to my horror I felt one go up my bottom.”
The man attempted to continue with his work, but was in too much pain to do so. Emergency medical professionals were contacted when he later collapsed. Doctors were able to remove the eel in a surgical procedure which lasted five hours. A spokesperson for the hospital noted that, “the eel was as wide as two fingers and as long as a man’s arm.” So, uh, hintedy, hint-hint.
Man has 1 of 2 penises removed… (tear!)
When are two penises NOT better than one? The possibilities are endless! But when a 23 year old man from Guangzhou was born with two penises, he elected to have one of them surgically removed after his girlfriend threatened to leave if he didn’t.
The man noted that when they first started dating she was intrigued, but eventually found it ‘a bit creepy,’ (YA THINK? That reaches Chernobyl levels). Who would think having two dicks would be so hard? (Pun intended, WOMP WOMP WOMP <muted trumpet sound>)
