Naked Housekeeping Now Available
Anyone that’s ever had a cleaning lady knows what a pleasure it is not to have to clean up after yourself. And who hasn’t thought of boning the maid? Well, now you’ll really be thinking about it. A woman from Omaha just set up a naked cleaning business.
Maids from this company will clean house, cook and… babysit minimally clothed or naked. (Seriously, why would you want some random naked woman to watch your child?) Providing three levels of service, clients can choose from topless, bottomless and totally naked house cleaning; each for different rates. Nude cleanings will cost you $125 dollars and in case you are thinking of boning the maid, nude cleanings with “satisfaction” will cost you $175.
If this sounds like prostitution to you, you’re on the right track… or street corner. According to Omaha city authorities, house cleaning in the buff while others watch constitutes a nude “performance”; illegal in Nebraska. Regardless, the business owner/madame states, “There’s no limit on cleaning and fun. I don’t want to be close-minded”. (Or in this case, close-legged.) Let’s just pray that they’re not hiring any fat, bald, old man…
I envy people who have cleaning ladies. Personally, I don’t like the idea of some strange woman rifling through my things, not that I have anything (much) to hide. But, you always hear about an evil genius getting caught because of someone he overlooked, like the cleaning lady, or the cook, or Ms. Scarlet in the dining room with the rope.
If you’ve never had the misfortune of having to clean up someone else’s mess, avoid it at all cost. When I was still in college, I offered to clean the home of this guy that I worked with; we were friendly at the time and chatted often. He was paying me, obviously. To his defense he tried to warn me, but when I saw the state of his apartment, I knew he was going to have to pay me more than we initially agreed upon. There were rivulets of cigarette butts overflowing in so many ashtrays and garbage cans that I felt like I was developing emphysema just by standing there. Meanwhile, his desk was in the middle of the living room facing the front door; a jungle of cables crawled in every direction. Not only did I clean the shit out of that place, I also rearranged the furniture. 
Of course, after the whole ordeal, I was never really able to look the poor guy/disgusting pig of a human being in the eye again. I was beyond horrified by his habit of rooting in his own filth and couldn’t possibly remain friendly. I should probably also mention that while cleaning, I discovered several questionable polaroids of a very naked and obese black woman
