Crack Found in Man’s Penis
Does this crack taste funny to you? If so, it might have been transported via penis. A man from Louisville, KY was arrested after police discovered crack in the foreskin of his penis. (Just one more reason not to get circumcised). Police say that they asked the suspect whether he had any drugs, weapons, or contraband on him, which he denied.
However, during a clothed pat-down, officers said they found a small bag of cocaine tied to the waistband of Banks’ boxers. Following that discovery, a strip search was conducted and officers found another small bag of crack cocaine concealed in the foreskin of the suspect’s penis.
The suspect was originally arrested after a traffic stop led to the discovery of a bag of salvia and liquid codeine. He was arrested on charges of second-degree possession of a controlled substance and possession of synthetic cannabinoid agonists or piperazines. Sources say that in addition to the drugs, police also found a glazed ham, a collection of commemorative plates, and a small Mexican family in the foreskin of the penis, all of which are all currently being detained for questioning.
Caution all drug users: Controlled substances may result in delusions of grandeur; particularly with regard to your penis size. One Floridian man can vouch for this after being arrested for exposing his self-promoted “biggest penis in the world” to a mixed crowd of adults and children… several times.
According to police, the man approached a group of kids and asked, “Have you ever seen the biggest penis in the world?” Then “he took it out“ and the kids bolted. He did this a few times before returning to his apartment. Cops found him in his abode surrounded by dog shit and cocaine (perfect together). He’s been charged with two counts of exposure of sexual organs (his twig and berries), and possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia. He is being held on $32,000 bail.
Police Raid Bestiality Farm
What do you do with your life after making a fortune in the 90s? Run a cocaine and marijuana business, of course. But what if that fails? Well then, you’ll naturally want to create a private bestiality farm for the sexual gratification of wealthy international guests.
The owner of the recently discovered sex farm initially made his money buying and selling small companies in the 1990s. In 2002 he filed for bankruptcy when creditors sought millions from him, whereupon he started running cocaine and marijuana across the border for a local drug kingpin. He was finally arrested in 2005 after being pulled him over with almost 375 pounds of cocaine in his vehicle, valued at $34 million.
Upon his release (but still under probation), the man hid out in a compound near the Canadian border. This is where he started the bestiality haven, which included mice with cut off tails, smothered in Vaseline with a string tied around them. Video footage obtained from a police raid also depicted guests having sex with several large-breed dogs. Dozens of horses and dogs were seized from the compound, many of which were in such a condition that they had to be euthanized. If convicted, the owner faces up to five years in prison.
And I don’t mean her vagina…wait, yes I do. A 28-year-old woman already on probation was indicted on felony charges for possession of cocaine. She was arrested at the Juneau International Airport when authorities acting on a tip stopped her from attempting to violate her probation.
Cops found the stashed cocaine in her vagina and police say the 75 grams of cocaine found has a street value of about $10,000. She now faces a possible sentence of up to 10 years in prison. In addition, the state is considering revoking her probation, which could result in an additional 16 months in jail from a suspended sentence on a previous drug conviction.
Former cocaine addict turned judge, created (another) controversy when he told a rape victim in his courtroom that he didn’t believe she was raped because she was “on top” during the act.
In response to his statement, the judge retrospectively commented that “In light of the nature of the offense, the better means would have been to call counsel for both sides into chambers, express my concerns, explain my concerns based on the evidence I had in front of me — and by that I mean the physical evidence — and then let them flesh it out.“ YA THINK???
Whether the judge’s concerns about the victim being on top were considered by the jury remains to be seen when the transcripts of the Houston case are released.
Cops: Nude, drunk was hard to bring down
It took 10 police officers to restrain a drunk, naked Lebanese man at a campground over the weekend in Noblesville, IN. (PS this has the makings of some seriously fantastic sketch comedy.) The local sheriff’s department stated that officers were called to the campground just after 3 am Sunday morning on reports of a “drunk, belligerent, naked man starting several fights there“. (That narrows it down… to all of the male guests on Jerry Springer.)
Arriving at the scene, police were exiting their vehicles when the unclothed, agitated and evidently injured man charged at them. (They must have been wearing red instead of blue.) The man continued to resist arrest even as a police dog bit him repeatedly and he was hit several times with a stun gun. At length he was successfully sedated and handcuffed. (Tough little f*cker!)
Police believe the man was reacting to a combination of alcohol, cocaine, PCP and magic mushrooms. (Oh, crazy little f*cker…) He was taken to a nearby hospital and later charged with disorderly conduct, resisting law enforcement, criminal mischief and striking or interfering with law enforcement.
The only question that remains: Is the guy fat? Cuz I’m going to need a little more direction casting the skit…
