Man Nearly Castrates Himself
Like playing Toad in the Hole? Who doesn’t? Well, maybe the guy that almost forfeited his cock in the process… A Colombian man came close to castrating himself (closer to not cumming at all) with an improvised penis ring before running into the streets butt-ass naked. Cops spotted the man wandering around naked with a ring around his dick that’s normally used to play the pub game “toad in the hole“. The ring was shoved over his penis so that it was cutting off the blood supply to his prick. When questioned, the man admitted that he had had shoved the toy ring over his dick to increase the pleasure of masturbating, but was then unable to remove it. Doctors were able to remove the ring, as blood had begun clotting in the penis.
Had he not received immediate medical attention, this could have caused gangrene, forcing doctors to amputate the penis. Unfortunately, the doctors were not able to prevent damage to the dick, and the man is now facing an erection deficiency as his penis “will no longer have elasticity.” Following the procedure, the man was sent to the local mental hospital and given anti-inflammatory medication so the swollen penis could return to normal size. Psychiatrists stated that the man was suffering from an extreme form of exhibitionism and sex-addiction. (More like sex-adDICKtion – Ohhhh! BOO-YA!)
Penis-Enhancing Undies
Even if you haven’t stuffed with a sock, you pretty much get the gist. But that technique has mixed results, and, let’s face it, doesn’t do a thing for that flat ass. Marks and Spencer to the rescue!
This UK clothing company recently started manufacturing “frontal enhancement” (industry term: cock enlarging) underwear; guaranteed to make your dick look 38% bigger. M&S also offers butt-lifting undies made of “cool, odor resistant fabric” (industry term: skid-mark proof).
The line’s men’s underwear division rep stated, “Our technologists have worked hard to engineer two styles that are comfortable to wear and that give real results. These pants provide a real confidence boost for men and we think they will prove popular with our customers.”
Besides life imitating movies (does the name ‘White Goodman‘ mean anything to them), the fashion line hasn’t commented on the inevitable scores of ladies that will complain about the false advertisements they’re hawking. (I’ve already drafted a scathing letter to their customer service department…)
Giant Penis Protest Hits St. Petersburg
Why stage a sit-in when you can paint a giant penis in protest? A gigantic cock was recently painted on the Liteiny Bridge in St. Petersburg by the radical art collective known as Voina (which means ‘war’). The huge phallus was created in protest of security measures planned for the International Economic Forum, an event designed to identify and deliberate key challenges that face emerging markets and the world.
The Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation (FSB) is Russia’s main domestic security agency; successor to the KGB. Now, when the bridge is raised, the erect penis stands in all it’s glory right next to FSB headquarters. Measuring 220 ft long and almost 90 feet wide (insert jealousy here), the big dick rises and shines whenever the bridge is raised to allow ships to pass underneath it. Only one of the artists has been fined for the penis so far, which was still visible as of yesterday.
Boy Bullied Into Poop Penis Tattoo
In my day, nerds were just shoved into lockers, dumpsters, and the like. Well the times, they are a changin‘. Four teens are now facing charges after forcing a disabled boy down and tattooing his ass with the word ‘poop dick’, adding an illustration of a penis beneath it. The 14-year-old victim was often ridiculed at school because he once wore a Spider Man baseball cap. Since then he was often the target of mockery, which led up to the recent unpleasant incident.
Once cornered at a private home nearby, the bullies threatened to bash him if he tried to escape and insisted that “he was going to get tattooed whether he liked it or not“. They also promised that he’d no longer be teased at school if he agreed to get tattooed. Police later raided the home at which the inking was done and found the tattooing equipment. The teens have been charged with assault, endangering the welfare of a minor and tattooing without a license.
Not sure how to tell the special woman in your life how you feel?
Well don’t try pissing through her mail slot.
Police arrested a man for property damage after he repeatedly left his “scent” through the mail slot of the apartment belonging to the woman he liked.
The man would visit the woman’s apartment in the middle of the night and urinate through the mail slot onto a towel hung just inside the slot to keep people from peering into the apartment (might have kept them from peering, but unfortunately not from peeing).
Apparently, he’s been doing it for quite some time since the woman reported that her doorbell would often ring in the middle of the night since August and he’d leave his “mark” inside the entrance to her apartment.
