Dog Bites Off Man’s Penis
Knock knock. Who’s there? Jamaican. Jamaican who? Jamaican me sterile. A Jamaican man lost his penis when a vicious dog bit it off. The 45-year-old broom-maker (yes there are people who actually do that for a living) was rushed to the hospital where he was treated and released after a friend’s mongrel dog attacked him.
In an interview with local press, the dog’s owner (who apparently speaks very broken English) commented, “When the dog grab on to his penis, he was trying to push off di dog but di dog dragged it and run off with it and drop di piece that him bite off. When wi wake up di next day, dem did a look for it but it seems like ants or something like dat must gone with it“.
Since the attack, the man was heard telling someone about his bandaged penis, “Look how it likkle and a eight stitches hold in deh.” (I think that means it’s really small now, like, Irishman small…)
Farmer Arrested For Raping Dog
Old MacDonald had a… taste for bestiality? A 33-year-old farmer from the Philippines was arrested for raping a dog… twice. The farmer, married (though hopefully not for long), was first caught having sex with the dog in November. According to the story, the dog’s owner initially did not mind the sexual assault of his pet, but asked the man not to repeat the offense, stating “animals also have their rights“. With a fancy for this particular dog apparently, a second assault on the canine was repeated some two weeks later, at which point the dog’s owner witnessed the act (voyeur) and reported it to police. The suspect is currently in jail facing charges of violation of The Animal Welfare Act.
In quite possibly the funniest lawsuit evs, a mother from Utah (U-tah, I-tah, we all tah for… Mormons?) photoshopped an image of a woman having sex with a dog and superimposed the face of a 13-year-old girl who attends middle school with her daughter onto the photo. Accused of creating fliers of the image (with derogatory comments directed toward the girl), and distributing them at the middle school where the girls attend, the woman is now facing 18 counts of sexual exploitation of a minor.
Authorities report that surveillance footage showed the woman entering the school’s 7th-grade girls’ bathroom on the second to last day of classes. A custodian found the fliers and immediately contacted local authorities. The woman admitted to making 30 fliers, however police were only able to recover 18 of them. In addition to leaving the fliers in the bathroom, she also left a bunch in several students’ lockers. The woman stated that the victim had ‘wronged’ her in some way. (Perhaps by fucking her dog?)
