In addition to snagging his dick, cops ordered the man to pay a fine of £80 ($122 USD) or face charges for causing ‘harassment, alarm and distress‘. He was told he can only have his penis back if he promises not to put it on display again. (Insert your own joke here.)

In response, the store owner started a Facebook campaign for the return of the penis, which he’s dubbed the ‘Free Willy’ campaign (and which I just joined, naturally). Rather than turning him off from phallic art, he’s ordered over a hundred more of the carvings. So suck it! (Literally.)

Whether on Twitter or Facebook, updates such as “Having my morning coffee“, “Off to lunch“, “Spaghettios for dinner tonight“, “Listening to (insert dumb song here)” just don’t seem to have much of a point. Why are you clogging up my stream with your nonsense? (That’s what she said?) If you don’t have anything interesting to say, why say anything at all?

A middle school teacher was fired after drawing a map of the United States which featured Florida as a fat, penis-shaped state (which it is). He then made a remark about the state being excited. Apparently that was enough to get him canned. The district fired him for the comment, insisting he created a sexually hostile environment. (Exactly what was he doing with the lewd drawing of the state?)

To no surprise the students rallied on Facebook, starting a page to support their teacher. They’ve also started a petition to dump the school’s principal, superintendent and cabinet. The teacher has stated that he’ll be appeal his firing (not to mention refraining from drawing state maps freehand).

She received warnings about a photo of herself backflipping out of the vagina of a giant female statue. Another incident involved an image of her breasts covered in flame-shaped pasties. But it wasn’t until the dancer got pregnant that Facebook finally canceled her account.

The termination occurred after the woman uploaded this photo of her pregnant body, wearing only a thong, gold pasties and glitter, as her profile picture.

She wasn’t even really naked, but that didn’t matter to the site’s administrators, who have yanked photos of other breast-feeding mothers from profile pages in the past.

The woman wants to know why Facebook hates the pregnant female form and states, “I think people are terrified of the vagina or something.” Word. (Bet if it was a man’s pregnant body it wouldn’t have been an issue; sexists.)

(Oh, and God’s not calling you to tell you your topless pics are posted on Facebook).

A young woman, now also known as the ‘Topless Nun’, is suing her ex-boyfriend for a topless picture taken on a Sicilian beach they visited three years ago, which he recently posted on Facebook.

The 31 year woman, meant to take her vows this fall, is extremely upset about the photo, which is eliciting such comments like:

”If all nuns were like her, I’d become a priest.”

In the extremely short time I’ve been on, it’s already started creating problems. Was chatting with someone I haven’t spoken to in every bit of, oh, say 10 years at least. Boy, was he ever still a cocky prick – DELETE. This reminded me instantly of why we stopped speaking to begin with.

I won’t even get into other issues, but I will give an example of why I’m very wary. When I was still on Myspace, I reprioritized my top friends and inadvertently deleted one. Next thing I knew she was all kinds of pissed at me for taking her off of my top friends; I didn’t even realize I had!

Now let’s say, just for the sake of argument (hypothetically speaking, of course), that your boyfriend didn’t have himself listed as ‘in a relationship’. What would that mean to you? And the drama continues…

If not for my obsession with social media at present, I would have deleted my account tout motherfucking suite. And another thing, Vonnegut…

$@bs

There was only one vote of ‘no’ and it was mine – drats, foiled again!

$@bs