It's My World, Ur Just a Squirrel » felony

Amish Perv Arrested for Buggy Sex Ploy

The $@bs — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 22:14:27 +0000

Perverts seem to cum in all shapes and forms don’t they? Even in Amish cuntry, no one is safe! An Amish man who sent hundreds of sexually explicit text messages to a 12-year-old girl (wait, the Amish have cell phones? WTF?) was caught in an undercover sting when he drove, wait for it, a horse and buggy to a restaurant where he had planned to meet the girl. When the girl’s parents found out about the text messages, they took the cell phone and continued to communicate with the sex predator, who sent about 600 sexts to the girl, as well as nude pics and explicit videos.

The parents then contacted the police, who took over the sting operation and arranged the ‘tryst’ at a local restaurant. When arrested outside the restaurant, the suspect was cooperative with police and “walked his horse and buggy around the building and tied it to a post outside”, admitting that the proposed sex act was to happen inside the buggy. (This would explain the ‘If this buggy’s a-rockin…‘ bumper sticker.) The 21-year-old man is now facing four felony counts for allegedly soliciting sex from the minor and was released on a $20,000 bond (and is prohibited from partaking in any Amish Funnel Cakes for the next year…)

High School Student Arrested for Masturbating in Art Class

The $@bs — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:07:19 +0000

A high school Art teacher approached a student’s desk to check on his art project when she noticed him staring off into space. She was attempting to get his attention, when the student pulled up his shirt and ‘took it out’.

He then began to moan “Ay mami” and started spanking it enthusiastically in front of the teacher as well as the 30 other students in class, ranging from 14 to 17 years old.

The teacher was unable to stop the student from his continued masturbation (now that’s dedication) and ran to get help from school police, who arrested the student felony charges of indecency with a child (his classmates).

He’s being held in the local county jail on $5,000 bail, not easy to cum by in high school. Well maybe his parents are professional online gamblers; 86 hours on the WPT Casino ought to catch the bail money.

Something tells me this kid won’t have a problem keeping busy until then. To his defense, I masturbated in Art History class once too, but that’s only because we were studying Michelangelo’s David. (How can he have such large hands and such a small cock? I call shenanigans.)

Men Display Porn on Walmart TVs

The $@bs — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 16:18:37 +0000

Two men from Oklahoma have been arrested for allegedly playing porn on display televisions at a Walmart in Forth Worth, TX.

The police report indicated that the two men, both 20 years of age, were arrested on a felony obscenity complaint. Police stated that the two put the porn DVD into a player connected to six televisions in the Walmart, which was removed only after a customer notified a store manager.

The sergeant handling the case thinks the two young men they were just pulling a prank. (As opposed to the popular theory that they were trying to start an orgy inside the local Walmart… Or that might just my theory. Clean up on aisle 8 - hello!)