Police say a Judge from the aptly named Intercourse hollowed out acorns, placed condoms inside, put the tops back on and randomly handed them out. Two female recipients of the condom-filled acorns complained to police, who cited the judge for disorderly conduct. The judge explained that it was just a joke, but is now facing fines and/or disciplinary action by the state’s Judicial Conduct Board.
The acorns had been cracked open, stuffed with rubbers and then resealed with putty. In quite possibly the best press quote ever, “Police are holding several nuts as evidence.” Questions: Who thinks to unscrew the top of an acorn? How long had the judge been collecting acorns for the project? How much was spent in condoms? The world may never know the answers since the judge’s attorney declined comment, but the whole thing is clearly nuts!
Who hasn’t looked at his automobile and thought, “You know what this car needs? A set of fake balls!” We all have. But if you live in the state of FL, your vehicular testicular enjoyment may be put to a screeching halt.
Lawmakers in The Sunshine State have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from trailer hitches on trucks and cars throughout the state, as pictured here.
Republican senators called the auto accessory ”offensive” and proposed the ban. (Shocker). Anyone rockin’ the faux balls, commonly known by brand names like “Truck Nutz“, would then receive a $60 fine.
Authorities are now debating whether or not the state should limit freedom of expression in car accessories. Critics of the ban include one particular Jacksonville Republican who had a pair his damn self until his wife objected. (Bitch.)
Police Seize Four-Foot Penis
Well, who can blame them? Shit, I’d be all over that too. A 46-year-old’s prized Indonesian penis carving was taken by police after a local citizen complained about it. The cocky carving, worth £200 (about $300 USD), was on display in the man’s store window in North Yorkshire.
In addition to snagging his dick, cops ordered the man to pay a fine of £80 ($122 USD) or face charges for causing ‘harassment, alarm and distress‘. He was told he can only have his penis back if he promises not to put it on display again. (Insert your own joke here.)
In response, the store owner started a Facebook campaign for the return of the penis, which he’s dubbed the ‘Free Willy’ campaign (and which I just joined, naturally). Rather than turning him off from phallic art, he’s ordered over a hundred more of the carvings. So suck it! (Literally.)
Flasher Claims He Was ‘Airing His Penis’
Two teenage girls were enjoying their neighborhood park when they spotted a man on a nearby park bench with his erect penis in his hand.
The man who flashed the teenage girls explained to police that he was merely ‘airing his penis’ due to a rash. (Why you would want to publicly expose your pox-ridden genitalia in broad daylight is beyond me.)
He also denied masturbating (just scratching at his rash profusely, I guess) and stated that he had been unaware of people passing him in the park.
The man was charged with willful and obscene exposure and fined $250. His penis was not taken in for evidence nor removed for questioning…
