Man Tries to Light His Testicles on Fire
Perhaps taking Jerry Lee Lewis a little too seriously, a guest room at a bed and breakfast in Streatham, UK is in ashes after a man tried to set his balls on fire.
A representative from the B&B stated that the room was completely destroyed and firemen were called at 11pm and . Luckily, the door to the room had been closed, so there was no further damage.
The man (AKA FireCrotch) is believed suffer from mental illness. (Ya think?) He was taken to a local hospital for an injury to his arm. The inn is still open, though no word why the mentally unstable man chose such a romantic setting to set his crotch aflame.
Woman Sets fire to Cheating Husband’s Penis
Ladies: If you find out your husband is cheating, don’t try gluing, stapling or setting his dick on fire, JUST LEAVE the bastard! One Indian woman in Australia had to learn this the hard way. The woman found emails detailing her husband’s affair and confronted him, stating, “I’m going to burn your penis. I’m going to tell your family what you have done.” She maintains that she intended to burn her husband’s penis so it would belong to her alone. (Seems like after burning a penis, no one would want to own it.)
His response to her threat: “No you won’t, you fat, dumb bitch.” Not to be outdone, the 46-year-old woman grabbed a handy can of gasoline, doused his crotch and set it, and their home, ablaze. (Not so dumb after all, eh?) Her husband, who designed ships for the Australian navy, suffered burns to more than 75 % of his body and died in the hospital only days later. The woman and her three children escaped the fire unharmed. Facing charges of murder, arson and endangering life, she defended her actions stating that her husband would not let her reduce her working hours in order to pay for the other woman. The trial continues…
Fireman Burns Down Apt During ‘Hot’ Sex
In an ironic twist of fate, a retired fireman accidentally set fire to his own residence in a fit of passion when throwing a cigarette as he made love to his spouse. The 63 year old man said that he and his 56-year-old wife were in mid dirty deed when flames forced them to run naked from their Miami apartment. The man shamefully reflected on the 37 years he spent as a fireman discussing the dangers of smoking in bed, as he desperately attempted to put out the blaze.
His wife noted that, ”After three or four pans of water it kept getting worse. I didn’t have any baking soda so I grabbed some mashed potatoes, and then I grabbed some bread crumbs and it was starting to get better but by then the smoke was so bad you couldn’t see.“ The man was able to pull his wife to safety before her lungs collapsed and they were given clothes once they managed to escape the fire.
On the bright side, the wife is taking bids for her new recipe for smoke-flavored mashed potatoes with toasted breadcrumbs. Currently the highest bidder is Burger King (home of the flame-broiled Whopper, the result of a similar incident…)
