Jury Acquits Costume ‘Flasher’
If you’re going to flash a group of kids, you better mean it, Buster. A Floridian man was accused of exposing himself in front of a school bus filled with high school students, but as it turns out, he never actually showed his junk. According to police, the 22-year-old didn’t expose himself as alleged, but rather employed the use of a Halloween costume featuring a large fake penis.
The costume had been given to him by a co-worker who said it was made by a 90-year-old woman. (Because 90-year-old women sewing together synthetic cocks is a completely normal, common thing.) The man stated that he had intended to get a laugh, but it was a joke no one found funny. (No one except me…)
The young man faced 30 years in prison if convicted of lewd and lascivious exposure in front of two 14-year-old boys, who thought they had seen a real penis. (I guess their own genitalia isn’t helping them to determine the difference between a real one and a fake one just yet.) The defendant also faced being listed as a sex offender for the rest of his life, but was acquitted since the two boys couldn’t prove that they had seen a real penis.
Boater Exposes Himself During Wedding
What could be more romantic than exchanging vows with your soul mate in the presence of loved ones? How about throwing some random stranger’s cock into the mix? One southern couple got a surprise wedding gift when a man exposed himself from a boat during their wedding ceremony.
The 26-year-old man was boating down Shem Creek during the wedding when he pulled down his swimming trunks down and showed his cock to the entire wedding party and guests as he sailed along the creek. The entire guest list along with other people on the boat screamed at the man not to expose himself, but it was too late.
The bride’s father stated that he had just walked his daughter down the aisle when they noticed the man dropping his pants. The flasher stated that the mere fact there was a wedding in progress gave him the motivation to expose himself. He’s been charged with indecent exposure with bail set at $10,000.
Flasher Claims He Was ‘Airing His Penis’
Two teenage girls were enjoying their neighborhood park when they spotted a man on a nearby park bench with his erect penis in his hand.
The man who flashed the teenage girls explained to police that he was merely ‘airing his penis’ due to a rash. (Why you would want to publicly expose your pox-ridden genitalia in broad daylight is beyond me.)
He also denied masturbating (just scratching at his rash profusely, I guess) and stated that he had been unaware of people passing him in the park.
The man was charged with willful and obscene exposure and fined $250. His penis was not taken in for evidence nor removed for questioning…
Music Teacher Reveals Skin Flute
A music teacher at a middle school was arrested today for indecent exposure in a medical office.
Police say that a doctor was treating the man’s relative, when the man initiated conversation with the receptionist and flashed her.
The man taught music for 11 years and remains in police custody.
Apparently this was his first time trying to teach anatomy (don’t quit, your day job).
