If you’re busted exposing your junk to a minor, the best thing to do is blame the nearest bottle of Tabasco. A 50-year old man from Florida was on a flight to visit family during the holidays when he poured hot sauce on his penis. (The story is unclear about whether or not this act was intentional.)
According to the man, the hot sauce made him massage and aggressively scratch his cock while he was conveniently seated next to a 17-year-old girl. A slightly different version of the story, the teen confirmed that the man was touching himself, but added that he had no pants on underneath his opened tray table.
When the flight landed, the man was detained by authorities for questioning and was unable to answer why he didn’t resolve his ‘itch’ (AKA hard-on) privately in the bathroom; nor could he explain how he obtained the Tabasco. The man was booked on charges of indecent exposure while the whereabouts of the hot sauce remain unknown (though probably around his taint).
A Canadian man had just boarded a flight when he began to feel discomfort in his groin. Inspecting himself in the bathroom, he noticed that his genitals were bleeding. (Un)Naturally he sent for a male flight attendant to examine his bloody penis. Shockingly, the flight attendant refused and instead, simply handed the passenger some tissues. Upon landing, the passenger was admitted to a local hospital where doctors diagnosed him with a ruptured vein.
The passenger now claims that the flight attendant ruined his vacation and is now suing the airline for $8,000. (It also may have had something to do with the fact that his dick was bleeding.) Even if the flight attendant acquiesced to looking at the hemorrhaging cock, what exactly did he expect someone who’s NOT a medical professional to do? Suck out the poison? The Canadian judge felt similarly and rejected the case.
Naked Passenger Arrested on Flight
A St. Louis-bound Southwest Airlines flight was forced to return to Oakland International Airport after a male passenger stripped, hit another passenger, and caused a raucous with crew members.
Police say that the flight returned to California after the 21-year-old man exposed himself to a female passenger seated next to him and then punched her in the face. (Chicks dig that.)
Flight attendants and other passengers then subdued the man as he removed his clothing. He was completely naked when sheriff’s deputies arrested him. (He must have been flying first ass! Ohhhh!)
Both he and the woman he assaulted were taken to the hospital for minor injuries. No word yet on whether the woman or the airline plan to press charges.
Bodies… And in Puerto Rico!
Now, if you’ve never flown to PR before, there are some serious differences on the flight that you may not expect. For one thing, it’s A LOT louder. People don’t try to hold private conversations, or discourage children from crying, yelling, running down the aisle, or the like. Instead, it’s a freakin’ free for all. Children yelling, people shouting as though in their own private livingrooms, baby laden women clogging the aisle, “dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!”
The best part is the landing; no doubt. I’ve never seen this done on a flight anywhere else: the minute the plane hits the runway, the entire cabin begins to cheer wildly. It’s like, were they expecting us to crash? It’s all very endearing…
I was excited to discover this morning that Bodies: The Exhibition, is now here in San Juan! In case you’re not familiar with this exhibit, it is a look into the human body and has been on display down by South Street Seaport in NYC for some time now. Some find it grotesque, as the exhibition features real human bodies and organs that have been dissected to the most minute detail, rubberized, then reassembled; allowing access to sights and knowledge normally reserved only for medical professionals. It makes me wonder if there will be any difference between the New York and Puerto Rico exhibits. Maybe the bodies in PR will be slighly darker: el color de canela!
Being so far away from the recent unpleasantness (more on this below) has proven greatly beneficial. At first I was afraid, I was petrified (kept thinking I could never live without you by my side, thanks Gloria Gaynor). But then I started really thinking about it. The fact is, to say that I was miserable at my former position is the understatement of the cench(ury). And since I have a reasonable amount of experience and motivation, I’m not going to sweat just yet. I’m going to go after something I actually want to do…take over the world, etc.
$@bs
