Dad Hacks off Penis of Daughter’s Boyfriend
Next time your girlfriend’s father warns you to stay away from his daughter, you’d better listen. A man in Germany was arrested after he hacked off his teen daughter’s boyfriend’s penis with a bread knife.
The man had approached police for help in keeping a 57-year-old man away from his 17-year-old daughter.
The police responded that they couldn’t do anything to keep the man away from teen, so the concerned father cut his dick off and kept his severed testicles as a memento. (That should help.)
Police rushed to the victim’s house and saved the man’s life. The father says plans to plead guilty when he goes on trial for attempted murder.
Scientist Jailed for S&M Murder
A court recently sentenced a sadomasochistic scientist to 10 years in prison for strangling a woman to death during what was allegedly a sex game gone wrong. The 39-year-old German man was convicted for the murder of a 20-year-old model who had agreed to pose for some S&M photos for him last summer. He was also convicted of desecrating the dead; engaging in intercourse with the woman’s corpse.
The necrophiliac, a dinosaur expert, admitted to strangling the victim, but denied killing her intentionally, alleging that the victim agreed to take part in violent sexual role-playing. In addition to imprisonment, man will also undergo psychological care since the court found he had murdered the woman to satisfy his (macabre) sexual urges. Guess he found her dead sexy (sorry you had to read that).
People who see fireworks when they kiss pale in comparison to those who see lighting when they f*ck. A couple from western Germany decided to take their make out session from the car to some bushes in the woods nearby when a storm ensued.
Ignoring the rolling thunder and teeming rain, the couple continued their amorous endeavors when suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the ground, making the earth move under the lovemaking couple. (PS. Earth shattering sex = WHITE HOT, well unless it results in death.)
Scared witless, they ran naked through the torrential downpour and lost their way in the woods. A motorist contacted authorities, reporting that he’d seen the nude duo wandering around in the dark. Officers called to the scene found the pair naked and shivering, helped them into dry clothes and took them home. Their clothes still remain at large.
My personal theory: I think the lightning was goin’ for a threesome (horny b*stard).
An artist’s gravestone design for one Germany’s most famous prostitutes (prostitutes can be famous? Oh right, Paris Hilton) has been rejected by cemetery authorities for being ‘too slutty’. The 77-year-old artist designed the gravestone as a parting gift to his now deceased friend, Domenica Niehoff. The design featured two ample pink marble boulders in homage to her… breasts.
However, authorities at the Garden of Women cemetery where Niehoff rests, (open only to Hamburg’s most famous women, she was the first prostitute buried there), turned down the design. Naturally the artist was pissed by the decision, insisting his dearly departed friend was not ashamed of herself and would have liked the design.
Niehoff, gained fame advocating rights for sex workers in the 70s and 80s. Originally from Cologne, she grew up in an orphanage and suffered through child prostitution. Later she developed substance abuse issues, though she repeatedly attempted to leave the sex trade. Unsuccessful, she married a brothel owner (not the best way to leave the sex trade), who committed suicide ten years later. Niehoff continued to work as a prostitute and began her own brothel before she began to push for the legalisation of prostitution in Germany in the 1980s. She then became a social worker to help women get off the streets. Domenica Niehoff died at 63.
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Naked Robber Attempts to Steal Wedding Dress
Last week, a naked man tried to rob a bridal shop near Würzburg, Germany. The man left empty handed and police believe that he didn’t find anything that fit and fled. (Guess he missed the plus size section of the store.)
The 35-year-old man broke into the shop by throwing a flower pot through the glass door of the bridal shop. Searching the racks, he apparently found nothing suitable to wear. (What does one wear on an occasion such at this?)
The Robber Bride/Groom left the scene of the crime, but was arrested not long after fleeing. Police were able to track him by following a trail of blood he left, having cut himself on the glass when he broke the doors. The police could not explain why the man was unclothed and the man didn’t offer an explanation. What ever will he wear now when he meets his true love in prison?
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Comforting to know we’ve been in the booby doll biz for over 35,000 years. Archaeologists recently discovered the oldest sculpture of a naked lady carved in ivory dating back 35,000 years ago. The piece, found in southwestern Germany, is thought to be the oldest known example of art representing any person, animal or object.
One anthropologist wisely pointed out that “if humans hadn’t been largely obsessed with sex they wouldn’t have survived for the first 2 million years. None of this is at all surprising.”
What was surprising, however, was the fact that the sculpture was also inflatable (fine, I made that part up). Scientists guess that it may have represented female fertility, or been related to shamanistic rituals and beliefs.
Before this type of art, pieces had been largely abstract. Scholars hypothesize that the switch from abstract to representative art may have to due with “a leap in the cognitive capacity of the human brain around this time” and that this may have been accompanied with the development of human language. The discovery could help scientists understand the origins of art and symbolic thinking.
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Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry! … and Maury
I’ve been parked in front of the TV all morning. First I watched Maury and now I’m watching Jerry Springer. There used to be a time when watching such shows made me feel extremely uneasy. I must have been a different person back then because now I simply revel in them.
Wondering how long the Jerry Springer show has been 
running, I was interested to find out that the program debuted on September 30th, 1991. Even more fascinating, Springer was born in the East Finchley tube station in London. His parents, Margo (a bank clerk) and Richard Springer (owner of a shoe shop), were Jewish refugees from Nazi Germany.
I am amazed how the people that end up on the show are constantly surprised to find out that they’re there to find out that a significant other has been cheating on them. If the premise of the show hasn’t changed much in the last 18 years (but for the addition of a stripper pole and the chanting of U.S.A.), then what could they possibly be thinking they are there for? Dancing with the Stars?
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