It's My World, Ur Just a Squirrel » gun

Half-Naked Woman Found in Van with Loaded Gun and Sex Toys

The $@bs — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 21:56:24 +0000

Can’t a woman masturbate half naked, in hotel parking lot, with a loaded gun in peace anymore? Jeez! Police found a woman half-naked in a van outside a Red Roof Inn in Naperville. She was in possession of a loaded gun and various sex toys and told police she was changing clothes. She later admitted that she left her kids in the motel and went out to pleasure herself (with a loaded gun, of course).

The 44-year-old woman from Texas was registered at the hotel with her three children when cops was spotted her in the van in the parking lot, noting that she was naked from the waist up. She told police that she had left the kids, none of whom was too young to be left alone, in the room. “That’s why she was out in the van doing what she was doing,” an officer stated. (Thanks Captain Obvious). There was no mention of what she might have been doing with the loaded gun while she pleasured herself… (Masturbashe-gun? Eh, there something there…)

Robber Accidentally Shoots Off His Member

The $@bs — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:30:33 +0000

An armed robber attacked 12 people in a private home and threatened to shoot them one by one, but instead shot his own penis off with his stolen gun. The injured robber had hidden the weapon in the waistband of his pants. When he removed it, a shot went off accidentally, hitting him in the groin.

The details of the incident were kind of unclear, but what seems to have happened is that the family’s 35-year-old son arrived at the house along with security guards in the middle of the burglary.

The son fired two shots at one of the robbers aiming a firearm at his father. That robber was hit in the head and died. The other two robbers then fled, but family members managed to capture one of them near the residence and load him into a vehicle.

It was then that the robber shot himself as the firearm went off accidentally. The robber’s injury was so severe that doctors were not able to re-attach his penis. (So it was a disappointing experience on many levels.)

Boy Accidentally Shoots Himself in Penis

The $@bs — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 18:32:29 +0000

“Is that a gun in your pocket or did you just blow the head off your dick?”

Police reported that a 15-year-old from Brooklyn shot himself in the penis on Sunday after fumbling with the gun that slid from his waistband.

The youth claimed that he was walking home when the gun began to fall into his pants. When he grabbed for it, he accidentally pulled the trigger and fired a bullet through his penis.

He then (somehow) staggered home, told his mother what had happened, and the pair headed to Kings County Hospital.

The teen was treated and released from the hospital before being arrested by police and charged with reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon. Also the teen doesn’t foresee being pardoned by his penis any time soon.

Failed Robber Eats Evidence: Banana ‘Gun’

The $@bs — Tue, 19 May 2009 16:32:40 +0000

“Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just trying to rob the store?” Authorities in Winston-Salem say a teen’s attempt to rob a store with a banana was thwarted before police could arrive. 17-year-old John Szwalla held the banana under his shirt as he entered the store, saying he had a gun and demanding money.

The store owner says he and a customer jumped the teen, detaining him until deputies arrived. While they waited, the teen ate the banana in order to confiscate the evidence. However, deputies had the foresight to take pictures of the banana peel. Witnesses have been able to identify the banana peel out of a line up of other fruit peels and the teen now faces a charge of attempted armed robbery. Jail officials say he doesn’t have an attorney, or a preferred produce vendor.