It's My World, Ur Just a Squirrel » Halloween

Sex Toys for Halloween

The $@bs — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:25:17 +0000

Somethin’ spooky this way cums!

Anyone not yet visually pleasured by a fleshlight will soon succumb (hard) to these ghoulish delights.

Just in time for Halloween, Fleshlight helps you get your sex toy on with a monster motif.

And just in case The Drac doesn’t exactly get your blood crawling, you have a variety to choose cum. Er, from.

Trick or Trick: Couple Hands Out Condoms on Halloween

The $@bs — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:08:57 +0000

When is it too early to teach kids about safe sex? If they’re dressed up as Teletubbies, chances are you can hold off on the Sex Ed. One couple in Oregon decided that instead of giving out candy this Halloween, they were going to give out condoms… and lectures on safe sex.

Apparently they’ve been handing out condoms to teenagers on Halloween since the early 1990s, the height of the national AIDS epidemic. (For ghosts and ghouls not yet of age, they still had chocolate and toothbrushes on hand.)

To no surprise, the act was met with plenty of resistance from neighborhood parents. The father of a 14-year-old girl, found 3 condoms in his daughter’s candy stash and stated, “It is hard for me as a parent to imagine any justification for giving children condoms without parents’ consent.”

The couple admitted that giving a 14-year-old a condom was a mistake, but say their usual practice is to ask kids’ age and distribute condoms only to those 16 or older. Unhappy teens will, no doubt, creatively express their dissatisfaction with such treats…

Jury Acquits Costume ‘Flasher’

The $@bs — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 21:09:47 +0000

If you’re going to flash a group of kids, you better mean it, Buster. A Floridian man was accused of exposing himself in front of a school bus filled with high school students, but as it turns out, he never actually showed his junk. According to police, the 22-year-old didn’t expose himself as alleged, but rather employed the use of a Halloween costume featuring a large fake penis.

The costume had been given to him by a co-worker who said it was made by a 90-year-old woman. (Because 90-year-old women sewing together synthetic cocks is a completely normal, common thing.) The man stated that he had intended to get a laugh, but it was a joke no one found funny. (No one except me…)

The young man faced 30 years in prison if convicted of lewd and lascivious exposure in front of two 14-year-old boys, who thought they had seen a real penis. (I guess their own genitalia isn’t helping them to determine the difference between a real one and a fake one just yet.) The defendant also faced being listed as a sex offender for the rest of his life, but was acquitted since the two boys couldn’t prove that they had seen a real penis.

Taxi Driver Beaten by Sex Couple

The $@bs — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:22:07 +0000

A cab driver took a beat down with a high heel shoe after he refused to leave the car so a couple could have sex in the back seat. The couple, a 25 year old male and 23 year old female, allegedly hailed the taxi early Halloween. (Maybe they were just dressed up as people trying to have sex.)

They directed the taxi driver toward a destination, and upon arrival they allegedly demanded he leave the car so they could have sex. Police reported that they then told the driver to get in the passenger seat before driving him to another town.

At this point, the driver took the opportunity to call for help. The couple then attacked the driver, punching him in the head and hitting him with a high heel shoe, refusing to pay the $72 fare.

The pair fled on foot but was later found nearby by police. Both have been charged with aggravated assault, illegal use of a taxi and failure to pay the fare. The taxi driver received a chipped tooth in the attack (plus, no peep show).