It’s not death that I’m afraid of, it’s an unnecessarily embarrassing death I’d have to live down into eternity that keeps me up at night. Like this unfortunate chap: A 44-year-old man from Newport, Shropshire, who died after he tied himself to a tree, wrapped a cord around his penis and became trapped. In a Houdini FAIL of epic proportions, the man cut his wrists in attempts to escape and died of blood loss and hypothermia.
Friends of the deceased noted that on the night before he died, the man had downed seven pints of beer and a vodka/coke. He returned home at 1:00 am to make a rope with two loops for his wrists. Then he went for walk, found a tree, removed his clothes and tied himself to the tree using his improvised handcuffs, facing the tree. He was found at 8:00 am the next morning wearing only socks and boots, with the cord still wrapped around his penis. He died just a few hours later. Still no word on what in God’s name he was doing with a cord wrapped around his dick, tied naked to a tree in the first place…
Naked Walker Survives Snow Fall
One man’s drunken, midnight ramble through the woods almost turned his birthday suit into his death-day suit early yesterday morning.
The intoxicated 21-year-old slipped and rolled naked down the Victoria alpine region.
Police and medical staff were contacted the man, from Oakleigh, AU, slid over 260 feet down a frozen embankment before smashing into trees.
The man was recovered by friends and treated at the scene of the incident, suffering multiple abrasions to most of his body and second-degree hypothermia (not to mention a severe case of shrinkage). A local official called to the scene (and Notorious B.I.G.) commented, “…Another reminder that snow and alcohol don’t mix” (“like two dicks and no bitch; find yourself in serious $hit.”) A-DUH.
