If you’re busted exposing your junk to a minor, the best thing to do is blame the nearest bottle of Tabasco. A 50-year old man from Florida was on a flight to visit family during the holidays when he poured hot sauce on his penis. (The story is unclear about whether or not this act was intentional.)
According to the man, the hot sauce made him massage and aggressively scratch his cock while he was conveniently seated next to a 17-year-old girl. A slightly different version of the story, the teen confirmed that the man was touching himself, but added that he had no pants on underneath his opened tray table.
When the flight landed, the man was detained by authorities for questioning and was unable to answer why he didn’t resolve his ‘itch’ (AKA hard-on) privately in the bathroom; nor could he explain how he obtained the Tabasco. The man was booked on charges of indecent exposure while the whereabouts of the hot sauce remain unknown (though probably around his taint).
Man Caught Naked in Church Graveyard
“I do believe in spooks“. And by spooks, I mean macabre cock and balls idly meandering through cemeteries. A man in Mississippi (emphasis on pee-pee) was recently caught naked in a church cemetery. Claiming he was trying to take photographs of spirits (obviously only possible in one’s birthday suit), the man explained that he removed his clothing because skin “is the best canvas to show spirits’ orbs of energy“; (balls).
The 47-year-old said he initially intended to remove only his shirt, but somehow ended up taking it all off, (somehow); – a move he now calls “stupid.” (Because no one, dead or alive, likes to look at old balls.) Authorities had set up a motion-activated camera in attempt to stop vandalism and caught the man on tape in the buff instead.
He now faces a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure. But on the plus side, A&E has approached him about shooting a pilot for a new series: Paranormal Naked State.)
Nude Burglar Had Mouse in his Rectum
If you’re going to rob a private home, make sure you have A.) A disguise, B.) A weapon, C.) Removed all clothing, D.) A mouse up your ass. Police in South Carolina say a naked burglary suspect appeared to be on drugs and was found to have a mouse lodged in his rectum. Cops reported that they responded to a home on a report of a burglary and discovered the 31-year-old suspect lying naked, face down in the doorway of the home.
In order to obtain the suspect’s cooperation and remove him from the home, authorities employed the use of a taser to no effect More police were then called to the scene to confront the suspect who had moved to the victim’s bedroom. He was finally wrestled to the ground and placed in handcuffs and leg shackles.
Authorities reported that the suspect appeared to be under the influence of magic mushrooms and was taken to a nearby hospital, where an X-ray discovered a mouse in his rectum. The suspect stated that he could not remember the events leading to his arrest. Nevertheless, he was charged with resisting arrest, assault and battery, and indecent exposure. The mouse was held for questioning. Big shout out to @Jessmypet for sending along the story!
Flasher Seeks Feedback
How many times has a random man shown you his penis in passing? If you said once, it’s probably more often than you’d like. But has the flasher ever sought your opinion on his junk afterward?
Police in Allentown, PA arrested a 41-year-old man for exposing himself to a woman in a grocery store parking lot.
If that weren’t enough, he then followed the woman and her child into the grocery store with follow-up questions. (But enough about my dick, what do you think about my dick?)
Inside the store, the man asked the woman about his size. She then asked him to leave her alone, but instead he followed her through three more aisles, repeating his question. The woman repeatedly told him to leave her alone, but he wouldn’t.
Before the woman could submit her final answer, the man was charged with stalking, indecent exposure, open lewdness and two counts each of harassment and disorderly conduct. He was sent to the local prison with bail set at $10K.
Obviously an Andrew McCarthy fan, a man from West Virginia is behind bars after committing “lewd acts” with a mannequin in a public park.
The local sheriff’s department found the 61-year-old sitting on a park bench (ala Aqualung) with an armless mannequin on his lap, holding it with one hand and jerking off with the other.
When the officer approached him, the man replied that he was “just trying to have a little fun“, pushed the mannequin off him and pulled his pants up (despite a nasty splinter).
The man has been charged with indecent exposure and is being held in prison on a $2,500 cash only bond.
A man from Boulder, Co is facing charges of indecent exposure after he was caught masturbating behind the (aptly named) meat counter of a local grocery. A female customer at the store reported that she was shopping in the meat department when the suspect asked her if she was finding everything. She told authorities that she noticed movement behind the meat display (no, not his own personal meat display, but the cold cuts) and saw the suspect ‘holding his penis‘. She continued that the suspect began jerking off while talking to her, but seeing the look of shock on her face, put his dick back in his pants.
The woman then stated that she walked away from the meat counter and looked back to see the suspect back in the act. After reporting the incident to the store’s manager, police were called and the suspect was arrested. When questioned by police, the suspect admitted to “having his penis out of his pants”. The case was set for trial on September 7 and the store was closed for unrelated reasons (though I’m sure this didn’t help).
Boater Exposes Himself During Wedding
What could be more romantic than exchanging vows with your soul mate in the presence of loved ones? How about throwing some random stranger’s cock into the mix? One southern couple got a surprise wedding gift when a man exposed himself from a boat during their wedding ceremony.
The 26-year-old man was boating down Shem Creek during the wedding when he pulled down his swimming trunks down and showed his cock to the entire wedding party and guests as he sailed along the creek. The entire guest list along with other people on the boat screamed at the man not to expose himself, but it was too late.
The bride’s father stated that he had just walked his daughter down the aisle when they noticed the man dropping his pants. The flasher stated that the mere fact there was a wedding in progress gave him the motivation to expose himself. He’s been charged with indecent exposure with bail set at $10,000.
Man Shakes Bare Ass at Women in Target
Police arrested a man after they received a complaint of indecent exposure from a shopper at a local Target. The woman alleged that a man followed her around the store, “exposing his buttocks” and shaking them like a polaroid picture. (Why the surveillance vid is not yet on Youtube is disappointing to say the least.) Another shopper had made a similar complaint at a second Target earlier in the day.
When an officer saw a man fitting the description given, they interviewed him at police headquarters and finally arrested him. The 33 year-old was booked into the Oklahoma County jail on the complaints, but has not been formally charged in the case.
Court records showed that he pleaded guilty in ’99 to two counts of indecent exposure from an incident in 1998. Pretty emBARE-ASSing. Ah? Ah? Ahhhhh…
Man Arrested for Being Naked in His Own Home
A man was making coffee in his kitchen Monday morning, not thinking anything of being naked since he was home alone. However, a woman and her 7-year-old son were walking through his front yard just at that moment and caught sight of the 29-year-old man having breakfast in the buff through his window. (Exactly what were they doing walking through his front yard?)
The woman called the police and the man was arrested for indecent exposure. The man argued that he didn’t know he could be seen, but authorities believe he wanted people to see him like that.
Outraged, the man stated that, “If I stood and seemed comfortable in my kitchen, it’s natural. It’s my kitchen,” He’s now facing a year in jail and a $2,000 fine, but plans to fight the charge. (Good thing I live on the fifth floor!)
Music Teacher Reveals Skin Flute
A music teacher at a middle school was arrested today for indecent exposure in a medical office.
Police say that a doctor was treating the man’s relative, when the man initiated conversation with the receptionist and flashed her.
The man taught music for 11 years and remains in police custody.
Apparently this was his first time trying to teach anatomy (don’t quit, your day job).
