Former Inmate Sues After Rat Bites His Penis
Most convicts probably worry about sexual encounters in prisons, but no one could have seen this one coming (pun intended). A 54-year-old man from Long Island claims he suffered sexual dysfunction after being bitten on the penis by a rat while he was an inmate at Nassau County Correctional Center. He’s now suing the county for damages.
The man was being held for menacing his wife at the correctional facility and was asleep on a mattress when he was bitten. Authorities brought him to a local medical center where he was treated for his injuries and received rabies shots. His lawyer now insists that “He has complete sexual dysfunction at this point.”
The man complained about the “deplorable” conditions at the jail before he was bitten, adding that other inmates had complained about the rats and had started a petition to improve conditions at the prison. The man stated that other inmates had also been bitten and that one found a piece of rodent in his food. There was apparently rat poop everywhere.
An attorney representing the county anticipates the pending case, stating that his evidence “… will vindicate the county’s position.” He contests whether the former inmate was being on a rat at all, noting that the victim’s stated that after he was bitten, he yanked the rat off of his penis and flung it against the wall, but no dead rat was found. “So now we have the case of the mysterious disappearing rat,” the defense lawyer stated. He continued, “It is highly [questionable] whether the guy has any damages. “In her deposition, his wife said it’s working fine for her and a medical examination says he functions appropriately.” (Only the penis knows the real truth…) Click here for the full story.
Naked Woman Steals Taxi Cab
If you live in Brooklyn, you already know how hard it can be to get a cab to take you where you want to go. No one knows this better one Louisiana woman. The woman asked the driver to take her all the way to Michigan, over a thousand miles away, which he refused to do. (Not that anyone blames him.)
In response to this, she attempted to convince him by taking off all of her clothes. (Which seems like it should have worked.) Still, no dice. Despite the driver’s repeated requests that she dress, the woman ignored him.
Unsure of how to handle the situation, the cabbie drove to the nearest police station and went inside to seek help. At this point the woman took off in the cab (presumably to MI). Cops caught up with her about a block away and forcibly removed the drunk woman from it. The woman was jailed for a few days but released on a $75 signature bond.
Hey jailbirds, if you’re thinking of smuggling drugs into your cell, don’t try adhering them to your dick. One inmate’s attempt to do so involved using a rubber band to attach said drugs to his penis. The suspect was in the process of being changing into his jail uniform for violating his supervised release on a DUI, when a deputy on duty said he heard a rubber band snap as the suspect pulled up his pants. A white object with a rubber band attached to it fell out of that pants containing prescription drugs.
Authorities stated that it was clear that the suspect had the package wrapped around his package with a rubber band that snapped off while he changed. Now homeboy can add to his record drug trafficking and intro of contraband into a facility (sounds like one cool college course – just add a 101).
