Man Seeks Surgery for 100-Pound Scrotum
What man doesn’t wish he had bigger balls? Perhaps one man from Las Vegas suffering from a condition resulting in the enlargement of his scrotum, now weighing in at 100 lbs. The man has difficulty with such simple tasks as getting dressed. He made a makeshift pedestal made from a pillow and milk crate to ease the pain his condition causes.
The 47-year-old traces his condition back to an incident in 2008. He rolled over in bed and struck his testicles with his leg, causing excruciating pain. The next morning his scrotum had swollen to the “size of a soccer ball.” Doctors who examined the scrotum found no trace of an infection which would have caused elephantiasis; so far all treatments have failed to shrink the scrotum.
The man has since been diagnosed with scrotal lymphedema, “a debilitating, massive swelling of the scrotum that results from lymph fluid and tissue buildup.” Doctors suggest that corrective surgery might leave the man without a penis or testicles. Doctors at the UCLA Medical Center say they could save his penis. That is, if the poor man can cough up a whopping $1M from his own pocket; his insurance won’t cover the out-of-state procedure.
In a desperate attempt to solicit funds, the man used a fake name and went on shock jock Howard Stern‘s radio show. He stated, “I don’t like being a freak, who would?” But I figured that the Stern show is listened to by millions of people and they might want to help me.” He hasn’t announced how much has been raised from email donations, but acknowledges it’s a start.
Flying Pasties Protect Passengers’ Privacy
Concerned about scanners at the airport seeing too much? Scanners planned for 11 airports in the US over the next two years beam electromagnetic waves on passengers and produce naked images when scanning for explosives. One man from Las Vegas claims that he’s found a solution to the new full body scanners being introduced: flying pasties. You stick these bad boys over your unmentionables to hide your privates when going through the X-ray machines.
Drawbacks? Well some believe that the 2mm-thick, rubber stick-on pads may attract even more unwanted attention since airport security noted that ”anything that inhibits advanced imaging will require additional screening“. However, the inventor says that his customers can simply remove the pads when asked by airport officials. Furthermore, he pointed out that the pads can be attached underneath shirts and pants for easy removal. The pasties go for $16.99 each and feature such catch phrases as, “Only my husband sees me naked“.
It’s more like morning, around 6 am, and I am in one of the most horrible after hours spots I’ve ever witnessed. The crowd is one Cotton Eyed Joe away from Seaside Heights, NJ status and the hair gel is flowing. Only one thing could make this the highlight / downfall of my one and only Las Vegas clubbing experience.
And then I see him: the epitome of all that is cheesy and glamorous. His painted fohawk gleams like a beacon of light and I recognize him instantly as the one they call “Tool Box” on VH1′s Daisy of Love.
A male exotic dancer AKA as Rico Valentino in Vegas, reaching douchebaggery of epic proportions, he claims to have once made a porn on a plane. His alias “Tool Box” is only too fitting considering that in his last moment of fame he was dry humping the other contestants and yelling “BROMAAANCE”. Moments later he was eliminated. Needless to say I spent of the evening (or morning, rather), yelling bromance to my drunken cohorts. Many thanks to my home skillet, Georgie Boy, who found the footage!
Nevada Court Permits “HOE”s
A man from Las Vegas won a legal battle yesterday with the Nevada DMV over his license plate which reads “HOE”. Initially, the state DMV refused to renew his plate citing that he was making a slang reference to hookers (though if you click on ‘hookers’; the link to Urban Dictionary, the actual definition is ‘a skank’, so I’m not sure how that argument holds water).
The man with the plate in question stated that he originally wanted “TAHOE” but it was taken so he opted for “HOE”. The DMV based their case on the definition found on Urban Dictionary (Me luvs! But, um, that would be like basing a claim on Wikipedia, or the Snapple Fun Facts, both known for untruths.) The court ultimately ruled that sites which include user generated contributions, like Urban Dictionary “don’t reflect generally accepted definitions” and that the site “allows, if not encourages, users to invent new words or attribute new, not generally accepted meanings to existing words“.
BTW, for Merriam-Webster’s definition of hoe click here. Personally, I like the audio pronunciations of words like these. Also poop.
