Catch the Flow: The Menstrual Cup
As a female, we have but two choices: and I don’t mean death or oongaboonga. You can shove a stick of cotton up there, hope there’s no overflow, and pull a warm gooey wad of blood out of yourself hours later, better known as a tampon.
Or you can place a would-be padded post it on your panties and glimpse the contents of your uterus leaking out every time you pee: the pad. Isn’t there a better solution? Not as of yet, but we just found out about a worse one: The Menstrual Cup.
The Menstrual Cup is a small silicone or latex container that holds about an ounce of period blood. You insert it into your vagina like a tampon and twice a day, you take it out and pour the blood into the toilet. Then rinse, vomit, and repeat. Apparently some sick bitches love this technique, and I have to admit, they make a good case for why we should make the switch from tampons and pads.
1. Money/Cash. The cup costs between $20-$40. Ladies spend that much in tampons and pads in a matter of months, but the cup can last for years.
2. Vaginally Green: Pads, tampons and plastic applicators satiate a landfill’s belly. Even Kermit knows it’s not easy being green, but this is a pretty simple way to give back to Muth Natche.
3. Hide the Crimson Tide: No need to worry about leakage or that ever-so-annoying little white string hanging seductively from your crotch. Added bonus: no risk of toxic shock syndrome.
Want to know more? Check out this (somewhat disturbing) vid:
Flavorful sex seems like a win-win scenario, but unfortunately, this combo doesn’t translate very well laytexically speaking. First of all, I don’t know that my vagina has a preference of flavor during intercourse (well, except maybe chocolate, obviously). The concept of flavored condoms seems to make sense in that encouraging safe sex is always a good idea.
Sadly, in case you haven’t heard (in which case, you probably already have kids), flavored condoms are not designed for sex and often fail when used as the only form of protection. Because the packaging on flavored condoms contains no warning signs to inform users of this fact, people often assume that flavored condoms are an effective method of birth control. But besides being completely ineffective, flavored condoms pose other risks.
Flavored condoms are coated with glycerin, sodium saccharine or aspartame. Why not just dip your dick into a diet soft drink before fucking? It’s just as useful as a flavored condom. Never mind that artificial sweeteners have been linked to cancer. Plus the sugar-like substances act as drying agents and counteracts any lubrication – and nobody wants that. So it seems that these condoms are meant for your mouth, which, unless you’re a hooker, seems unnecessary during oral sex. (Same goes for you, Flavored Dental Dam).
