Jury Acquits Costume ‘Flasher’
If you’re going to flash a group of kids, you better mean it, Buster. A Floridian man was accused of exposing himself in front of a school bus filled with high school students, but as it turns out, he never actually showed his junk. According to police, the 22-year-old didn’t expose himself as alleged, but rather employed the use of a Halloween costume featuring a large fake penis.
The costume had been given to him by a co-worker who said it was made by a 90-year-old woman. (Because 90-year-old women sewing together synthetic cocks is a completely normal, common thing.) The man stated that he had intended to get a laugh, but it was a joke no one found funny. (No one except me…)
The young man faced 30 years in prison if convicted of lewd and lascivious exposure in front of two 14-year-old boys, who thought they had seen a real penis. (I guess their own genitalia isn’t helping them to determine the difference between a real one and a fake one just yet.) The defendant also faced being listed as a sex offender for the rest of his life, but was acquitted since the two boys couldn’t prove that they had seen a real penis.
Obviously an Andrew McCarthy fan, a man from West Virginia is behind bars after committing “lewd acts” with a mannequin in a public park.
The local sheriff’s department found the 61-year-old sitting on a park bench (ala Aqualung) with an armless mannequin on his lap, holding it with one hand and jerking off with the other.
When the officer approached him, the man replied that he was “just trying to have a little fun“, pushed the mannequin off him and pulled his pants up (despite a nasty splinter).
The man has been charged with indecent exposure and is being held in prison on a $2,500 cash only bond.
