The votes are in: “The Devil made me do it,” excuse is still a classic. A man from Arizona is facing a felony count of sexual abuse after forcing his maid to inappropriately touch him and then blaming Satan for his misconduct. The 76-year-old put the woman’s hand on his penis four times while she cleaned his trailer. (Because trailer trash needs love too; or at least, they need hand jobs.)
The maid reported the incident in June, telling authorities that the perp was making sexual advances toward her and she felt uncomfortable. The man later told her that Satan must have been behind his actions. He was apologetic and asked for her forgiveness, stating that he didn’t get any enjoyment out of it (suspect) and hadn’t had sex since the 1980s (NOT suspect).
After his arrest, the man denied ever having grabbed the victim. Instead, he alleged that she was angry because he was going to fire her. He continued that she tried to swing at him, but hit him in the groin and that he grabbed her hand as it was on his penis. (Many missed swings have ended this way.) During the police interview, the suspect added that he MAY have kept her hand on his penis longer than necessary.
Naked Housekeeping Now Available
Anyone that’s ever had a cleaning lady knows what a pleasure it is not to have to clean up after yourself. And who hasn’t thought of boning the maid? Well, now you’ll really be thinking about it. A woman from Omaha just set up a naked cleaning business.
Maids from this company will clean house, cook and… babysit minimally clothed or naked. (Seriously, why would you want some random naked woman to watch your child?) Providing three levels of service, clients can choose from topless, bottomless and totally naked house cleaning; each for different rates. Nude cleanings will cost you $125 dollars and in case you are thinking of boning the maid, nude cleanings with “satisfaction” will cost you $175.
If this sounds like prostitution to you, you’re on the right track… or street corner. According to Omaha city authorities, house cleaning in the buff while others watch constitutes a nude “performance”; illegal in Nebraska. Regardless, the business owner/madame states, “There’s no limit on cleaning and fun. I don’t want to be close-minded”. (Or in this case, close-legged.) Let’s just pray that they’re not hiring any fat, bald, old man…
