A 28-year old man/nerdlover has been charged for using World of Warcraft to lure boys into emailing him nude pictures and videos of themselves. (Seriously, who wants naked pictures of pimply pubescent dorks?) The man had apparently accumulated a lot of ‘gold’ in the game World of Warcraft and was exchanging his gold for naked photos and video footage, including “live webcam videos of masturbation.”
Authorities discovered approximately 10,000 illegal pictures and 1200 videos of naked young boys ages 12 – 16 years old in the man’s possession. The man admitted to receiving the photos and videos (obvi), but insists that he didn’t pressure the boys into sending him anything (just ePaid them). Click here for more.
Masturbation Tips II – For Her
I’ve never met a man that doesn’t masturbate. I have, however, met scores of women who don’t. It’s no wonder so many women have never had an orgasm – how can you possibly tell someone how to get you off if you yourself don’t know how? I rub one out religiously before bed, which must make me some sort of a sexpert, right? This being said, I’ll throw in my own two cents (more like a quarter: inflation) with some of the information I found online.
If there’s one thing I learned from my research, it’s that vaginas are like snowflakes, no two are alike. Everyone likes something different and you just have to try new things to determine what works best for you. Here are some ideas:
- Toys – I don’t think anyone would disagree that props make the play better. Vibrators are a cheap and easy way to start off. When you’re comfortable with the basics, you can then graduate to The Rabbit. Many friends have recommended dildos, but personally I don’t like anything foreign up there (unless he’s Dominican – booya)!
- Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb – Don’t underrate the power of your own palm. Sometimes the right friction can only be done with a hand… and your own, at that. I recommend rubbing over any thin fabric instead of directly on your clit – panties work perfectly, as do sheets. One site suggested tracing the entire alphabet on your hot button – this seems rather tedious and requires entirely too much thought, but let me know…
Shower to Shower – An untold secret in many happily ending masturbating stories. Removable shower heads are ideal, but even spreading ‘em under the bathtub faucet will do the trick and the compromising position can be a plus. In the summer, sometimes a pool filter can provide a good gush that will do the job – less accessible, but then you can tan while you play. It’s a win win!
Girls, I leave you to it: WOMANOAH!
Masturbation Tips
In my search to diversify the sex-related content you’ve grown to know and love, I stumbled upon this morsel. The article is related to masturbation for men, but who can’t use a brush-up (and down) on hand job skills now and then? (Chill, ladies; tomorrow’s post will pussify your protests.) While the article had many good ideas, the best ones were:
- Switch hands or change positions – personally I can’t get the right friction with my left hand, but maybe I just don’t have the right equipment. I’ve heard good reviews about The Stranger.
- Simulate thrusts instead of using your hands to move up and down the shaft. While I appreciate this move saves you from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, it might not look that sexy. Therefore, NOT recommended during mutual masturbation.
- Different strokes – And not in a Gary Coleman kind of way. The article suggests rolling your penis in between your hands while moving them up and down the shaft or using long twisting strokes. Actually this just sounds kind of painful.
- Don’t neglect the rest of your genitals, try massaging the perineum (the area between the balls and the anus, AKA ‘the taint’). It’s also recommended you try sticking your finger in your ass (multi-taskers only).
- Toys – The piece urges you to consider using a vibrator, dildo, butt plug, cock ring or cock sleeve. Frankly, this just sounds gay, but whatevs, no judgement.
Happy playing!
For the complete article, click here.
A Bronx high school English teacher has been suspended after assigning his 11th-grade class a short story about masturbation. (Why couldn’t I have had such teachers in high school???) “Fight Club” author, Chuck Palahniuk, wrote the piece assigned, which details the stories of 3 teens whose masturbatory attempts go increasingly awry by employing the use of a carrot, a candle, and the water intake at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Putting the ass in assignment, the homework was not well-received by the school’s administration and the teacher was quickly removed from the classroom while the Department of Education investigates. In response, students have rallied behind their teacher and have started a letter-writing campaign to the school’s administration. In addition they’ve started a ”Save Mr. V” group on Facebook (of which I’m now a fan, of course).
The verdict on this case is still pending… (PS. This has Donna Martin graduates written all over it.) To read the assignment, click here (many thanks to Jenn for hookin’ us up with the controversial content).
Masked-urbator at Large
Police have arrested a man who they say has been involved in a case of voyeurism for the last two years.
Police believe that the suspect has frequented parks, pathways, trails, and other public places since 2007, wearing only underwear and a mask.
He then has “short encounters” with people or masturbates in close proximity to them (logically the next step; what exactly is defined as a ‘short encounter’, I wonder…)
The suspect was arrested yesterday in connection with the incidents and authorities seized a number of computers from the man’s residence to examine the contents.
The man is meant to appear in court today for a bail hearing. One thing is for sure, this is one f*cked superhero…
Judge Jerks Off During Mediation
A district court judge is accused of using inappropriate language and appeared to be masturbating while mediating a divorce settlement. (How does one only ‘appear’ to be masturbating?) One of the lawyers present alleges that the judge’s actions were so offensive that even her client’s estranged husband complained about it during the trial. Moreover, the woman involved in the case continued that the judge attempted to discuss her undergarments and her sex life, though neither was relevant to the case.
After the woman filed a complaint about his behavior, the judge launched his own investigation into her private life and used his power to influence the divorce proceedings. She also states that he also had court personnel write false documents to the commission attacking her and insisting the judge did nothing wrong.
As a result of judge’s actions, the woman claims that she suffered loss of income, reputation, inconvenience, insult, mental distress, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety, emotional pain and suffering. She is now seeking punitive damages. I always wondered what went on behind closed robes…
Woman Plans to Wed Roller Coaster
Love can be a roller coaster; especially when your love IS a roller coaster.
A 33-year-old woman from Pennsylvania claims to be in love with the themed ride known as 1001 Nachts.
The woman suffers from a condition where people develop sexual feelings towards objects.
She rides her ‘love’ 300 times a year and uses pictures of it to satisfy herself at home.
Recently, the woman announced her plans to wed the amusement park ride though it’s a fairly long-distance relationship, since she lives some 80 miles away from the park where her love resides.
The roller coaster declined to comment and has remained mysteriously silent about their relationship.
PS. Shout out to KayJo for sending the story along.
A man from Cape Coral, FL, was arrested after allegedly engaging in sexual acts in his car with two blow up dolls; oh, and in a local shopping center parking lot. I had to wonder if he had just purchased the dolls and couldn’t wait to get them home. More like a man from Cape Oral-BOOYA!
The man was arrested on charges of trespassing and disturbing the peace after witnesses watched him have his way with the dolls; a large crowd had gathered around the man’s car. The manager of the shopping center stated that the man seemed to have intentionally parked in the first space in front of the shipping center so as to attract viewers. He had been asked repeatedly leave the parking lot several times in light of his behavior. (Between strokes?)
My earlier hypothesis proved incorrect when I read the officer’s statement that our horny hero told the officer he was at the shopping center buying clothes for his dolls at the nearby Target (kind of pointless if he was only going to disrobe them moments later). The officer went on to say that the man’s shorts contained a large hole in the front and were confiscated after the arrest. He was given a gown to wear while he was transported since he wasn’t wearing any undies. Police said he could face additional charges, however the dolls have declined pressing charges.
$@bs
