Sex Toys for Halloween
Somethin’ spooky this way cums!
Anyone not yet visually pleasured by a fleshlight will soon succumb (hard) to these ghoulish delights.
Just in time for Halloween, Fleshlight helps you get your sex toy on with a monster motif.
And just in case The Drac doesn’t exactly get your blood crawling, you have a variety to choose cum. Er, from.
Masturbation Increases as Economy Declines
There’s no such thing as a free hot lunch, so what does one do when a recession dwindles your cash flow to a mere drip? Researchers say the answer seems to be turning inward. A study conducted by a Las Vegas research company suggests that higher unemployment and less consumer spending results in increased masturbation. The company took an online poll on their affiliate site, The Xandria Collection, an online store for sex toys, asking visitors, “On average, how many times per week do you masturbate?” The results were compared to the same survey conducted in 2005.
The study showed that the percentage of people masturbating over ten times per week more than doubled! The research also found that the number of people who do not masturbate regularly dropped by 7%. In light of the economic turbulence, it seems that consumers are opting to save money by taking matters into their own hands. A representative of the online store stated, “Since the beginning of the recession, we’ve seen a substantial sales increase of vibrators, dildos and other self-stimulators. I think this is only going to increase as more and more people engage in self-pleasure.” Implications for the effects of this tendency on the national dating pool? Let me know your thoughts!
Sure, being in a car can get frustrating: the stop lights, the traffic, the road rage… Some people relax by listening to music. Others decide to watch porn and play with themselves with the help of sex toys.
A 36-year-old woman from Cincinnati was pulled over for a traffic stop when police noticed that the woman had her pants unbuttoned and a vibrator in her lap.
After being questioned, the woman admitted to masturbating while driving, as well as watching porn on a laptop in the passenger seat. Just to make the party complete. she also had a “broken piece of crack pipe” in her purse.
The woman has been charged with driving with impaired alertness and possession of drug paraphernalia. If you think she sounds like a good time and you’d like to meet her, just check out her mug shot shown here and think again…
2010 Masturbate-a-Thon Dates Announced
Just when you thought your self-pleasing talents would get you nowhere, the Masturbate-a-thon charity fundraiser has announced the dates for this year’s event(s). During the event, participants commit to masturbating (in private) on a select day, and ask friends, family, work colleagues, to pledge them per minute. The longer they lasted, the more they raise.
This year two groups are championing the event, celebrating 10th years of Masturbate-a-thons. Portland, OR’s, Darklady event will be held June 12th, with proceeds going to Esther’s Pantry, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, and the Free Speech Alliance.
The 2nd group participating will be San Francisco’s Center for Sex & Culture, proudly touting that theirs is” the only event to stream live online” (insert joke here). This event takes place May 30th and all proceeds will go to programming and administrative costs.
If you’re not lucky enough to live in either of the two areas, why not start practicing up for next year (like you hadn’t already…)?
May is National Masturbation Month
Funny, I thought every month was Masturbation Month, but May Day actually marks the first day of National Masturbation Month in the US. Most of the coverage for this holiday occurred back in ’92, on Seinfeld. Jerry and cast brought up the subject during the episode that George’s mom catches him spankin’ it.
This turned into a contest for who could go the longest without pleasuring themselves. Unable to say the actual word on primetime TV, the euphemism, “master of my domain,” was used. Not surprisingly, no one was able to win.
Masturbation got a month of its own when in 1995 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders commented that masturbation is,“something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” Word.
It has been said that “ninety-eight percent of us masturbate, and the other two percent are liars,” and with that I bid you a Happy Masturbation Month!
A 28-year old man/nerdlover has been charged for using World of Warcraft to lure boys into emailing him nude pictures and videos of themselves. (Seriously, who wants naked pictures of pimply pubescent dorks?) The man had apparently accumulated a lot of ‘gold’ in the game World of Warcraft and was exchanging his gold for naked photos and video footage, including “live webcam videos of masturbation.”
Authorities discovered approximately 10,000 illegal pictures and 1200 videos of naked young boys ages 12 – 16 years old in the man’s possession. The man admitted to receiving the photos and videos (obvi), but insists that he didn’t pressure the boys into sending him anything (just ePaid them). Click here for more.
Masturbation Tips II – For Her
I’ve never met a man that doesn’t masturbate. I have, however, met scores of women who don’t. It’s no wonder so many women have never had an orgasm – how can you possibly tell someone how to get you off if you yourself don’t know how? I rub one out religiously before bed, which must make me some sort of a sexpert, right? This being said, I’ll throw in my own two cents (more like a quarter: inflation) with some of the information I found online.
If there’s one thing I learned from my research, it’s that vaginas are like snowflakes, no two are alike. Everyone likes something different and you just have to try new things to determine what works best for you. Here are some ideas:
- Toys – I don’t think anyone would disagree that props make the play better. Vibrators are a cheap and easy way to start off. When you’re comfortable with the basics, you can then graduate to The Rabbit. Many friends have recommended dildos, but personally I don’t like anything foreign up there (unless he’s Dominican – booya)!
- Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb – Don’t underrate the power of your own palm. Sometimes the right friction can only be done with a hand… and your own, at that. I recommend rubbing over any thin fabric instead of directly on your clit – panties work perfectly, as do sheets. One site suggested tracing the entire alphabet on your hot button – this seems rather tedious and requires entirely too much thought, but let me know…
Shower to Shower – An untold secret in many happily ending masturbating stories. Removable shower heads are ideal, but even spreading ‘em under the bathtub faucet will do the trick and the compromising position can be a plus. In the summer, sometimes a pool filter can provide a good gush that will do the job – less accessible, but then you can tan while you play. It’s a win win!
Girls, I leave you to it: WOMANOAH!
Masturbation Tips
In my search to diversify the sex-related content you’ve grown to know and love, I stumbled upon this morsel. The article is related to masturbation for men, but who can’t use a brush-up (and down) on hand job skills now and then? (Chill, ladies; tomorrow’s post will pussify your protests.) While the article had many good ideas, the best ones were:
- Switch hands or change positions – personally I can’t get the right friction with my left hand, but maybe I just don’t have the right equipment. I’ve heard good reviews about The Stranger.
- Simulate thrusts instead of using your hands to move up and down the shaft. While I appreciate this move saves you from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, it might not look that sexy. Therefore, NOT recommended during mutual masturbation.
- Different strokes – And not in a Gary Coleman kind of way. The article suggests rolling your penis in between your hands while moving them up and down the shaft or using long twisting strokes. Actually this just sounds kind of painful.
- Don’t neglect the rest of your genitals, try massaging the perineum (the area between the balls and the anus, AKA ‘the taint’). It’s also recommended you try sticking your finger in your ass (multi-taskers only).
- Toys – The piece urges you to consider using a vibrator, dildo, butt plug, cock ring or cock sleeve. Frankly, this just sounds gay, but whatevs, no judgement.
Happy playing!
For the complete article, click here.
A Bronx high school English teacher has been suspended after assigning his 11th-grade class a short story about masturbation. (Why couldn’t I have had such teachers in high school???) “Fight Club” author, Chuck Palahniuk, wrote the piece assigned, which details the stories of 3 teens whose masturbatory attempts go increasingly awry by employing the use of a carrot, a candle, and the water intake at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Putting the ass in assignment, the homework was not well-received by the school’s administration and the teacher was quickly removed from the classroom while the Department of Education investigates. In response, students have rallied behind their teacher and have started a letter-writing campaign to the school’s administration. In addition they’ve started a ”Save Mr. V” group on Facebook (of which I’m now a fan, of course).
The verdict on this case is still pending… (PS. This has Donna Martin graduates written all over it.) To read the assignment, click here (many thanks to Jenn for hookin’ us up with the controversial content).
Masked-urbator at Large
Police have arrested a man who they say has been involved in a case of voyeurism for the last two years.
Police believe that the suspect has frequented parks, pathways, trails, and other public places since 2007, wearing only underwear and a mask.
He then has “short encounters” with people or masturbates in close proximity to them (logically the next step; what exactly is defined as a ‘short encounter’, I wonder…)
The suspect was arrested yesterday in connection with the incidents and authorities seized a number of computers from the man’s residence to examine the contents.
The man is meant to appear in court today for a bail hearing. One thing is for sure, this is one f*cked superhero…
