Amish Perv Arrested for Buggy Sex Ploy
Perverts seem to cum in all shapes and forms don’t they? Even in Amish cuntry, no one is safe! An Amish man who sent hundreds of sexually explicit text messages to a 12-year-old girl (wait, the Amish have cell phones? WTF?) was caught in an undercover sting when he drove, wait for it, a horse and buggy to a restaurant where he had planned to meet the girl. When the girl’s parents found out about the text messages, they took the cell phone and continued to communicate with the sex predator, who sent about 600 sexts to the girl, as well as nude pics and explicit videos.
The parents then contacted the police, who took over the sting operation and arranged the ‘tryst’ at a local restaurant. When arrested outside the restaurant, the suspect was cooperative with police and “walked his horse and buggy around the building and tied it to a post outside”, admitting that the proposed sex act was to happen inside the buggy. (This would explain the ‘If this buggy’s a-rockin…‘ bumper sticker.) The 21-year-old man is now facing four felony counts for allegedly soliciting sex from the minor and was released on a $20,000 bond (and is prohibited from partaking in any Amish Funnel Cakes for the next year…)
In quite possibly the funniest lawsuit evs, a mother from Utah (U-tah, I-tah, we all tah for… Mormons?) photoshopped an image of a woman having sex with a dog and superimposed the face of a 13-year-old girl who attends middle school with her daughter onto the photo. Accused of creating fliers of the image (with derogatory comments directed toward the girl), and distributing them at the middle school where the girls attend, the woman is now facing 18 counts of sexual exploitation of a minor.
Authorities report that surveillance footage showed the woman entering the school’s 7th-grade girls’ bathroom on the second to last day of classes. A custodian found the fliers and immediately contacted local authorities. The woman admitted to making 30 fliers, however police were only able to recover 18 of them. In addition to leaving the fliers in the bathroom, she also left a bunch in several students’ lockers. The woman stated that the victim had ‘wronged’ her in some way. (Perhaps by fucking her dog?)
