Next time you decide to trespass naked and take a shit in a stranger’s garage, you might want to check to make sure the homeowner isn’t a former member of the military.
Police in North Idaho received a phone call from a local resident that “Some guy had gone in his garage and taken all his clothes off. He went to the bathroom on his floor and was sitting in his hot tub naked.” The 23-year old suspect had also thrown up in the garage.
The homeowner held the suspect at gunpoint when he discovered the perp lounging on his couch naked. He said to the homeowner, ‘You are not going to shoot me‘. The homeowners wife then got involved and stated, ‘He used to be a Marine, he’ll shoot you.’” (Just when you thought it was safe to crap in a stranger’s garage…)
Neighbors said when police arrived they ordered the homeowner to drop the gun, whereupon the intruder took off and went over the back fence. He continued to run down the street naked until police caught him. Contrary to popular belief, the man caught was NOT the naked, greased up deaf guy from the popular animation cartoon, Family Guy.
Floridian drivers got a surprise drive-by peep show Monday afternoon when they had to swerve to avoid a woman crawling naked in the middle of the road with total disregard to traffic.
Cops stated that a crowd had gathered to watch the woman “crawling on her hands and knees as vehicles swerved to avoid hitting her” and that “at one point, she rolled onto her back and spread her legs; she then continued crawling around.”
Authorities managed to get her out of harm’s way with minimal resistance and the 32-year-old was taken to a local medical center. Theories included that the woman was playing a naked version of human Frogger, but she then informed police that she’d been on a cocaine binge (shocker) and is now facing charges of disturbing the peace and criminal mischief. (Though somehow escaped charges of indecent exposure? Suspect…)
Woman Arrested for Dancing Naked in Cemetery
Dying to be naked, a 22-year-old woman was arrested for stripping in a cemetery in Mesa City, AZ, and dancing in view of those paying respects to deceased loved ones.
According to court documents, the woman got naked and started dancing, spinning, and waving her arms in front of an audience of visitors, grounds crews, and plot customers some 25 yards away.
Then she took a rest in the cemetery’s golf cart before police arrived on the scene. (No word yet on why a cemetery needs a golf cart.)
Once in policy custody, the woman was discovered to have prior arrests for prostitution, reckless driving, and drugs (obvi). She’s been charged with two counts of indecent exposure and loitering/soliciting sex, and one count of being dead sexy (but not really, check out her mug shot).
Man Caught Stealing TV Naked
Next time you want to burglarize a house, you may want to put on a pair of pants… or at least a tie. A man from Bridgeport, CT was caught naked stealing a wide-screen TV from a home in Norwalk. The 35-year-old was arrested after the homeowner’s daughter found him lurking around the house in the buff. According to the suspect, he met the mother at a bar earlier in the evening and had cum home with her. (Emphasis on cum; sex AND a wide screen = double word score.)
He told police that the woman owed him money, but the woman said she left the house after the suspect threatened to punch her in the face. (Nice of her to leave her daughter there with him, though.) Following the woman’s departure, the man carried the TV into his van, then returned to the house for the remote, where he was discovered. The man was charged with larceny, possessing drug paraphernalia and other charges
400 Break the Skinny Dipping World Record
If you’ve ever been to a nude beach, you know it’s mostly DOMS and gays; a rather unlikely combo, for sure. Luckily, world records still exist to encourage ‘normal‘ people to strip on the sand. Four hundred people got butt-ass naked and plunged into the sea off Wales this weekend in an attempt to break the world record for the biggest skinny-dip. The existing record is around 250 naked bathers in one location.
Rhossili beach was chosen for the 7am nude dip because it’s long and reasonably hidden (that’s what she said?), sparing shrinkage sufferers as much embarrassment as possible from any passers-by. To break the record, the bathers had to wade into the water until it was up to their waists and stay there, shivering, for 10 minutes. Swimmers in the buff came (punintended) from all across the UK to brave the cold waters on the Gower peninsula. Having succeeded in breaking the record, organizers plan to submit this weekend’s event to staff at Guinness World Records in order to claim the title. The charity event raised $20,000 for the National Trust and Marie Curie Cancer Care.
Gym Offers Naked Workouts
Ah, Spain: home of tapas, siestas… and now naked workouts! A gym in Spain’s region of Basque has a new way to motivate members, offering naked workouts. Aptly named, Easy Gym is the first of its kind (probably for good reason) to allow men and women to exercise completely in the buff. Based on research, the gym found that two local swimming pools offer popular monthly sessions for nude bathing and a local beach boasts of a naked run. Given the research, the gym felt like a naked workout was the next natural step.
However, skeptics suggest that running naked might not be entirely comfortable; pointing out that sports underwear was invented for a reason. (Amen to that.) To this argument, the gym owner stated, “Being a naturist doesn’t mean being daft. If a woman needs to, she can put a top on! But there’s cycling, weightlifting and the Stairmaster: there’s lots you can easily do naked.” (It’s true, I like naked cleaning.)
Beginning in May, the gym plans to operate every Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday exclusively for the uninhibited. Instructors have already been contacted to offer naked yoga classes in conjunction with the promotion. (They obviously missed the Seinfeld episode that deals with naked crouching.)
Postman Arrested for Naked Mail Delivery
Next time you think someone has a case of the Mondays, don’t try delivering their mail in the buff.
A U.S. Postal Service carrier in Wisconsin was arrested for delivering mail buck naked to a local law firm .
Authorities were called to the law firm with reports of “a naked postal carrier in the building’s hallway.” The 52-year-old stated that he was trying to cheer up a 21-year-old female employee of the firm who “seemed to be stressed out“.
The female told officers that when “Mailman Dave” arrived at the office that day to make the (special) delivery, she was shocked to see that he was naked and responded, “Give me the mail and get out of here“.
He admitted making the naked mail delivery, stating that he was only trying to cheer up the woman and make her laugh. (With the size of his manhood?)
The man was cited for lewd and lascivious behavior.
Man Caught Naked in Church Graveyard
“I do believe in spooks“. And by spooks, I mean macabre cock and balls idly meandering through cemeteries. A man in Mississippi (emphasis on pee-pee) was recently caught naked in a church cemetery. Claiming he was trying to take photographs of spirits (obviously only possible in one’s birthday suit), the man explained that he removed his clothing because skin “is the best canvas to show spirits’ orbs of energy“; (balls).
The 47-year-old said he initially intended to remove only his shirt, but somehow ended up taking it all off, (somehow); – a move he now calls “stupid.” (Because no one, dead or alive, likes to look at old balls.) Authorities had set up a motion-activated camera in attempt to stop vandalism and caught the man on tape in the buff instead.
He now faces a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure. But on the plus side, A&E has approached him about shooting a pilot for a new series: Paranormal Naked State.)
How to Make Your Own TSA Naked X-Ray Scanner
Are you jealous of TSA employees who get to openly peep at passengers all day long? Well now the joy of awkwardly seeing people naked can all be yours; with your own TSA Naked X-Ray Scanner! This can be created by simply modifying a satellite dish antenna.
By reversing the operation of some key components, you can modify the dish so that it can penetrate a layer to show what’s underneath.
While it may not be as effective as a genuine TSA machine (which costs something like $150,000) it may scratch your itch of invading other people’s privacy. (OPPs?) So spread holiday cheer by exposing your friends and loved ones to radiation and checking out their extra holiday love handles! Click here for more.
If you haven’t heard all of the hubbub about the new TSA Scanners, well you probably live in a cave. If you opt-out of the scan, you have the luxury of being fondled by a stranger in apparently a most intrusive fashion. If you submit to the scan, then your naked image is saved and in the power of some no-name GED obtained moron who will do God knows what with it. Most likely they’ll sell it online to some porn site; and if you’re a guy, then some gay porn site.
But wait! There’s more! In case none of this is embarrassing enough, a radiologist at Lenox Hill Hospital stated that TSA scanners can learn a lot more about your health history via the scanners. The medical expert stated, “The airport scanners show anything on the surface of the skin and very closely under the skin.” What other goodies will be visible to TSA staff?
Piercings, catheters, and colostomy bags in addition to breast implants (these are easy to spot regardless) and prosthetic testicles will be easily recognizable on the scanner screen. Moreover, the X-ray technology can also tell if a man is circumcised or not. With all of this in mind, I’m prepared for a good groping this busy holiday travel season. Hey, I could use a little action anyway. (Dry spell.)
