Man Uses Leaf Blower Naked from Waist Down
You know your leaf blower is working when you look down and aren’t wearing pants. A 67-year-old man from Scarsdale (well, we’re all a bit scarred now) was arrested after he was seen using an electric leaf blower with his twig and berries on public display. The New Yorker was doing his lawn work naked from the waist down when police were called to his residence.
Responding to a complaint of the offending view, cops spoke with the man, who responded that he was free to do as he wanted on his property. Just to show him how wrong he could be, the man was arrested and taken to local police station for processing. He’s now being charged with public lewdness.
Naked Man With Vaseline Arrested
How do you identify a neighborhood peeping tom? Chances are he’s the guy running around half naked with a jar of Vaseline. A 44-year-old man from New Castle, DE, is facing charges of resisting law enforcement and public indecency when teens spotted him around 12:20 a.m. running up and down the street sans pants.
When teens pointed him out to authorities hiding behind a Spruce tree nearby, police said he was naked from the waist down, carrying a towel and a jar of Vaseline and wearing only a fleece vest. (Well there was a chill in the air, after all.) Police were unsure why the man was running through the neighborhood half naked, but reports of a peeping tom in the area came to mind. (So… you do the Math.)
Man Caught Spankin’ It at Target
People, if you insist on jerking off in your car, please park in your own driveway. A man is now facing misdemeanor exposure charges after he was caught masturbating in a Target parking lot. The 63-year-old parked his silver Chevy close to the building and covered his junk with nothing but old newspaper when witnesses saw him jerking off.
He wasn’t wearing pants when police approached his vehicle and told the cops that he didn’t have any pants on because he was hot and that he’d just been relaxing in his car. (Yes, I think most would agree that masturbating is very relaxing.) A police search of the vehicle yielded several porn photos, a bag containing women’s under garments, a handful of long brown hair (ew) and a clear vessel that contained fluids (ewier).
Upon his arrest, police discovered that he had been charged with indecent conduct in ’69 (Coincidence? I think not) and with peeping in ’73. During his arrest, the man told police that his wife of 35 years was ill and he was unable to have with her. (Naturally, the next best thing was gratifying himself in a Target parking lot.)
One man was thwarted from enjoying the fruits of his labor when he was arrested for indecent exposure after attempting to weigh his junk on a produce scale in a local grocery. A shop assistant said she was told by other customers that two men were weighing their privates. When questioned, she stated that “He had something on the scales. I didn´t see it properly. It looked like a penis.” Guess it didn’t weight that much. (Also, not sure what else it could have been if it only looked like a penis.) Clearly shaken up by the site, the shop assistant then later admitted to not having actually seen the penis in the surveillance footage, and that she might have been mistaken,”Although there was something there, it could have been a hand. Maybe it was.” And denial ain’t just a river in Egypt…
The man admitted to being drunk (shocker) but also that he didn’t know the other man (awkward). Local authorities stated that on the surveillance video, two men were seen standing near the scales with their hands near the front of their pants. They appeared to be buttoning or zipping up their pants. The only eye witness stated that she could not be sure she had seen a penis. It was ruled that there wasn’t sufficient evidence in the case and the man was found not guilty.
Train Drags Mooner Half Naked Along Tracks
A man mooning the staff on a departing train got his pants caught in the train car door and ended up being dragged half naked along the platform, out of the station and onto the tracks.
The 22-year-old journalism student shoved his ass against the window of a double-decker train after staff forced him off since he hadn’t purchased a ticket. Pissed, he attempted the full mooning, but instead he ended up dangling by his pants and was dragged for 200 metres, (about 656 feet, you’re welcome America). Thankfully (for him) he was able to keep his legs away from the wheels of the train.
The incident ended when a passenger pulled the emergency brake and rescue services were called in, causing delays for 23 trains. The man/moron now faces charges of dangerous interference in rail transport, insulting the train staff, and a serious fine for the delays he caused.
Man Accepts Pizza Delivery Naked
A pizza delivery woman called police after repeatedly delivering food to a man wearing no pants. (I can only ponder what shirt he would have chosen for this outfit.) Police reported that the woman delivering the pizza notified authorities after four similar incidents (where he tried to supply his own sausage).
An officer was sent to speak to the man to discuss his “inappropriate” behavior. The man has since been banned from all local pizza delivery, though the pizza delivery woman didn’t want to press charges. (I wonder if he’s yet realized the untapped Chinese food delivery market). The pizza delivery woman should have realized what was going on, since the man always ordered extra anchovies.
Homeless Man Charged With Indecent Exposure
A homeless man was arrested Saturday after authorities say he was seated outside a Laundromat wearing a jeans jacket around his waste, but no pants. When questioned, the man claimed his pants were inside being washed.
One witness told police that she walking out of the gas station next door when she passed the man, who lifted one leg as she walked by, exposing his genitalia to her. The man from East Naples (more like east nipples) was arrested for indecent exposure in public, trespassing, having an open container of alcohol in a public area and resisting an officer without violence.
