Flasher Claims He Was ‘Airing His Penis’
Two teenage girls were enjoying their neighborhood park when they spotted a man on a nearby park bench with his erect penis in his hand.
The man who flashed the teenage girls explained to police that he was merely ‘airing his penis’ due to a rash. (Why you would want to publicly expose your pox-ridden genitalia in broad daylight is beyond me.)
He also denied masturbating (just scratching at his rash profusely, I guess) and stated that he had been unaware of people passing him in the park.
The man was charged with willful and obscene exposure and fined $250. His penis was not taken in for evidence nor removed for questioning…
A man sought medical treatment after his genitals were bitten when forcing a man to perform oral sex. (Ladies, take notes!) A homeless drunk was loitering in a local park when he saw his 60-year-old target sleeping under a pavilion.
The homeless man woke the dozing gentleman and asked for money. When the man refused, the homeless man knocked him to the ground. The gentleman got up and walked to the park bathrooms, where the homeless man followed him inside, grabbed his head and forced him to perform oral sex on him. (How did he get his pants down so fast, I wonder).
The gentleman bit the homeless man’s genitals; drawing blood and causing him to flee for help at a police station nearby. Police then rushed him to a local hospital where he was given a tetanus shot and treated for his wounds; namely lacerations of the foreskin. The functions of his penis were not damaged (insert your sigh of relief here).
After questioning, the homeless man was turned over for prosecution on sexual harassment charges. ‘So exactly what were you doing when your penis was bitten?’ ‘Well, it all started this guy wouldn’t give me money and I knocked him on his ass…”
