Woman Caught with Bag of Xanax in her Vagina
Oh, nature’s pocketbook – the vagina: the perfect hiding spot for all of your illegal contraband. A 27-year-old woman was pulled over for speeding in a school zone. When the officer asked if he could do a search, the woman replied, “I have a bag of zani bars down my pants.” (Or was she just happy to see him…)
She explained to the officer that she did not have a prescription for the pills and became scared when she saw the deputy’s lights come on. She then took the bag from her purse and placed them into her vagina.
Only when the search was requested did she then produce the clear, plastic baggy that had eight whole Xanax pills and seven that were cut in half. She was charged with drug possession, but her vagina’s still not speaking to her for outing their stash.
People Who Snore Always Fall Asleep First
My mother has this fan which sounds like my cat Pickle Sub chewing on a plastic bag: one the most annoying sounds known to plague the earth; particularly at 5 am. I woke up 
repeatedly the past couple of nights I’ve been staying with my mom, poised to throw a pillow at the feline perpetrator (obviously oceans away). It’s weird how I can sleep through most loud noises: the television, music, the Dominicans in my neighborhood drinking and playing dominos until 4 in the morning…
However, give me a quiet, small noise: the fan whirring, a clock ticking, the hum of an old computer, and it keeps me up for hours! My only defense is to make a head 
sandwich with a couple of pillows.
It’s only been very recent that I’m able to fall asleep with the TV on. I don’t have a TV in my bedroom, like most. A lot of people prefer the white noise during sleep; that’s why so many people fall asleep when the TV is on regardless of whether or not they are attempting sleep.
If you’re used to sleeping with the TV on, why wouldn’t you fall asleep at random while viewing? Many studies now link sleep problems to the presence of a television set in the bedroom and studies show that sleeping with the TV on results in fitful sleep from the outside stimulus. I can vouch for this: Once when I fell asleep with the TV on, I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow… I think I was watching Willy Wonka. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
$@bs
