Quite possibly the biggest schmuck on the planet, a man bashed and choked his girlfriend until she blacked out when she tried to engage him in a threesome. The woman brought along a female friend on a camping trip, during which she confessed to her boyfriend that she was bisexual. She even supplied the party with alcohol to make him “more receptive” to the notion of a threesome. (Because most men need to be persuaded to have sex with two women at once, right?)
But just as things started getting good and the two girls became more involved with each other, homeboy decided to bounce. He stormed off in his car and quickly and drunkenly crashed into bushes. His girlfriend ran after him and attempted to take the car keys from him. At this point, the drama was unfolding in front of many other campers. As his girlfriend grabbed at the keys, the man slapped her and shoved her to the ground.
The girlfriend then tried to run off, but the man punched her in the head, chest and back before choking her until she blacked out. She suffered bruising and a sore neck but recovered, while her stupid and shady boyfriend spent the night and next day in jail. He pled guilty to two counts of assault and received a three-month jail sentence, suspended on condition of good behaviour for two years. You would think that this would be the end of their relationship, but actually, sources report that the couple has since become engaged. (Congrats, Ike Turner.)
Naked Passenger Arrested on Flight
A St. Louis-bound Southwest Airlines flight was forced to return to Oakland International Airport after a male passenger stripped, hit another passenger, and caused a raucous with crew members.
Police say that the flight returned to California after the 21-year-old man exposed himself to a female passenger seated next to him and then punched her in the face. (Chicks dig that.)
Flight attendants and other passengers then subdued the man as he removed his clothing. He was completely naked when sheriff’s deputies arrested him. (He must have been flying first ass! Ohhhh!)
Both he and the woman he assaulted were taken to the hospital for minor injuries. No word yet on whether the woman or the airline plan to press charges.
Man Stabs Brother Over Pork & Beans
A sheriff’s deputy in Gilliam, LA stated that a 54-year-old man stabbed his 63-year-old brother during an argument in their kitchen over a can of pork and beans. Sheriff’s spokeswoman, Cindy Chadwick, said the man was booked on one count of aggravated battery. The can of pork & beans was able to escape from police custody and is still at large.
Chadwick said the injured brother was treated at a medical center for stab wounds in his left arm and shoulder blade. Rivera reported that the suspect picked up a kitchen knife after his brother threw a punch at him but missed. She also mentioned that the men had been drinking (SHOCKER). Investigations are still underway to determine the brand of pork & beans so good you’ll want to kill your brother. Some speculate this may have been the last can of pork and beans found in the Milky Way galaxy.
$@bs
