Smelly Vagina Ruins Woman’s Ploy for Oral
If you’re going to demand oral sex at knife-point, please make sure you’ve bathed thoroughly. A woman went to her estranged husband’s place (four doors down at the 77 Motor Inn ,of course) with a switch-blade demanding oral sex by stating,”eat my pussy.”
The husband, perhaps already wise to the goings on south of the border, declined the offer. His friend, who was also in the room, agreed to her request, until “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor” and immediately changed his mind. (Good plan.)
Outraged, the woman pointed the knife at the two and hissed, “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throats.” Authorities arrived to find the three drunk and the woman naked from the waste down. She was arrested for domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon. (Presumably her vagina.)
Nothing says welcome home like a vagina proudly displayed in the comfort of your own home. Who doesn’t want to cum home to that? An LA artist molds a decorative vagina out of clay and fake fur mounted onto a wooden plaque to create: ‘Vag Plaques‘.
The artist explains that the pieces were inspired by her friend ‘Pussy Face‘ (PF), who was stabbed in the vagina with a pencil by her brother. As a result of the injury, PF required stitches that left a scar; which left her feeling extremely self conscious. (Her feelings of self doubt might also have had something to do with the nickname ‘Pussy Face‘.)
So the artistic and supportive friend designed this grand gesture in homage to PF’s vaginal mishap; which celebrates the vagina’s inherent beauty. “That’s what friends do for each other,” the artist stated. The item is available on Etsy.com for $60.
Eau De Pussy: Vagina Scented Perfume
Personally, I’d prefer that my vagina is fragrant, not that my fragrance is vaginal. But apparently not everyone feels that way. A new scent claims to capture the “the vaginal scent of a beautiful woman.” (Thankfully, no one has yet tried to bottle the vaginal scent of an ugly woman, well, except Paris Hilton.) The new fragrance, Vulva Original, is a self-proclaimed “erotic feminine scent“, and promises to offer pleasure and arousal by smelling it.
The product is available online only on www.smellmeand.com and sells for about $33. Recommended usage suggests application to various areas of the body via a roll-on applicator. Now what would happen if I rolled that onto my vagina? Do two vaginal scents cancel each other out? Even more important, do I have to smell like the sweaty biker’s vagina depicted in their :60 spot? To be continued…
Merry Stressmas
The holidays tend to make people a little bit more on edge and I have been no exception; Christmas came and went. Despite my merry caroling, my holiday was less jolly than I anticipated; mostly because I didn’t get what I wanted. It’s not a good thing to have expectations.
To my defense, Santa led me to believe that I deserved what I asked for and that it was forthcoming, but then later let me know that at the time that he received my letter, he didn’t want to tell me that is was too soon for that type of gift. I basically had to find out the hard way (never getting it) and was sorely disappointed as a result.
I don’t just feel let down that I’m not going to get what I hoped for this Christmas. I could take that in stride; I’m a big girl.
I’m mostly upset that Santa led me we were on the same page, when in fact, we weren’t. Basically, he was just too pussy to tell me the truth. I would have thought Santa would have been a lot bigger than that; presenting himself as a man’s man with his nonstop physical training and what not.
I will have a total of almost two whole weeks off from work. There was talk of going away, but that didn’t pan out either. I made plans to go away to Philly for a couple of days, as a last resort (an act of desperation) but my friend that was meant to drive sprang an oil leak, so the trip is canceled.
Needless to say, looking forward to these 2008 pieces of shit being over.
