Nude Burglar Had Mouse in his Rectum
If you’re going to rob a private home, make sure you have A.) A disguise, B.) A weapon, C.) Removed all clothing, D.) A mouse up your ass. Police in South Carolina say a naked burglary suspect appeared to be on drugs and was found to have a mouse lodged in his rectum. Cops reported that they responded to a home on a report of a burglary and discovered the 31-year-old suspect lying naked, face down in the doorway of the home.
In order to obtain the suspect’s cooperation and remove him from the home, authorities employed the use of a taser to no effect More police were then called to the scene to confront the suspect who had moved to the victim’s bedroom. He was finally wrestled to the ground and placed in handcuffs and leg shackles.
Authorities reported that the suspect appeared to be under the influence of magic mushrooms and was taken to a nearby hospital, where an X-ray discovered a mouse in his rectum. The suspect stated that he could not remember the events leading to his arrest. Nevertheless, he was charged with resisting arrest, assault and battery, and indecent exposure. The mouse was held for questioning. Big shout out to @Jessmypet for sending along the story!
Cops: Nude, drunk was hard to bring down
It took 10 police officers to restrain a drunk, naked Lebanese man at a campground over the weekend in Noblesville, IN. (PS this has the makings of some seriously fantastic sketch comedy.) The local sheriff’s department stated that officers were called to the campground just after 3 am Sunday morning on reports of a “drunk, belligerent, naked man starting several fights there“. (That narrows it down… to all of the male guests on Jerry Springer.)
Arriving at the scene, police were exiting their vehicles when the unclothed, agitated and evidently injured man charged at them. (They must have been wearing red instead of blue.) The man continued to resist arrest even as a police dog bit him repeatedly and he was hit several times with a stun gun. At length he was successfully sedated and handcuffed. (Tough little f*cker!)
Police believe the man was reacting to a combination of alcohol, cocaine, PCP and magic mushrooms. (Oh, crazy little f*cker…) He was taken to a nearby hospital and later charged with disorderly conduct, resisting law enforcement, criminal mischief and striking or interfering with law enforcement.
The only question that remains: Is the guy fat? Cuz I’m going to need a little more direction casting the skit…
Man Arrested 4 Naked Game of Ring & Run
Who hasn’t played the beloved childhood game of Ring & Run, aka Ding, Dong, Ditch? You walk up stealthily to some unsuspecting door, ring the bell impishly and run like hell! A man from San Mateo, CA decided to take the Ring and Run challenge to the next level, upping the stakes by playing the age-old game in his birthday suit.
The 38-year-old man was arrested early Saturday after allegedly ringing neighbors’ doorbells naked. Authorities responding to complaints were led on a chase for nearly seven miles before the man stopped his pickup truck on an on-ramp to a local highway. He then exited the car and ran into an occupied house by kicking in a door, finally trying to hide behind nearby trees and shrubs (and failing).
The man was ultimately arrested on suspicion of a DUI (shocker), evading a police officer, driving with a suspended license, indecent exposure, entering a house without permission, vandalism, resisting arrest, and a partridge in a pear tree.
