Tranny Clown Robs Liquor Store
Officers in Boulder, CO received a call Saturday night from the Boulder Beer Emporium that the liquor store was robbed. Police are now looking for the suspect described as a cross-dressing man wearing clown makeup. (I somehow doubt he’s still donned in his burglary best at the local supermarket.)
Witnesses described the suspect as wearing red and white face makeup (Ronald McDonald?), a red and purple wig, a fake nose and a denim dress (NOT Ronald McDonald). Employees told the police they didn’t think anything was peculiar when he walked into the store (ummm… ok) because of local Pridefest events taking place that weekend. (Now, if they knew anything about gay men, they would have known that no self respecting queen would be seen wearing the outfit witnesses outlined. That’s why God invented the Fashion Police!)
The cashier reported that the man entered the store and approached an employee, asking for help in a feminine voice and saying that ‘shis’ husband was out of work. After being access denied by the employee, the man walked to the checkout stand, revealed a pistol, demanded the cash and bolted just as two other customers were walking into the store. I was disappointed there was no footage of this, but then learned that a surveillance picture is expected to be released presently.
$@bs
Naked Robber Attempts to Steal Wedding Dress
Last week, a naked man tried to rob a bridal shop near Würzburg, Germany. The man left empty handed and police believe that he didn’t find anything that fit and fled. (Guess he missed the plus size section of the store.)
The 35-year-old man broke into the shop by throwing a flower pot through the glass door of the bridal shop. Searching the racks, he apparently found nothing suitable to wear. (What does one wear on an occasion such at this?)
The Robber Bride/Groom left the scene of the crime, but was arrested not long after fleeing. Police were able to track him by following a trail of blood he left, having cut himself on the glass when he broke the doors. The police could not explain why the man was unclothed and the man didn’t offer an explanation. What ever will he wear now when he meets his true love in prison?
$@bs
